Snapshot of my shadow and frayed nerves

I recently received some from very astute criticism. This person revealed a number of things “wrong with me.” I was astonished how accurate it was, with one exception. I was surprisingly neutral about it. Almost unbelievably, (drum roll please) I GENUINELY WELCOMED IT. Most of the criticism I recognized ias accurate , yet it helped me dial in more precisely some areas where I can clear up some ego. One comment was so spot on that I giggle every time I think of it. The words were so accurate it gave me a very clear picture of a part of my shadow I knew about yet had never seen so precisely. The words give me a little snapshot to keep me honest.I feel such gratitude for this person’s sharp intuition and clear seeing. The message did come with charge. I had a little feeling of separation which I kept digging deeper to release. I did a gestalt to clear up any charge between us on my side. I now feel very complete although there was no resolution between us. 

I remember Byron Katie saying she welcomed criticism and I thought, no way! It is so delicious to have more appear in the neutral category of my life. It is so liberating. If I had any idea how fun it could be, I would have been much more receptive when people “insulted” me in the past. Maybe I would have even given them a hug!. 

I realize my big opportunity now is to tame my nervous system. It remains easily triggered with these heightened energy. I get how this personal lie, this negative self image of my self as incapable because my nervous system has been so easily pushed into overdrive has shaped my life. I keep challenging that scared part of me by doing the opposite of what it commands. Yesterday I drove in the dark and rain even though I felt so hyped up and frightened. I did a number of errands, even though I just wanted to sit in silence. I break it down bit by bit by continuously doing the opposite of what it swears is essential in order for me not to flip out. As I see myself doing more than I ever imagined possible, the negative image begins to fade and my nervous system literally calms down. This has been one of the most astonishing awarenesses for me, how linked my body/ mind is. I would have sworn to you that this aspect of me could not be changed, that it was innate and just bad luck. Now I know many gifts of intuition and awareness come from my sensitivity. Yet it felt like bad luck as it seemed to limit me in countless ways. It continues to amaze me how I can shift my physical experience so that I remain calm and balanced in so may more situation, situations that use to send me into the stratosphere. I am constantly reminded of how powerful we are.  We are truly unlimited, yet only if our mind agrees it IS SO.

I heard an interesting online conversation today with Barbara Hand Chow. She was talking how a catastrophic event happened millions? of years ago and wiped out a large percentage of the population. She said the cellular trauma still has an impact on us today and makes these doomsday scenarios harder to ignore. This can trigger panic even when totally unwarranted, even when the mind knows the end of the world stuff is pure nonsense. I found this fascinating and somehow it fits for me. I realize that the level of nerve activation for me this last weekend was totally disproportional to what was factually occurring. It felt like my nerves were flayed. I sense it is giving me the awareness and motivation to put this one behind me for the last time. Doing so would free up so much of my life force that has been lost to this trigger. I know it would give me a whole new reality. So I will dive in, trust and keep challenging that voice that says I can’t by saying, yes, I can!

O.k., now smoke alarm firing with ear splitting noise, just what my frayed nerves needed. I see what road overwhelm wants to take me down. See how I want to run and escape that feeling of my nerves being attacked by fire-ants.  I went and sat outside in the fog and asked for help. I steadied my breath. I watched my thoughts circle like a sand storm. I slowed them down and questioned them. We tried prying the fire alarm apart, smashing it, shutting it down, nothing worked. I finally thought **&&^^%$#@#@#$$%^&&** I am shutting that *&&^%$$##$ alarm off. I studied it again and finally figured out how to disable it yet it was jammed. I wanted to get furious at how stupid it was. Instead I stayed with it and finally disabled it. The feeling of triumph and elation was intense. I had overcome the voice that said I could not. 

My sense is frayed nerves may be par for the course right now. Little triggers that create the feeling my nerves are being sawed with a jagged tomahawk would normally not even register in my awareness.This is a period of time that will go down in the annals of history as perhaps the moment of the greatest transformation the world has ever know. We are living through it in this instant. With the huge solar flares and major astrological events practically daily, it is no wonder there is no status quo. We are all in unknown territory. There is no precedent for this epoch. Trust whatever you are experiencing is perfect for you and your soul growth. Yet pay extra attention. I see extremely aggressive driving and other signs things are definitely "not normal." 

 My loves, spend as much time as you can in silence and/or nature. Take it as easy as you can this whole month. Pass on all unnecessary busyness. Stay centered and alert. May the Force be with you.