Tuesday, October 30, 2012

seeing only good and the election

Thanks to any of you who helped hold for my sister during the storm. She came through relatively unscathed. A huge tree came down but just missed her house. They are without power but she has a generator.

I have not seen election news at all. I never planned to write about it but after reading an article yesterday decided to throw in my two cents. To be honest, I didn't have such a strong positive feeling for anyone, just a deep concern one side might not be interested in the people's highest good. I know many people are apathetic, thinking the whole thing is a joke and therefore don't intend to vote. I urge you to vote, however you belief, as I do think it is crucial. I happen to agree with the article below. Actually after reading it, it strengthened and restored my confidence in the one candidate that I had felt empathy for as well as disappointment and uncertainty about his loyalties. Reading this helped me shift again back to renewed faith. I had already come to a similar opinion, this article just reinforced it. Whatever your belief, please join me in sending love to all sides. Hatred and animosity do no one any good. This much I KNOW for sure.


Monday, October 29, 2012

sending light

Please join me in sending Light to the East coast of the United States and all it's inhabitants, including my sister JoAnn. Let's see everyone protected during the storm. I also want us to join our energies to continue to see the highest and the best outcome for our presidential race here in the USA. Remember to send light to all sides rather than increase the darkness by vilifying or attacking either side.

later in the day:

An interesting aside. As I was looking at pictures of the actual storm, I realized it didn’t not look so intense as they seemed to be staying and I began to smell a rat and then read this article. This writer senses too that the situation is being manipulated to create more fear.  Let’s join energy to see all is well. I remember being freaked out during the 1994 earthquake in the San Fernando valley. I lived nearby and could look out my window to see there was minimal damage. Yet watching the TV repeat the same pictures of the very small area that had major damage, I felt like the city was falling down around my ears. The more I watched, the more afraid I became until I finally had to shut if off totally so I could calm down and again grasp reality.

A key element of sending this storm Love as well as our positive will and intent, is not worrying that this storm will play-out the way that the dark would like it to. Send this storm your calm, your happiness, your Love; you will Create very real ripple-effects that will mitigate this storm while still seeing that it’s intended purpose [healing collective density] is attained tenfold by doing so. To put it simply – don’t worry, be happy now!

Saturday, October 27, 2012


My dear friends in Russia,

Thank you so much for being the country that visits my blog second only to the United States. I am so happy you check in. Know that I hold you in my heart and sometimes I even try to picture each of you. You are an integral part of my soul family. So delicious to connect with you, even so indirectly! Giant Universal hug!!

Friday, October 26, 2012

seeing no error

O.K. this is about the huge realization I had while in Nevada. A little drama played out while we were there and definitely got my attention. I asked  my internal teacher what I needed to learn, understand, heal. I woke up in the middle of the night and perused my Course in Miracles and it was talking about seeing no error, no mistake, no sin. Now this is one of these ideas I get intellectually yet had not yet fully digested. Suddenly it sunk it. I had been seeing error all over the place and reacting big time. I was seeing another's behavior as rude, wrong, inappropriate and/or dangerous. The details don't matter and, out of respect for others’ privacy, shall remain unmentioned. Now it felt impossible to me to see it any other way but screwed and I literally prayed and asked for a sign I was on the right track. I asked that if my understanding was correct that I fall into a deep, profoundly peaceful and long sleep. I had done this once before as I was agonizing on whether or not I should stay in my marriage and had fallen into one of the most peaceful and deep sleeps of my life. It happened again. I mean do I need to see it chiseled in stone? It was so simple I could hardly fathom it. See no error in these circumstance? You gotta be kidding?! #%$%$^%^% I am sure if I took a random poll most people would agree this person was at fault. Interestingly enough my dear friend agreed with my view and added fuel to the fire. So I got two big lessons for the price of one. I got to realize how I had projected my upset and concerns on to her and she was just feeding it back to me! I had created the whole spin! The other lesson was harder to swallow. See no error here, no problem?! What the (insert your own swear words), I'd thought I'd give it a whirl. Lo and behold, the situation improved dramatically. I also asked to be shown clearly so that no matter how obtuse I was I could not miss it, what was going on that was causing the behavior that seemed so unpalatable. Mama Mia, I could hardly believe what I was shown and how clearly it explained everything so that the only possible response was compassion. It felt like my world tilted 180 degrees. I then responded with compassion to a new situation that arose where what I was shown that was so totally in left field that I literally had zero experience with it.  Yet miraculously (and I don't use that word lightly) I KNEW what to do and the situation shifted absolutely within one minute!! Your going to have to take my word on how dramatic and mind boggling the shift was.

Sin is an archery term meaning to miss the mark. No big deal, you just missed the target, no need to get upset or judgmental. Just aim again. And lately I do feel it when I miss my aim and end up in the feeling of separation through judgment, upset, resistance or any other of the ego's favorite games. The "no funness" of ego seems to increase daily while equally the bliss and joy of unity climbs proportionally.

So on to this morning. Another little drama was trying to ensnare me. It was the repeat of a pattern that has sent me to the moon for years. This time I was determined not to buy it. Using every resource I have (mind you this was first thing in the morning, not my best time) I stayed focused on the outcome I wanted. There was a serious time factor here and we were down to the 11th hour for resolution. I kept breathing deeply, kept my focus on a positive outcome with razor sharp intent, kept focused on seeing no problem, no error. My body stayed almost completely calm and, against all odds, the outcome I desired unfolded!!! Again, you will have to take my word for how astounding this was. I mean my mouth fell open and if I had seen someone walk on water, I couldn’t have been more impressed. This stuff works!!! Despite all evidence to the contrary, I refused to see a problem and (drum roll please) no problem existed. It all worked out perfectly. Kiddos, I am on to something here. Check it out in your life. When a big problem arises, say to yourself, all is well. At first it might not work as your body will likely still be reacting to the “problem.” Yet with practice, we can tame even our bodies' response. This is not an isolated incident. Just a few examples: tire pressure gauge alarm goes off, no problem (last time it happened I freaked out and did have a flat), turns out only that shift in temperature had created drop in tire pressure; financial snafus getting easily resolved; lost items reappearing etc etc. Play with this idea and see what happens.

I read that astrologically today is a good day to set the intent to support healing in our fellow humans and/or in ourselves. Let’s join our energies and power together and make a simple declaration for healing.
I’ll end with a quote from Abraham about the power of our thoughts. I thought of an example he had given about a family’s problem with a child’s bed wetting where the answer was not to see if as a problem and how well that worked out after months of frustration. That supported me in my efforts to free myself of this old uncomfortable pattern. YIPPEE!!!

Metabolism is vibrational response to your moment in time. Metabolism is the way the Energy is moving through your body. And so, everything is in response to the way you feel — everything is. Everything is mind over matter. Every disease is mental first. Everything is about thought. Everything is about vibration. Everything is about the way you feel. Practice scenarios that feel good—and never mind reality. Reality is only a brief moment in time that you keep repeating.
--- Abraham
Excerpted from the workshop in Silver Spring, MD on Saturday, May 11th, 2002 # 604
Our Love, 
Esther (and Abraham and Jerry)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

light and dark

Light and dark

Anybody else having some challenging days? Monday was an extra unpleasant day for me. As I said to my friends, I wanted to quit but couldn’t find anybody to accept my resignation. Tuesday I felt fabulous, slept like a cloud and danced through the day. Now Wednesday feels like a truck is trying to park on my chest. I understand we got a one-two punch astrologically yesterday and today. Tomorrow is supposed to bring in some smoother energies. Sigh.

I wish to discuss something that I experience as vital for protecting ourselves during these more challenging times. The University where I got my Master’s always stressed this point but honestly, I never really got it. I do now. It is protecting our energy field with light. I was taught to say each morning, “I surround myself, this house and everyone therein with the pure white Light of Spirit.” I said that for years mechanically without feeling or true understanding. Now I work with the Light and protective energies much more consciously and with greater commitment. One way I protect myself when I feel in contact with a darker energy or field, for example when someone is angry or I am personally experiencing inner darkness, is to imagine myself surrounded by a sphere of Light in an egg shape around my entire body. I may use a white or violet light depending on what I sense is called for. I call in the energy of Love every morning and usually send it to loved ones as well.

To be honest part of me still thought it was hocky, pokey. I felt like it was a children’s game I played for fun. No more. I notice children are particularly vulnerable to discordant energies and I regularly surround my child with a protective energetic field and I recommend you do the same with your children if you have any.

I had a dramatic opportunity to experience the effectiveness of this practice last week. A person close to me had a dramatic shift in her behavior and shared very frightening thoughts and imagery. Absolutely without thought, I literally placed my heart on top of hers and infused her with a loving energy, bathing her with all my power to create a field of Love. The shift was dramatic. She reported a huge inner shift within a minute and her behavior altred immediately too. I would find it hard to believe if I had not experienced it myself.

I highly encourage each of you to find your own method of protecting yourself and your loved ones from the often discordant energies resulting from and part of the ascension process. My sense is some of the energies are reactions to the shift and some of the energies are deliberate provocations. No matter.  We are ALWAYS more powerful when we focus on our essence as Love than any force being thrown at us. 

Another tool to strengthen us and our immune system is to bless our food. We can also clear the energies of our home and workplaces. My girlfriend has a very intense job with the county where there is much drama and chaos. She physically saged ( native American practice of using the smoke of burning sage to clear energies) her office. The smell is quite distinct and got me in trouble  when I tried saging the center where I did low cost counseling. People came out of the woodwork wondering what was going on. Again I digress. Anyway it got so if she didn't sage for a while, her clients and coworkers would request a clearing as they could feel the shift in energy.

Another thing I do every morning is declare the type of day I wish to have. My desire is always ffor a peaceful, loving, joyful day. I declare my intention and then asked to be guided. By listening to my inner guidance which comes for a Source beyond me, a Source that runs the entire Universe, that becomes the type of energy I experience that day.

If you’re like I was, you’ll be thinking, bah humbug, hocus pocus. I know. Yet why not experiment and see what happens?

I want to share one more very effective tool I love. I believe if enough people did this, it would entirely shift the dynamic of the world. This blog family is over 60 countries strong. Imagine the positive effect we could have if every one of us took one minute a day to do the meditation I will suggest? I firmly sense it would rock our world, blasting us into a delicious probable future. So, here goes:

Breath in an image of sunlight through your crown chakra, the top of your head. Let it fill your belly and reach all the way down the front and back of your body to the bottom of your pelvis. Then imagine breathing out through your heart sending a wave of sunlight and love in a circumference that extends thirty miles in every direction with you as the center point. Continue for one minute. I bet you think this would be a drop in the bucket. I disagree. I believe together we can connect our fields and shift the balance of energy on this planet to Love. Will you join me and try it?
(Meditation courtesy of an amazing local yet world renowned healer Cosme  at http://alohacosmecherylann.com)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

anniversary, surrender and fields

Twenty-five years ago today I met my Austrian wasband in Mexico. What a blessing he has been in my life. I want to acknowledge him here for all the love and support he has given me. Georg, I thank you for the gift you are in my life! What a ride it has been!!!!

I just spoke to my friend Uschi who said how a year and a half ago when my marriage ended I could never have imagined how it would all be for me now. Too true. I could never have imagined how I see so much necessary healing has occurred through these experiences. I never could have believed the Universe had my best interest at heart and was delivering my most heart felt desire to return to Love and end the internal sense of separation. Lucky I am not in charge of my own unraveling, release process!

Yesterday I was in shit shape. I had a bad headache and all seemed overwhelming and impossible. Luckily by now I get the drill and I did the best to allow it without resistance. There was a tornado warning (in northern California?) so I didn't get to receive an energy boost from my class in Sacramento as I chose to stay home. That turned out to be a blessing too as I chose to pull myself out of the dumpster. Instead of wallowing in my pain, as I sometimes have a tendency to do, I got on with it and cleaned my daughter's room. UHG. Cleanliness is not my greatest gift and I have had a real shift in my ability to maintain order. But I digress. The point is I used my own power, my own strength to pull out of the nose dive. Wow. And I had a little help from my friends. Two phone calls help me shift my energy. I see how interactive our fields of energy are. I see how easily an uplifting energy carries me and how  I must stay super vigilant if I am around a discordant energy not to fall into it. I am recognizing more and more how we influence each other and I am more and more dedicated to be an energy of love and upliftment rather than a downer as i have been too often in life.

My loves, I am off to see my health coach so this is a bit rushed. Perhaps I'll polish it later. Sending you so much love and light as we all are given the opportunity to clean up our messes.

healing love's vunerability

I stumbled on this man's site and know nothing about him except one thing. For me he capture's the flavor and down falls of special love and reveals the antidote. I am copying the entire long article as the language is rather convoluted and difficult to understand so I wish for my international readers to be able to translate it if they desire. Real Love of course is not vulnerable to wounds as our human love is because it knows it's own wholeness. But to get to that place of wholeness is, for me, the journey of life. I know I am not alone in finding this arduous and frightening territory. Yet it is an inner landscape that must be traversed to find freedom. To be able to accept another's unloving behavior without any internal or physical reaction seemed almost impossible to me. Yet, still rarely I admit, I am able to see right past the person's hurtful words or behavior to their own woundedness and then my natural response is compassion which keeps me firmly grounded in Love. To react immediately throws me into the pain of separation. To see and know this has been the single most significant and monumental leap in my journey to freedom and unity. Not so easy I know yet I can absolutely guarantee you it is worth the ride.

 The Wound of Love

Love Does Not Fail For You When You Are Rejected or Betrayed or Apparently Not Loved. Love Fails For You When You Reject, Betray, and Do Not Love. . . . Therefore, The Most Direct Way To Know Love In every moment Is To Be Love In every moment. In The Way Of Adidam, My Devotee Is Founded In This Capability By Virtue Of his or her Constant Communion With Me (and, Thus and Thereby, With The Divine Person, Reality, or Truth).

Only A Fool Will Fail To Cultivate The Relationship To The Beloved. Likewise, Only A Fool Will Fail To Cultivate The human Well-being and The Spiritual, Transcendental, and Divine Realization Of his or her any partner in intimate embrace. And This Is Also True: The ego (or the self-Contracted individual) Is Just Such A Fool!

The emotional-sexual ego Constantly Hunts For an other. The ego-"I" (or self-Contraction) Hunts (or Seeks) an other (Even all others and The Total Objective Cosmos) In Order To Be Gratified, Consoled, and Protected. The Compulsive Hunting (or Search) For an other Is Generated By The Feelings Of Un-Happiness, Emptiness, and Separateness That Possess and Characterize the self-Contracted being.

Once an other Is Found, the ego-"I" Clings To the other, At First pleasurably, and Then Aggressively. The ego-"I" Depends On the other For Happiness, and, Over time, the ego-"I" Makes Greater and Greater Demands On the other For Fulfillment Of itself (In all of its desires). Often, In time, the other Becomes Depressed and Exhausted By This Demand (and Thus Leaves, or Dies). Just As Likely, the ego-"I" Discovers, Over time, That the other Cannot or Will Not Satisfy The Absolute Demand For attention and Consolation. In That Case, the ego-"I" Feels Betrayed, and the ego-"I" Begins The Strategy Of Punishing, Rejecting, and Abandoning the other,

Every conditionally Manifested being Has (In time) Often Been The Proposed Victim Of This Strategy Of Separate and Separative selves. Even More, Until The Heart Gives Way To Divine Love-Bliss, every conditionally living being Is The Original Genius and Grand Performer Of This Strategy Of Separate and Separative selves. It Is The Strategy Of Narcissus, and It Is The Dreadful Work Of all conditionally living beings who Are Not Awake To The Truth Beyond the ego-"I".

If There Is To Be Real Happiness, This Cycle Of egoic "self-Possession" and other-Dependency (or object-Dependency Generally) Must Be Transcended. In The Way Of Adidam, It Is Transcended Through Most Fundamental self-Understanding, and Through self-Transcending Love, Service, self-Discipline, and Meditation (In Responsive Devotional Relationship To Me, and, Thus and Thereby, In Responsive Devotional Relationship To The Divine Person), and (Eventually, By Grace) Through Direct Realization Of The Self-Radiant (or Inherently Spiritual), Self-Existing (or Transcendental), and (Ultimately) Divine Self-Condition Of Being (Itself). In This Manner, The Inherent Happiness Of The Spiritual, Transcendental, and Divine Self Replaces The Fruitless Search (or Hunt) For Happiness By the self-Contracted and Dependent conditional self. . . .

The egoic (or self-Contracted) individual Is (By Virtue Of his or her History, self-Idea, and Lack Of Spiritual, Transcendental, and Divine Realization) Chronically Bound To The Ritual Of Rejection. The emotional (or emotional-sexual) Career Of egoity Tends To Manifest As A Chronic Complaint That Always Says, By Countless Means, "You Do Not Love me." This Abusive Complaint Is Itself The Means Whereby the egoic individual Constantly Enforces his or her Chronic Wanting Need To Reject, Avoid, or Fail To Love others. Indeed, This Complaint Is More Than A Complaint. It Is A self-image (The Heart-Sick or self-Pitying and Precious Idea That "I" Is Rejected) and An Angry Act Of Retaliation (Whereby others Are Punished For Not Sufficiently Adoring, pleasurizing, and Immortalizing the Precious ego-"I").

The egoic (or self-Contracted) individual Is Chronically and Reactively Contracted From all of its relations. Fear Is The Root Of this self-Contraction, and The Conceived Purpose Of this self-Contraction Is self-Preservation, Even self-Glorification. Indeed, Fear Is the self-Contraction. The self-Contraction, or the ego-"I", Is The Root-Action or Primal Mood That Is Fear. Therefore, All Of The self-Preserving, self-Glorifying, and other-Punishing Efforts Of the ego-"I" (or the self-Contracted body-mind) Only Preserve, Glorify, and Intensify Fear Itself.

Fear, the ego-"I", Un-Love, or The Total Ritual Of self-Contraction Must Be Understood and Transcended. All Of Fear, egoity, self-Contraction, or Un-Love Is Only Suffering. It Is Only Destructive. And It Is Entirely Un-Necessary.

Fear, egoity, self-Contraction, or Un-Love Is Chronically Expressed Through The Complex Ritual Of Rejection, or The Communication Of The Dominant Idea "You Do Not Love me". Once This Is (In The Way Of Adidam) Truly, and Completely, and Most Fundamentally Understood, The Ritual Of Rejection, Fear, egoity, self-Contraction, or Un-Love Can Be Directly Transcended, If Only It Is Summarily Replaced By The Ordeal (or Discipline and Practice) Of self-Transcending Love, and (Then, By Grace) Heart-Communion With and (Ultimately) Heart-Communication Of The Divine Self-Condition, In The Form "I Love You".

Therefore, In The Way and Manner Of Adidam, Understand Your Separate and Separative self (As Un-Love) and Transcend Your Separate and Separative self (By Love). And This Is Perfected (Progressively, In The Way and Manner Of Adidam) By Devotional (or self-Transcending and self-Forgetting) Heart-Surrender Of the conditional body-mind To My Bodily (Human) Form, and My Spiritual (and Always Blessing) Presence, and My Very (and Inherently Perfect) State, and, Thus and Thereby, To The Person and The Forms or Characteristics Of The Spiritual, and Transcendental, and Divine, Self.

If You Will Thus Be Love (By This Devotion), You Must Also Constantly Encounter, Understand, and Transcend The Rejection Rituals Of others who Are, Even If Temporarily or Only Apparently, Bereft Of Divine Wisdom, Therefore, If You Will Be Love (As My Devotee, and, Thus and Thereby, As A Devotee Of The Divine Person), You Must (In The Way and Manner Of The Heart) Always Skillfully Transcend The Tendency To Become Un-Love (and Thus To Become self-Bound, Apparently Divorced From Grace-Given Divine Communion) In Reaction To The Apparent Lovelessness Of others. And You Must Not Withdraw From Grace-Given Divine Communion (or Become Degraded By Un-Love) Even When Circumstances Within Your Intimate Sphere, or Within The Sphere Of Your Appropriate social Responsibility, Require You To Make Difficult Gestures To Counter and Control The Effects or Undermine and Discipline The Negative and Destructive Effectiveness Of The Rituals Of Un-Love That Are Performed By others.

For those who Are Committed To Love (and who Always Commune With The One Who Is Love), Even Rejection By others Is Received and Accepted As A Wound, Not An Insult. Even The Heart-Necessity To Love and To Be Loved Is A Wound. Even The Fullest Realization Of Love Is A Wound That Never Heals.

The egoic Ritual Calls every individual To Defend himself or herself Against The Wounds Of Love and The Wounding Signs Of Un-Love (or egoic self-Contraction) In the daily world. Therefore, Even In The Context Of True Intimacy, The Tendency (Apart From Spiritual Responsibility) Is To Act As If Every Wound (Which Is Simply A Hurt) Is An Insult (or A Reason To Punish).

The Reactive Rituals Of egoity Must Be Released By The self-Transcending (and Then Spiritual) Practice Of Love. This Requires Each and Every Practitioner Of The Way Of Adidam To Observe, Understand, and Relinquish The emotionally Reactive Cycle Of Rejection and Punishment. And The Necessary Prerequisites For Such Relinquishment Are Vulnerability (or The Ability To Feel The Wounds Of Love Without Retaliation), Sensitivity To the other In Love (or The Ability To Sympathetically Observe, Understand, Forgive, Love, and Not Punish or Dissociate From the other In Love), and Love Itself (or The Ability To Love, To Know You Are Loved, To Receive Love, and To Know That Both You and the other, Regardless Of Any Appearance To The Contrary, Are Vulnerable To Love and Heart-Requiring Of Love).

It Is Not Necessary (or Even Possible) To Become Immune To The Feeling Of Being Rejected. To Become Thus Immune, You Would Have To Become Immune To Love Itself. What Is Necessary (and Also Possible) Is To Enter Fully Into The Spiritual Life-Sphere Of Love. In The Way Of Adidam, This Is Done By First Entering (By Heart) Into My Company (and, Thus and Thereby, Into The Company Of The Divine Person), and (Therein) To Submit To The Divine Embrace Of Love, Wherein Not Only Are You Loved, but You Are Love Itself. Then You Must Magnify That Love-Radiance In the world of human relationships.

If You Will Do This, Then You Must Do The Sadhana (or Concentrated Practice) Of True Active Love and Real (True and Steady) Trust. As A Practical Matter, You Must Stop Dramatizing The egoic Ritual Of Betrayal In Reaction To The Feeling Of Being Rejected. You Must Understand, Transcend, and Release The Tendency To Respond (or React) To Signs Of Rejection (or Signs That You Are Not Loved) As If You Are Insulted, Rather Than Wounded. That Is To Say, You Must Stop Punishing and Rejecting others When You Feel Rejected. If You Punish another When You Feel This, You Will Act As If You Are Immune To Love's Wound. Thus, You Will Pretend To Be Angrily Insulted, Rather Than Suffer To Be Wounded. In The Process, You Will Withdraw and Withhold Love. You Will Stand Off, Independent and Dissociated. You Will Only Reinforce The Feeling Of Being Rejected, and You Will Compound It By Actually Rejecting the other. In This Manner, You Will Become Un-Love. You Will Fail To Love. You Will Fail To Live In The Sphere Of Love. Your Own Acts Of Un-Love Will Degrade You, Delude You, and Separate You From Your Love-partner (or Your partners In Love) and From Love Itself. Therefore, those who Fail To Practice The Sadhana Of Love In their intimate emotional-sexual relationships, and In human relationships Generally, Will, By That Failure, Turn Away (or Contract) From God (or The Great Condition That Is Reality Itself).

Love Does Not Fail For You When You Are Rejected or Betrayed or Apparently Not Loved. Love Fails For You When You Reject, Betray, and Do Not Love. Therefore, If You Listen To Me, and Also If You Hear Me, and Also If You See Me, Do Not Stand Off From Relationship. Be Vulnerable. Be Wounded When Necessary, and Endure That Wound or Hurt. Do Not Punish the other In Love. Communicate To one another, Even Discipline one another, but Do Not Dissociate From one another or Fail To Grant one another The Knowledge Of Love. Realize That each one Wants To Love and To Be Loved By the other In Love. Therefore, Love. Do This Rather Than Make Any Effort To Get Rid Of The Feeling Of Being Rejected. To Feel Rejected Is To Feel The Hurt Of Not Being Loved. Allow That Hurt, but Do Not Let It Become The Feeling Of Lovelessness. Be Vulnerable and Thus Not Insulted. If You Are Merely Hurt, You Will Still Know The Necessity (or The Heart's Requirement) Of Love, and You Will Still Know The Necessity (or The Heart's Requirement) To Love.

The Habit Of Reacting To Apparent Rejection (By others) As If It Were An Insult Always Coincides With (and Only Reveals) The Habit Of Rejecting (or Not Loving) others. Any one whose Habitual Tendency Is To Reject and Not Love others In The Face Of their Apparent Acts Of Rejection and Un-Love Will Tend To Reject and Not Love others Even When they Are Only Loving. Narcissus, The Personification Of the ego, the self-Contraction, or The Complex Avoidance Of Relationship, Is Famous For his Rejection Of The Lady, Echo, who Only Loved him. Therefore, If You Listen To Me, and Also If You Hear Me, and Also If You See Me, Be Vulnerable In Love. If You Remain Vulnerable In Love, You Will Still Feel Love's Wound, but You Will Remain In Love. In This Manner, You Will Always Remain In The human (and Then Divine) Sphere Of Love.

Therefore, The Most Direct Way To Know Love In every moment Is To Be Love In every moment.

In The Way Of Adidam, My Devotee Is Founded In This Capability By Virtue Of his or her Constant Communion With Me (and, Thus and Thereby, With The Divine Person, Reality, or Truth). Therefore, If any such a one Fails To Be Steady In This Communion With Divine Love-Bliss, Then he or she Will Become Weak In Love. And To Be Weak In Love (At Any Stage Of Life) Is To Be Always Already Independent, Insulted, Empty With Craving, In Search Of Love, Manipulative, Un-Happy, and Moved To Punish, Betray, and Destroy all relationships. Such a Weak one Always Already Feels Rejected and Is Never Satisfied. Indeed, such a one Is Not Even Found To Be Truly Lovable By others.

Those who Love Are Love, and others Inevitably Love them. Those who Only Seek For Love Are Not themselves Love, and So they Do Not Find It. (Even If they Are Loved, they Do Not Get The Knowledge Of It.) Only The Lover Is Lovable. Therefore, Every Heart Should Become As True Love Is. And My Every Listening Devotee, My Every Hearing Devotee, and My Every Seeing Devotee Should Realize (and Demonstrate) This Principle In True Active Love With Me (and Real, True Trust In Me), The One Who Is Love.

Monday, October 22, 2012

good news- two months to graduation

We are just two months away from the much anticipated 12.21.12. I have heard that some people fear catastrophe. I see it as the antithesis of that- the blast off point for awakening. Who knows what really will happen but I appreciate this new site who views it the way I do: depending on where you are on the ascension path it could be graduation day! Congratulations to the upcoming graduates!

...Maybe you’ll be moved to open up your own site. As lightworkers, the vast majority of us are here as communicators. We’re here to spread the word and facilitate events. We’re here to reassure and hold the balance against the storm.

We’re coming to a time of concentration, followed by momentum, and culminating in liftoff. All hands are needed. Our future is assured and our work awaits us. In two months time, the work will be over and it’ll be a time of endless vacation. Well, almost. The work that will await us won’t seem like work – ever again. Nothing will be the same ever, to our lasting benefit.


the treasure worth any price

Three years ago today I began my descent into the underworld. I was in the Denver airport when the world as I knew it began to disintegrate. The demarcation line was so clear. Before I lived an unfulfilling but stable life. I had literally traveled around the world two times to attempt to find myself and fill my internal emptiness. 
Here is the point I want to share. The descent was not particularly pleasant or enjoyable.For quite a long stretch I went through some very uncomfortable experiences as I shed my limitations, false beliefs and identities, fears and emptiness. The core belief that caused me the most difficulty was that Love was outside of me and must be sought and found in another. As my marriage disintegrated I was able to witness how I was a slave, a puppet to my need to have others prove to me that I was lovable. I had not fully understood how my then spouse's devotion and love had grounded me, despite all my dissatisfaction with my marriage. As that ground was pulled away from me I had no choice but to dive into those core fears.
It has been said over and over that there is only Love or fear. This journey has moved that from an interesting statement to a known experience embedded in my being. I mention this as I know many people right now are beginning a descent into their own limitations and false beliefs and it can stir up much fear. My deepest desire is to help us all remember that since our true Identity is Love, all else is illusion. As my understanding increases, I recognize now that I inadvertently sometimes expressed myself in a way that may have increased fear in my blog family. If so, I apologize. Reading other people’s site and feeling when their words stir up fear in me helped me recognize how I may have accidentally done the same thing. My desire now is that you feel the Love through these words that is the only reality.
The other significance this day had for me is to take a moment to express my gratitude for the experiences of the last years. My deepest yearning is to wake up to the Love that I am, to end the internal separation that has caused me so much agony. I asked the Universe to help me become conscious and then when my wish was granted, I freaked out. I guess I am not alone in wanting to have my dreams come true but don’t want to be uncomfortable in the process. What I know now is that the Universe, God, Spirit, my Higher Self, whatever you want to call it took me on the most direct and least painful path possible to get me where I most desire; home to mySelf, to the Love that is beyond words. I am not there by a long stretch so it is quite possible that the discomfort is not over. I share this to remind myself to see all of this as a gift and to offer another perspective on challenges. If you are meeting unexpected difficulties, perhaps you can use my experience to actually welcome them as the answer to your prayers. I recognize this is not an easy shift to make yet knowing what I know now, I would DEFINITELY choose to go through all of it again rather than stay in the half dead limbo I was living in. The moments and days of peace, of understanding, of joy and most of all, of Love, are a treasure beyond any price.Can you reach out and hold my hand, knowing that despite the discomfort you may be experiencing that all will be well and all will be well and all will be very, very well?

Sunday, October 21, 2012

tears of homecoming

I have just returned from a relaxing week at a spa with natural mineral hot springs. I feel very blessed as those healing waters soothed my tired body and helped integrate all the physical shifts this ascension process is working on my body. I had a day that was quite challenging (maybe another blog) and I had a few hours of the most significant awareness popping into my consciousness. (also another blog perhaps). So to my point. I again had what I call bleed throughs to my new reality. The feeling tone of my future which is simultaneously my now is SCRUMPTIOUS!!! I feel that in the past I must have been some type of water creature as I find the sound and experience of water to be so soothing and stabilizing. Our room was near a waterfall and I sat in awe listening to the splash of the dancing water. The hot mineral water soothed me in the fluids of rebirth. As I listened to the waterfall I jumped to a parallel or future reality where I lived near water on a more permanent basis. I felt a flood of joy sweep me as I felt this probable reality enter my blood stream. My family life was as I have always imagined it, filled with laughter and love. My heart felt expanded to encompass multiple universes. Tears of joy washed my cheeks as I touched the reality of this life. This future self beckons me with her joy and certainty. She sends me waves of support and confidence that all is and will be well. She holds me so tenderly until I catch up to my joy. Ah, how can describe the sense of homecoming it brings to me, of finally arriving at the place I have always belonged?
I met my daughter for the first time in a home in Guatemala City. She arrived about an hour and a half later than planned and my heart was about to burst with nervous excitement. The whole time I waited I repeated a mantra to keep myself from freaking out, “God in me, me in God, are One.” When I first met her I looked into her eyes and felt blank. I had anticipated this moment for so long and I felt frozen. She was covered in fur from birth but my then spouse told me she had some rare and permanent condition that would keep her looking like a baby gorilla. (wrong, only protective fur from birth) I kept staring into her eyes until I felt myself fall, fall, fall. I can only describe it as falling into heaven. I was in bliss. I began to cry and cried for days. I would say nothing except I would not leave her. My poor spouse kept saying “what do you mean, what should I do?” We ended up changing our flight to stay longer, against all practical considerations and eventually returned until the adoption was complete. I had various theories on why I couldn’t stop crying yet the other day it came to me in a flash what was happening. It was tears of recognition. I recognized my daughter. She carried the sense of home for me. I KNEW HER!!! We had been separated for so long and had finally found each other again. I KNEW we were meant to be together. I knew our relationship would be amazingly powerful. I KNEW I had restored another piece of home to myself. The tears were tears of recognition. Then, as now, I KNEW/KNOW I was/am on my way Home.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

amazing article on educating children in the present

I love, love, love this. thank you Uschi for turning me on to this wonderful man.

Satsang Excerpt

Education for Children
An Education to explore the present


I have a question about children. Is it necessary to support them in developing the sense of Ego, the strong sense of ‘I’, that they have to later transcend? Or if we let them grow up consciously, is it not necessary to develop the Ego?

Guruji Sri Vast:
Most of the problems we face in the society are, because we never allowed anyone to be a child. Most of the grown-ups are behaving childish, because they never had the opportunity to be a child. So when they grow up, they somehow get the opportunity to be a child. All our educations are future oriented. There is no education given to a child to explore the present. Before the age of eight they learn to read and write up to 10‘000. Even the number 1000 at the age of eight is useless to a child. What are they going to do with that number? A thousand toys or what? It is useless information. We prepare the child for the future; one day this information will be useful. From the childhood itself, we train them towards the future. We create the future. We create the dream towards the future and we motivate the future. We say, “Prepare well now, and your good result will be in the future.” It is a future oriented education, nothing is there for ‘right now’. Right now, what does the child want to do? It wants to play, it wants to be wild, it wants to be, to just explore.

an education to explore the present - children at the beach
When the children say, they have seen the elephant with five legs, is it right or wrong? According to the adult, it is wrong. So what do we do? We correct them. We say, “It is impossible. You are wrong. The elephant got only four legs.” The child says “No, it has five legs!” We force them to believe that there are only four legs, instead of wondering, in what way we lost the opportunity to see the fifth one? See, no need to raise the children. Everything is raised by its own. What is there to develop? Whatever came, it came already developed. We prepare them to fit in our social setup, to fight or to be tricky. We provide this society to them. We teach them about our history, which was full of wars and conquerers. It is the past. Then we teach them about the future, all the technology and mathematics. We teach everything about how to manage the world which we are living in. A world which we ourselves are trying to free from. We ourselves are trying to free from this drama, but at the same time we teach our children how to fit into this drama. It is all unnecessary. They already came as Divine, as the Truth. If you want to do something good to the child, try to be a child with them. Become a child. All your exploration is, that you want to know you. You want to meet you. You want to find yourself. All you want to do is, to become a child again, that is all. When you see the child, you have something in front of you, which is giving a great opportunity to accompany that child. Play with them! Be with them, and be them. Be a child! When you are with the child, don‘t be an adult, but be a child. That is the only thing they are missing. They want the companionship, to see the world through their eyes; to see everything through the eyes of the innocent child, through the eyes of the emptiness. Where there is no manipulation, where there is no intention, where the thing is, just seeing, just sensing.

We usually sense through our mind, we sense through all the information we have developed throughout our Life. Through that, we see something. When the child sees, they do not have any information, they just see directly. In a way, what they are seeing is pure, un-manipulated. But we want to correct them, to say, what they are experiencing and sensing is wrong. We want to correct them. We want them to see Life through our experiences, which is not their experience, yet. Say, you are 35 years old and you want to teach them about Life. By raising the children with that view point, what Life are you going to teach? The Life of the 35 year old to the five year old child? They will have that experience when they reach 35. Now they have the opportunity to see the world through the eyes of a five year old. By training them, by planning and creating a world for them, we are in a way trying to remove 30 years of living experience from them. The Life is not experienced through their senses, but we are giving a readymade Life into their mind. They start to think from that point of view. In a way, we remove their whole childhood.

Even games; you buy children games, the toys, everything is defined. Even when you buy LEGO, there is a picture of how it could be used. It is defined, the outcome, the result is defined. On the LEGO box is a picture, and you expect the child to build according to this picture. So, what is the play now? There is no play. The only thing is to just follow the picture, because the play is already defined by some adult, by some educator, by some education method, by some pedagogues. Someone already defined how things are going to be, and we are training the children to see through that, how to explore through that. But as a child, the childhood itself is a pedagogy. The childhood itself is an experience. It is a non-directional teaching. We train them, we teach them how to see the world in which we feel miserable. What is the use of giving them the world, in which we ourselves are not happy? Let them imagine, let them fantasize, let them be curious, let them create the whole new world! Why don‘ we ask, if we can participate with them? “Is there any space in your world? I like to play with you. I like to become a child again, to be reborn.”

You have to understand, what you lost is your whole childhood. You are forced to be and forced to become. Now it became a habit to become something, it became a habit to be someone and we are busy in that. Whatever system we give to the children, even the alternative system, we are trying to give a system. Then what exactly does the child need?

A child needs a space. A child does not need a teacher, it needs a person known as ‘co-knower’. Co-knower is the one, who is ready to know together, who is ready to explore together, who is ready to fantasize together, who is ready to be a child together. We do not need adults to raise the children, because the childhood is very, very important. At the age of five, they know what they are supposed to know. Not what is the name of the new president, what is the economy, what is our history, what is the morning prayer. No, that they don‘t want to know. They want to know how to experience, how to touch, and that they already know. So simple. When they are twenty, they know what is needed for twenty. Allow, and create space!

What you yourself are looking for is nothing but a space. Even if you go to an Ashram or any Teachings, you are trying to find that space so that you can experience it. But when some Teachings or some methodologies become too strong, then even that empty space is occupied. When are you going to experience your space? Give space to yourself to experience your emptiness. In the same way, create space for the children to experience their emptiness. The parents may be afraid, “But they may not fit into the society.” May I know who fits into this society? Does anyone fit into this society? No!

No one fits into this society. I never met a person who fits into this society. Everyone is trying to fit into and be part of this society, without knowing what they are trying to be, that is the whole problem. It is simply a habit, trying to be part of this society. You yourself are creating this society, and you want to be accepted by your own creation. There is no society existing to fit in.

Now, there is something called childcare, it is separated. There are people who studied in the university to take care of the child. So we give the child to a professional and they are paid to take care of the children. As parents, we are busy, because we are going to get paid for doing something else, and we are paying somebody else to take care of our children.

Approach it radically! In the olden days there were no big goals. There was a Life Experience. Life is the only thing existing. A simply raw Life.

Experience the Life raw and uncooked. Without any recipe book, just a raw Life. What is a raw Life? Eating, sleeping, breathing, being and dying. So simple. Everything else is a creation in your mind, you are putting more spice in it, because everyone of you believes, your Life has a better mission. “I am not like anybody else, my Life has a better purpose.” So you want to do something better, something great. Building the road is not great, “I am going to do something greater, I want to help the world.” Who is really helping? The one who is building the road, cleaning the street? ‘I am going to be an artist’, ‘I am going to be a musician’, ‘I am going to be a poet’, ‘I am going to be an author’, ‘I am going to be a teacher’, ‘I am going to be a healer’, ‘I am going to be a president. I have a better purpose, I am not like everybody else’. See, even with all your better purposes, what will you do finally? You are running for food, a place to sleep, a place to be and a place to die. Simple. Your ego makes a lot of glorification and puts glittering things around it. Try to radically approach, what it is all about? A radical approach is needed, to know it and to come closer to you. It is not glittering words and a decorative language. No, radically and honestly: what exactly are you looking for at the end of the day? What are your fears?

Those villagers had a raw Life, no glitter around it, no decoration around it, but a raw Life, a direct living experience, the touch of the Nature. There was nothing existing called child-care or old-age home, because this was part of Living. The parents and children were not separated. And it was not like the parents had different things, ‘I want to go around the world, I want to explore, I want to do this’. They had no other goal than the child. The birth had only one goal, that was being together and experiencing the Beingness. The child and parents, even the whole village became one single experience. Everyone took care of everyone. There was even no separation of a mother; if a child cried, someone came and took it, they would not have asked, ‘Where is the mother?’ There was such a confidence and trust. Because everyone was a parent, there was no one alien, there was no separation, there was no fear; such a confidence! Everyone was part of the Life.

But now it is different. We have no idea what is happening to the children in the school. We believe the educational system, the government system, the school system or someone will take care of our child. They will teach what they want to know or what they think is good for our child. We feel good as long as we have some time for ourselves and our own Life is not over.

Try to understand, it is a very beautiful question. It is easy to say, even though we love our children, but most of the time our children become burdens. I meet so many parents. They say, “Now my child is ten years old, after another eight years, when they become eighteen, I will be free. After that I can travel. After that I will do what I like to do.” Having this feeling, think about how the children feel inside? Even if you don‘t say, “You are my burden”. They will sense it, they will know, “I am misplaced. I am a burden. My parents are in prison because of me.” Somehow you wait for the children to free from you. You wait for them to learn how to sustain this world by themselves, so that they can stand on their own legs. Look deeply inside, get to know, “Why am I making all these theories? Why do I need someone else to introduce this world to my children, and what is my purpose of being here?” Because we are busy. In a way we feel the children are stopping our dreams, they are hindering our process.

Being a father, being a mother is such a beautiful experience. It is a gift!

Try to look into it. It is an opportunity. It is an opportunity given to you, to take care of a God. It was an opportunity given to your parents too, when you were born. Raising children is raising a new humanity. Raising children is raising the consciousness. Raising children is an opportunity: something new can be explored, you become a child again, and you also get reborn.

All our problems are nothing. We are just strongly domesticated. Our educational system is one of the main mechanisms, which systematically domesticates us. What is the purpose of this domestication? Removing the wilderness from you. Making you to fit into this profit- and market oriented society and social structure. You become a citizen, and not a Being. That is something totally else: I become a ‘citizen of a country’, or I become a ‘Being’. We are all busy in becoming something.

In those olden days, the local based experience and sensing was alive; ‘I see the food, I like to eat it. I see something, I wish to touch it. I feel something, I like to smell it, I like to taste it’. It is local based experiencing and sensing. Now in the name of civilization, we have created a system called distant based sensing, which is happening through our mind. I want to see Australia, I want to feel it. I want to touch the Redwood forest in California. It is a distant based sensing, which is not in front of me right now. The more we learn, the more experiences are made with our minds, we create the space, we create the distance. It is one thing being in an Indian village and becoming aware of the Neem tree which is standing in front of you. The other thing is, becoming blind towards this tree and dreaming “It would be nice to do a Safari in Africa.” It is totally different.

Try to understand, it is a scientific question what you asked. Most of the people are searching. What exactly are you missing? What are you searching for? Seeking God? I have never seen anyone seeking God, to be honest. You cannot seek for God, because God is not hidden. You cannot search for something, which is not hidden. You are searching only for ‘you’ and what exactly do you mean with ‘you’? You are searching back to your wilderness, to your childhood, to an uninterpreted Life. You are coming all the way here in the name of finding yourself. In the name of finding the wilderness, the unknown state of yourself, because we are all simply domesticated. Now, when you have a child, an opportunity is given to you, that they do not have to become a seeker.

You are always Divine. All your feelings, your problems are not big. Don‘t make them big, they are not permanent. “I feel like this.” So what? Why are you making that big? Because you keep on changing. Your feelings are changing. None of your feelings are permanent. Nothing is permanent and you yourself are not permanent. Your feelings are also not permanent. Your joy is not permanent, your sorrow is not permanent, everything is temporary. What is the use of finding a permanent solution for this temporary feeling? “I feel like this, I feel like that, because of this...” Whenever you feel something due to some reason, you say to yourself, “So what?” After some time you will feel something different, and after some time, you will again feel something different. That is the beauty of the Life, that you are not stagnant! You keep on changing. Nothing is permanent in you. You keep on changing. I feel sad, “Oh my God, I got the opportunity to feel sad.” I feel good, “Oh, again I got the opportunity, to feel good.”

Life is not happening to you. Don‘t take anything so seriously, let the Life flow through you. Never try to enter into finding a solution for your temporary feelings, which is again happening in your mind. Any solution to the illusion, is also an illusion. Your feeling is also an illusion. Whatever solution I am going to give, that is also an illusion. Life is so beautiful. You can be busy in wondering about it, or you can be busy in enjoying it. Be a child, it is a better way to raise the child. When you become a child, you are not even raising a child, you are just being together. You will see a totally different world.

You can learn a lot from children by becoming a child. Why are you trusting the system to train your child? Every child comes with a natural intelligence. Everything which is manifested in a form, got a natural intelligence to sense the Life directly. By domesticating the child, we are removing their natural intelligence. What I am keen on is, not to give the children in the hands of a system, which will alienate them, which will train them how to become a good citizen, how to behave, how to be part of the monocultured mind. I see the possibility in every child, and everyone of you, to be living in your own world. I want every child to be on their own, not being monocultured. The more and more we are monocultured, it is easy for us to consume uniformly. This is good for the market, not for you.

I do not know about India, but I know in Europe children like to have the same thing as the other children. This is also a problem. It is not the parents choice. My daughter will say for stupid things, “This Mum, this is what I want!"

Guruji Sri Vast:
They are asking to have all the things, but not because they are in need of that. They are in need of something else. But what they see, from the childhood itself is that when a child cries, we give it a candy or a toy. You give something to them, but how long do you go and play with them? Observe, most of the time when children are crying, we give them something, so that they will not cry. We may not look, what exactly it is crying for. The child is crying for the Companion, or the Being, and it is crying for the warmth and the touch. But instead of providing that, we put on the TV or we give them a candy, or we even have this dummy, so that the child will not cry. There is a message in this crying, but we think it is not good, it is disturbing our actions.”

What are we doing? We are disturbed, and we don‘t want the children to disturb us in what we are doing. So we like to stop them. We say, “As long as they are not crying, the children are okay.”

If they are silent we say, it is a good child, everything is perfect. By the time it cries, it is a signal that the child is not okay. So we train them, by giving them something; Whenever it wants something, it cries and we give that. Slowly, in the name of love, many other things are coming. We have the same attitude to express our love. We also give material to prove our love. We are slowly trained like that. Observe, what exactly is happening in between the child and you, when the child is crying? What kind of information is exchanged? For what is the child crying, and what is our action? Do we really understand? Or do we have a readymade solution: if the child is crying, give this. The very basic thing is, we have to first accept that we are a Being. Beyond all our ideas, comfort, wealth, material and technology, we are a simple Being. Born into this eco system, born into this Nature, born into this form, born into this body, a simple Being. The food itself is not nurturing the child. The connection, the love, the touch, the care, so many things are involved, isn’t it? I have never seen that anyone or anything has a problem. Everything is divine. You are also divine.


offense or defense

I had a big ahha moment as Oprah would call it. I realized that until just a few weeks ago, my life has been played on the defensive. I have spend so much of my beautiful life energy trying to cope with fear and anxiety, initially by resisting it and than for years working to heal it. I had the huge shift about a month ago with the way I experience anxiety when I truly and sincerely fully embraced it, perhaps for the first time. That opened up the space for me to shift directions to an offensive life. Now I am the least sports minded person in the world yet those terms fit. I approach my life now with what I can offer and extend. What a difference! Why? Because it gives physical evidence of my own self view, of my own self regard. Most of my life I struggled with unworthiness, anxiety, self doubt, dislike of being on earth. I have slowly healed those patterns and beliefs. I now experience a spaciousness and Love that come closer and closer to my Essence. So what does one do with that kind of energy? Sing, dance and play. Extend the treasure. Now I get it. That is why extending one's treasure is so crucial, as Way of Mastery repeats over and over. It is an affirmation and confirmation of my inner reality. I can not extend a treasure I do not have.
I wake up every morning with new questions. Years ago my question was "how do I get through this day? Where is a spaceship outta here?" Then for many years it was"how do I heal my many challenges and obstacles? How do I parent with love when I feel so lost myself?" Now they are "How can I extend my treasure today? Who can I offer Love to? Where can I bring joy to myself and all of life? What or who can I bless?" Imagine what my life looks like based on what questions I ask myself. I am sure a picture will arise in your mind what my life will look like. Which life would you prefer?
I was at a lovely party the other day. I had not seen many of the people in months. So many looked radiant, as though sun was shining through their skin. Most seem in a somewhat similar place as I am. They feel the intensity strongly and in some ways are having the best time of their lives and yet in some ways, things are still quite difficult. The best and worst of times.
Yet I have the good fortune to know a few people who are more or less free, who experience little or no challenge, whose lives reflect their inner reality of unlimitedness, of grace. The central component I see in all of them is that they have found their gift and are fully engaged in offering it to the world, each in very unique ways. I personally know more than a handful of such people. They all look fabulous, younger than when I meet them years ago. They all have amazing energy and laugh a lot. They all seem so happy. They all work very hard (although I am sure they do not experience it as work) at extending their treasure, their gifts, making sure as many people as possible are touched by their lives. O.K. kids, we're on to something here. Of course, it is impossible to put the cart before the horse. One can only offer a gift that is recognized. The clearing of the obstacles is the prerequisite to a life of joy and Love. Yet I now have a lot of evidence, internally and externally, that this path really works. I love to say that I have literally been around the world twice looking for an answer that genuinely meets my need for unity and Love. Imagine my relief to have found it. And yes it was right inside all along. The growing knowledge of how magnificent I am, how extraordinary you all are is delicious. It is real. It is the Truth and it works. Enjoy the ride.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

discouragement and allowance

Last night I had about 40 minutes of irritation and heard myself sniping and criticizing, a very old energy pattern. I finally pulled out. My daughter brought me a moment of great joy when I said how I didn't like arguing. She said we didn't argue. Huh? She said it again and said "think about it." I did and realized I complained and she did her thing but in fact we didn't argue! She gave me a high five as that is a MAJOR pattern interrupt for us to be caught in that dynamic and yet not argue. I had so much love pouring out of me after that, cuddling and delighting in the shifted energy.
I had trouble falling asleep and woke throughout the night and then permanently very early. I felt MAJOR discouragement in my body. My daughter had been very discouraged last night and I took it on. I started to run a few negative stories then sank into a heaviness that felt it could bury me. I wanted to scream NO MORE!! I wanted to wallow in it. I wanted to RUN AWAY. Now if you saw yesterday's post, it is clear how quickly the energies can shift. I did the last thing I wanted to do since I know it is the only thing that works. I allowed it to be as it was. I felt it in my body, dropping the story. I just watched the heaviness that felt as though tons of mud was smothering me. I allowed it until shortly before the alarm would go off and then I started pulling in the Light, reminding myself of Who I am, doing my meditation as the Christ and then sending/ extending Love. Why is that so crucial? One can not give what one does not have. I can only extend Love if I have/am it. Slowly the energy shifted. My daughter woke up from a nightmare yet in a good space. I saw how quickly she can digest her own negativity and how it lingers much longer in me. I slowly felt better. On my drive home I beamed a ray of love to a jogger and his dog. He waved to me!!! I knew absolutely he had felt it. I was stunned when I saw him wave as I knew it was the confirmation I need that the Love I send is not being poured into a void of empty space. I KNEW it had made a difference and I again felt inspired. 
I took my car in for repair and the owner of the shop drove me home. He has many challenges on his plate including a dying sister, age 52. I felt discouragement begin to wrap it’s tendrils around me again. Yet this time I was able to zap it with a light beam of Love which I sent to both of us, surrounding us both in white Light. I looked up the oracle report and sure enough (like I had to check, not) we are getting inundated with a clearing energy now and it ain’t easy. My loves, if you feel discouraged today, be good to yourself. Keep your day as simple as possible. If you can, spend time in nature wherever you can find it. Know this energy is a fierce yet helpful energy of clearing. Know it will pass. Know you are not alone. Know others will be off balance too so protect yourself in whatever form works for you, with Light, with Love. Pay extra attention to your driving and anger fuse. Hey, I know it is all illusion but sometimes the illusion kicks ass and makes me want to yell, STOP, ENOUGH. Sad news, I ain’t in charge of the Universe so it will be what it will be. Actually it is super lucky I’m not in charge as I would be clueless how to manage all of this.
I notice how contagious fear is. I am so grateful for those around me who hold in Presence as that makes my life sooo much easier. I am grateful to my daughter and my friends Karin and Uschi. I am also thankful for my wasband Georg as he continues to bless me with so much  love and support. Beloveds, I send you so much Love in these challenging times I leave with a few inspiring quotes I saw this morning.

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep walking.” Zen proverb

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Employed by the Divine

(I love playing with the type face. This one is extra pleasing to my eye.)
 To the topic at hand: I have recently been contemplating the commitment I made almost two decades ago to be employed by God. I was a student at the University of Santa Monica getting my Master’s in Spiritual and Counseling Psychology with an emphasis on Consciousness, Health and Healing. (doesn’t that sound delicious? It was!) I had hesitated to get my Master’s there, thinking another more recognized school might help me in the job market. I was concerned as this would be my sole means of support. When I shared that concern with a graduate, she said this would be the means of my soul support. WHOA!!! That just blew me away. That phrase has sat with me for over two decades and she was so right. The school was a huge foundation for soul support. Somewhere toward the end of that program I decided to cast away my survival and money fears and be employed by the Divine. What a momentous and wise decision that was. I have never looked back and have had rather remarkable success financially. Success for me is that I have had a comfortable life style and had the financial freedom to do anything my inner guidance directed me to do. None of what I have done has brought me much in terms of income. I spent over 3000 volunteer hours getting my license and made squat all those years. I took off for five years to travel, relocate and raise my daughter. For the last seven years I have facilitated classes and workshops and seen private clients but again the money is quite minimal. Despite all of that, I have incredible financial freedom which some of my friends envy.  I have done almost nothing I did not want to do just to bring in income. During that time I was what I call rich for a few years, rather poor for a few years and comfortable most of the time. I was not very productive in worldly terms. I spent years in silence, barely moving from my hammock. I spent years clearing as many obstacle to Love within myself as I could and barely functioned other than to care for my daughter. The whole time I was what has been called a frequency holder. I held a certain frequency of commitment to Love within myself. For some years I berated myself for my lack of productivity. Now I see my life as ideally suited to my gifts and talents and can actually recognize the energetic contribution to mySelf, others and the world. Most of all I spent the time learning to really love myself, warts and all. And ironically, all my needs are met. Resources appear when I need them. I never understood exactly how it has worked and so I have decided to just continue to trust and not to examine any details of how it functions. It is kind of like the loaves and fishes. My pool of money just grows to meet my needs with no clearly defined explanation. Why ask? Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke.

Now being employed by the Divine has definite perks. The hours are very flexible and the work is fascinating. My boss is the most loving Being you can imagine. There are some challenges with it too. Being one of the prototypes for this new earth, I got dragged through the mud more than many, yet definitely less than some. I had a few really difficult hours, days, even years. I was plagued with extreme anxiety, a short period of serious depression, many years of profound exhaustion, a few hours of wanting to die, one night of wanting to kill myself and a number of bouts with extreme grief, loss, terror, sense of annialation. I experienced two weeks where I thought I was going insane, a few primal breakdowns. While this was occurring my faith did waver sometimes. Yet I had a powerful sense I was a way shower, a path finder and I found extreme value (after I processed my own unworthiness for a few years) in what I was doing. I actually have to be careful as I went from feeling really bad about myself to now sometimes swing the other way and feeling prideful. Must keep myself anchored in the soil of humility. 
Now I am coasting into the really good stuff, the amazing perks of being employed by the Universe. I have experienced a spaciousness that can not be described yet feels like an empty cloud. Doesn’t sound that inviting but let me tell you YUMMY!!! I have known the peace that passes understanding. My sense of love and unity is probably the greatest gift of my life. My experience of faith and trust continues to grow geometrically. My family is beginning to look and feel like my most cherished dreams. I laugh A LOT. Just lately little shoots of joy are beginning to pop through the ground of my life.

What is my point? I know a lot of people right now are feeling very challenged. I mention some of my challenges with the hopes that they may offset yours. Please don’t take the challenges personally. Please realize it is a cleansing process that is eliminating anything toxic in your life, anything that limits you or locks you in fear. It may feel cruel to be thrown into the pool of your own fear yet my experience tells me that is the best way to move beyond it. Know with every cell of your being the journey is worth the price of admission. Know that your journey will most likely be way more graceful than mine. I chose to be in the first wave and chart the territory. That job  came with its own demands. Seeing teachers who had what I wanted gave me the courage to slog through the mud until arriving in the garden. I know my journey is not over and I will guess there is more mud to get through. Yet the sense of peace I have experienced for some time now carries me through all of it. In some ways I am facing potentially one of the greatest challenge ever yet most of the time I am calm and trusting. Know that this is a pearl without price. Beloveds, I realize sometimes the path is steep and there is no light visible. Yet know that the Light never leaves you, know that this is merely a journey of remembering. Actually there is no where to go and nothing to do. Know that you are held and carried, that the Source of all things is accessible within. And if you want to change employers, there is enough to do for anyone who choose to commit. The work is always the same, to teach only love, to demonstrate the insubstantiality of fear. Know that if you choose to join in and extend only love, the rewards of your efforts will be beyond your wildest imaginings. Promise! And, if like me you have a very good imagination, the promise still holds.

all powerful- our vibration is the way we expand or limit ourselves

i might have posted this before yet like it as feels uplifting:


Sunday, October 7, 2012

We send you love

I have had so much fun writing this anonymously. I deliberately obscured my age and my photo. I wanted these message to feel like they could be coming from anyone, from the Universe, from anywhere. For a few months I toyed with the idea of adding my photo for one reason. I wanted you to look into my eyes and know I was sending you Love. A few weeks ago my mentor found out I have no photo of myself on my blog and told me in no uncertain terms to get my photo on there. My inner impulse is that it is now time. At the bottom of the blog are a few photos of me. There are also a few photos of this land. One photo is off my balcony at night, then there is a photo of my driveway and also a photo into the hills taken about a mile from here. They are the top few photos. I wanted you to see the land that is also sending you Love and holding for you, for all of us, for Gaia. The photos of me are random. Soon I will take one where I am consciously holding in Love for all of you and will add it. I still say it is the One that is showering you in Love. In this case, I am just a representative of the One. May you always remember you are lovable, loving and loved, forever!!!!