Tuesday, July 31, 2012

new you

I am just back from my trip. The trip was a dream come true for me, of living the reality of unconditional love moment to moment, regardless of external circumstances. I can not put into words the love and connection I experienced. My heart felt so full and expanded. I was able to choose over and over to release expectations, demands, stories, addictions, control. Who knew the fun on the other side of releasing control? The feeling of love and support, of eternal connection, of home was so delicious. Now I am in a different space and allowing this less delicious energy.
I want to share a poem that begins to describe my experience on my trip. Also below is a 44 minute video of how we may begin to experience ourselves in a very new way. I hope you enjoy both. Know that I carried all of you with me as I travelled and often shared my insights with all of you internally. Kisses.

It Happens All the Time in Heaven
It happens all the time in heaven,
And some day
It will begin to happen
Again on earth,
That men and women who are married,
And men and men who are lovers,
And women and women who give each other Light,
Often will get down on their knees
And while so tenderly
Holding their lover’s hand,
With tears in their eyes,
Will sincerely ask, saying,
“My dear,
How can I be more loving to you;
How can I be more kind?”

- Hafiz


Friday, July 20, 2012

miracles and Malibu


I just got a huge confirmation of how powerful our thoughts are now. I had a huge expense months ago, realized I had been significantly overcharged, went back and forth what to do about it. At the last minute, I stopped payment on part of the bill and decided to stand up and try to resolve it. This is the situation that left me feeling crazy months ago. Well I went back and forth in my mind, give it up, go for it, let it go, stick with it. Yesterday a friend shared with me how she kept a clear vision of success through a long drawn out court case. She stayed focused on a positive outcome and won against great odds. So I got very clear and focused on receiving a refund for whatever amount would be fair for all concerned. I got a call within less than an hour, who then referred me to one of the bosses. I was very clear, honest, friendly and as fair as I knew how to be- end result- I got a huge amount back! And perhaps even more importantly, I realized AGAIN the power of clear intent. So be careful what you focus on- make sure it is on what you want, not what you don't want.

We are off to southern California- Malibu and Ventura so catch you after we catch a few good waves.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

2012- the Year of Love

I just watched a UTube that brought me to tears. I could not get the exact link yet hope this information will get you there.

2012 message nicolya christi UTube

My friend Sunshine embedded it on another site I follow. You can try accessing it there too:


I also highly recommend her book, 2012: A Clarion Call.

For me the energy is definitely heightened and I am finding the need to   s l o w    w a y    d o w n    in order to stay in balance. I can flip from joy and such clarity to terror and contraction in 30 seconds flat so I am finding the need to stay very focused on what I know to be true and not let myself get hooked by past stories or future fears. I know these shifts are for the highest good yet the waves can be large. Stillness and time in nature are highly recommened. I continue to be visited again and again by hummingbirds- harbingers of joy. Beloveds, know that all is well. We are united in Love.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

through the gateway

From what I am reading, we are passing through an important gateway, ready to take flight, living out the promise of all we have prepared for so diligently. For those of us who have laid the foundation, it is time to begin to pull in our passion and purpose, enjoy, play and have fun in our new 5D world. Party! And if you are not yet in that space, have faith and trust that all will be well. Although the initiation may not yet be complete,  we are well on our way to being launched.
 On a personal level, I have had moments of absolute certainty of Love, of Home, of living the life of my dreams. Mini miracles have occurred with profound love and intimacy. Also mini challenges have occurred, where my faith drops through the floor and I remember nothing. I 
must accept and allow all to unfold as it does.

below is a link to and a passage from some words I found helpful- I hope you will too.

We are so delighted at what awaits you here, and for those who are finding it difficult to be birthed through this passage, we implore you to have faith in these words, trust in your divine plan, and the knowing that all is perfect and well.  There is no need to wonder any longer, you are home free now.”  -PHC


Saturday, July 14, 2012

upgrade July 17th- spending time connecting to earth and sun


I understand we have a huge opportunity to embrace more of Who we are and release more of who we are not about to unfold on July 17th over a three day span. I have heard and I sense an excellent way to open to this is to spend time in nature, grounding on the Earth, ideally barefoot and opening our 7th (crown of the head) chakra to the Sun. Happy transformation, my loves. Something has already shifted for me- what a relief!!! Still intending to trust the shifts rather than fight them. I am doing better yet still encounter resistance. Yet I sense the unity unfolding within me ever more deeply.
A special welcome to our new friend in Turkey.

Information on the shift:

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

breakdown, breakthrough, neutrality


I am hearing many people are experiencing great unrest right now, or maybe it is just me seeing through my filter. At the fire circle I attended last night, all but three people were facing major challenges. I understand we are being bombarded with intense solar flares. So how do we get through this gracefully?
To me it is key to deeply grok that these breakdowns are to release all that no longer serves us, to demolish our false personas. I know from very personal expereince that having one's identity demolished is less than comfortable. Yet it is critical. When I am able to release control and sincerely surrender, so much more love and joy blooms in my life. Yet still I resist often, shrieking and clutching to the shore, yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
When I finally am willing (O.K., O.K., often forced) to surrender, to let go and see where the river takes me instead of paddling madly in the direction I am sure is right, mama mia, what beauty can arise. Over the last days several situations have gone exactly as I think are headed for disaster. Yet I have been forced to accept that this is indeed what is happening. I have met an immutable strength that will not bow to my demands. I have experience moments of absolute terror over this loss of (perceived) control. Yet again and again when I dig my fingernails out of whatever ground I have dug them into, holding on desperately, I experience mini miracles. For me the greatest miracle is the ending of my sense of separation and the feeling of unity, of Home, of connection, of Love. How can I describe this feeling tone in words- my heart seems to literally swell as though it could burst with the energy of expansion, I feel light as though I could float. The area around my heart seems to heat up. I look into another's eyes and see myself, see no barriers. The sense of affection is so delightful and I want to hug and kiss all in my path. This is the breakthrough that follows the break down. The breakdown is hanging on desolately to what I think must happen for my life to be safe, for loved ones to be protected. Again and again I have been shown that my ideas limit me and often are directly opposite of what truly is for my benefit. Yet I persist on demanding life go my way. Well, slowly the breakdowns are forcing me, sometimes gently nudging me to move more and more experiences into the neutral category. I learn a lesson, scream and resist, get the baseball bat to the head then let go. The next time the same lesson appear I just mutinously pout NO! Then I just get a slap, The next time I barely complain and then I just get a little pat from the Universe. The I might grudgingly say yes and get a small kiss from the Universe. Finally I say YES and the seeming obstacles always disappears. Let me give one example. Some months ago I lost all my identification and credit cards. I flipped out, ranted and raved. It was a major pain and took quite a while to straighten out. Once I calmed down and replaced everything, I found my case with everything stuck in a glove!  Later I lost them again and became semi hysterical. I rushed home but calmed down more quickly and found them within hours. Recently I misplaced one credit card, didn't give it a thought, looked for over a day with no results, was confident all was well even if it was lost and then found it. At the fourth of July fireworks my camera disappeared, I didn't even get excited at all, even though I love that camera, and sure enough found it without incident. So now for me losing things is a neutral event where before it made me berserk. I have learned that lesson so I  imagine I will stop losing stuff.
So slowly I get the drift. Something came up the other day. I wanted to flip out as inside it felt like a hug inner earthquake but I am not fond of baseball bats. So I sought to believe that really, I had no clue what was best. I intended to turn it over to a force greater than myself. Now this big disappointment is unfolding. I seek to say, well, who knows, maybe it is for the best. I really understand that I basically know nothing and am pretty clueless sometimes when it comes to charting my own course. I am 100% wrong when I come from ego. Of course, more and more I align with my own Knowing and then those choices are always right on, 100% accurate and produce grace and joy. Yet when my stomach clenches and I am sure something is disaster material, I do my best to step back and take my hands off the wheel, knowing ego is trying to steer me. Again and again, I am rewarded with the carrot of joy and magic. So slowly, slowly I am not only willing but truly desiring to surrender, to get off the electric shock method of learning and to move into the grace of neutrality and joy.

A few days later: I was too zonkered to finish this post. I ended up reluctantly yet sincerely surrendering control of the the situation that looked  like a disaster and guess what? the whole situation turned around from one moment to the next and for now at least, all is well. Beloveds, join with me in faith that all will be well as we are catapulted through these smoking energies of transformation.

Monday, July 9, 2012

surrender and upcoming energies

Love this post on surrender:

If you are interested in preparing for upcoming energies, you may want to give this a look: http://www.oraclereport.com/

Friday, July 6, 2012

terror and despair

I know a number of people experiencing great despair and fear right now. I too am feeling very challenged. I read in TCIM that if we do not trust that we will find ourSelves, be sure that we will find our way Hone, we walk alone. This is illusion, a lie. Know that you are not alone. Know that a ton of guidance walks beside us. Know that all will be well, and all will be well and all will be very, very well.

Thursday, July 5, 2012


My powerful surrender yesterday is yielding big results already. A very challenging situation arose last night. I was able to greet it with compassion and understanding rather than immediately grasping to try to control what seemed an insurmountable problem. The situation has not been resolved yet miracles are unfolding in another direction. I have long had a vision of doing a particular project in Guatemala, my daughter's country of orgin. Today she and I gave such clarity to my vision, coming up with a logo, icon, name etc. I have been told my daughter is a visionary and the vision she is spinning, jumping off of my starting inspiration, is truly unique and extraordinary. I see the possibility of somehow linking it to her schooling, perhaps resolving two big challenges at once. I am filled with hope and promise. More importantly perhaps, when I was able to surrender last night, my vision cleared and my empathy, compassion and sense of connection replaced my previous terror and contstriction. I feel my creative juices flowing, all appears alive and potent. What a shift!! This feels truly miraculous after what for me was a truly frightening leap of faith.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

ego, control, terror and surrender- freedom?

Happy fourth of July, my sister/brother Americans. Let's hear it for the vision of freedom our founding fathers envisioned for us.

Let’s see if I an string a few sentences together. Here’s what’s been up for me for over a week- loss of control. Growing up in a chaotic, terrifying home has lead me to be a control freak. I have recognized and worked on healing these old patterns for decades. My experience is that the last remnants of whatever remains unhealed are  surfacing for clearing- oh what joy.
Now I have been given my marching orders and they are to discover the recipe for joy. So my investigation has discovered a lot of what is not joyful long terms- i.e. possessions, co-dependency, control, getting my own way, listening to the voice of fear. Yet over the last week I have had the voice of fear grip me so powerfully it literally affected my breathing and heart rate. A friend was so affected by these energies she had to go to the doctor in the middle of the night to help regain her breath.
Yes, the voice of fear has been very convincing, very cunning. He (sorry guys, feels like a he) has had me by the throat, squeezing my wind pipe, convincing me I’m a goner, presenting me with one of my worst nightmares and croning to me over and over that there is no way out. Well, let me tell you, that does not create pleasant feeling in my body. Several times over the last week I bought the package with the resulting side effects. Feels like my heart is in the garbage chute from Star Wars, about to get compacted, my breath is short and thin. My head feels like an overripe watermelon about to burst and I feel surrounded by an intense feeling of hopelessness and dread.  Am I missing something here- where’s the joy? A family member is playing the role of perpetuator perfectly, pushing all my out of control buttons. And oh what a master this person is. So of course I got out my shotgun of projection and opened fire- freaking out and foaming at the mouth., Unperturbed this person just let me flop and squirm to no avail. So what’s a girl to do. So without much hope I trudged to my Way of Mastery class where I was reminded of the first axiom- we create all our own experiences. Oh, now I get the joy- I did this to myself!! At first sight, this does not seem like good news. But on second glance, this is very empowering. I have to shut down my rage gun of blame and look inside. After a couple of experiences, I got the underlying cause- these situations have re-triggered the out of control terror of my childhood. So even if I could get “other” to change their behavior I would just attract the same energy somewhere else. O.K., now I got it figured out, what next? I was still flipped out- see the bubble above my head that reads “what the f*ck am I suppose to do now. I’ve tried to heal this all my life- what the *&&&^^%$##$%^^&*())*&^%$#@!!#^*())(&^% am I suppose to do now.” Anybody spot the error in this picture? It was little ole me trying to battle the demons single handedly- good luck. Of course my ego/ small self can’t resolve it- it doesn’t want to resolve it. This involves ego transformation and my ego is fighting me tooth and nail, to the end. It does feel like life and death. Yet again and again I turn to my The Course in Miracles and read it is me that has made the situation appear impossible, it is me trapping myself in my own nightmare. The solution- same as always- end the separation within, turn to my higher self who knows exactly what to do, allow this situation to unfold exactly as it is, recognize this is occurring because I asked for it to return me to wholeness, get off the pity pot, recognizing I am clueless and have to surrender to a power great than myself and let go of the most crippling belief of all- I can’t do this- it is too much. I also have to let go of trying and analyzing- hard for one who has always gotten her greatest kuddos for being smart- well in this case trying to be smart is really stupid. In my world the stakes just keep getting higher. I have been told and I can see that I have raised the bar to break down the false identity of myself as in control of this ascension process, this awakening, whatever you want to call it. It is my false spiritual persona directing how this transformation will occur, with her butt cemented to the driver’s seat. Good luck with that. I want my hands on the steering wheel at all times. Time to let go and see where I am taken. Every time I have turned to that Higher voice within, miracles of love and grace unfold. I bet my guides are up there shaking their heads, going “what is it going to take for her to finally get it?”  Lucky they are soooo patient. Wish me courage and godspeed as I jump off the next cliff, having faith that I will fly.

energy of transformation


So we are at choice. These energies are pushing up all that no longer serves us- what will we do about that? If you are like me last week, you will act them out. I was hugging and puffing and yelling at the top of my lungs, trying to regain a sense of control while feeling totally out of control. I experience confusion and fog. I have been shaking in my boots. I have been running my old mantra- I can't handle this anymore, it's toooo much. Well, you can imagine how helpful that is. So I offer three post that shed some light on what's up. It seems lately I have been too fogged to write much myself so I keep offering the words of others who seem to have more clarity. I will try to get a post of my own out as I am having starting realizations and breakthroughs but thins are not comfortable over here for sure. May the energies of these times lift you to the Love that you are!!

As an initiate on the path, you must endeavor to focus on the positive events in your everyday life. There will always be some difficult aspects that arise as you strive for a harmonious State of Being. Your goal is to maintain a state of Divine indifference as you seek a high-frequency resolution in every challenging situation. In other words, you are not to get caught up in the maelstrom of negativity which always radiates from a person or an occurrence powered by lower-frequency vibrations. Non-attachmentmeans that you do not allow the negative energy cords to pierce your spiritual armor and contaminate your auric field.
Lift your hearts and consciousness, beloveds, and know that the future is filled with promise. Through our joint endeavors, we will overcome all adversity. See the Love/Light of Lady Faith's and my Essence surround you. Know that you are never alone, I AM Archangel Michael.
Transmitted through Ronna Herman *
excerpt from this post below:

other post I found helpful:



and this post because lately I feel like I have been living in a nightmare and realize I can choose to see that with the eyes of fear or the eyes of opportunity for healing- one feels wayyyy better than the other: