Beloveds,
I am hearing many people are experiencing great unrest right now, or maybe it is just me seeing through my filter. At the fire circle I attended last night, all but three people were facing major challenges. I understand we are being bombarded with intense solar flares. So how do we get through this gracefully?
To me it is key to deeply grok that these breakdowns are to release all that no longer serves us, to demolish our false personas. I know from very personal expereince that having one's identity demolished is less than comfortable. Yet it is critical. When I am able to release control and sincerely surrender, so much more love and joy blooms in my life. Yet still I resist often, shrieking and clutching to the shore, yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
When I finally am willing (O.K., O.K., often forced) to surrender, to let go and see where the river takes me instead of paddling madly in the direction I am sure is right, mama mia, what beauty can arise. Over the last days several situations have gone exactly as I think are headed for disaster. Yet I have been forced to accept that this is indeed what is happening. I have met an immutable strength that will not bow to my demands. I have experience moments of absolute terror over this loss of (perceived) control. Yet again and again when I dig my fingernails out of whatever ground I have dug them into, holding on desperately, I experience mini miracles. For me the greatest miracle is the ending of my sense of separation and the feeling of unity, of Home, of connection, of Love. How can I describe this feeling tone in words- my heart seems to literally swell as though it could burst with the energy of expansion, I feel light as though I could float. The area around my heart seems to heat up. I look into another's eyes and see myself, see no barriers. The sense of affection is so delightful and I want to hug and kiss all in my path. This is the breakthrough that follows the break down. The breakdown is hanging on desolately to what I think must happen for my life to be safe, for loved ones to be protected. Again and again I have been shown that my ideas limit me and often are directly opposite of what truly is for my benefit. Yet I persist on demanding life go my way. Well, slowly the breakdowns are forcing me, sometimes gently nudging me to move more and more experiences into the neutral category. I learn a lesson, scream and resist, get the baseball bat to the head then let go. The next time the same lesson appear I just mutinously pout NO! Then I just get a slap, The next time I barely complain and then I just get a little pat from the Universe. The I might grudgingly say yes and get a small kiss from the Universe. Finally I say YES and the seeming obstacles always disappears. Let me give one example. Some months ago I lost all my identification and credit cards. I flipped out, ranted and raved. It was a major pain and took quite a while to straighten out. Once I calmed down and replaced everything, I found my case with everything stuck in a glove! Later I lost them again and became semi hysterical. I rushed home but calmed down more quickly and found them within hours. Recently I misplaced one credit card, didn't give it a thought, looked for over a day with no results, was confident all was well even if it was lost and then found it. At the fourth of July fireworks my camera disappeared, I didn't even get excited at all, even though I love that camera, and sure enough found it without incident. So now for me losing things is a neutral event where before it made me berserk. I have learned that lesson so I imagine I will stop losing stuff.
So slowly I get the drift. Something came up the other day. I wanted to flip out as inside it felt like a hug inner earthquake but I am not fond of baseball bats. So I sought to believe that really, I had no clue what was best. I intended to turn it over to a force greater than myself. Now this big disappointment is unfolding. I seek to say, well, who knows, maybe it is for the best. I really understand that I basically know nothing and am pretty clueless sometimes when it comes to charting my own course. I am 100% wrong when I come from ego. Of course, more and more I align with my own Knowing and then those choices are always right on, 100% accurate and produce grace and joy. Yet when my stomach clenches and I am sure something is disaster material, I do my best to step back and take my hands off the wheel, knowing ego is trying to steer me. Again and again, I am rewarded with the carrot of joy and magic. So slowly, slowly I am not only willing but truly desiring to surrender, to get off the electric shock method of learning and to move into the grace of neutrality and joy.
A few days later: I was too zonkered to finish this post. I ended up reluctantly yet sincerely surrendering control of the the situation that looked like a disaster and guess what? the whole situation turned around from one moment to the next and for now at least, all is well. Beloveds, join with me in faith that all will be well as we are catapulted through these smoking energies of transformation.
I am hearing many people are experiencing great unrest right now, or maybe it is just me seeing through my filter. At the fire circle I attended last night, all but three people were facing major challenges. I understand we are being bombarded with intense solar flares. So how do we get through this gracefully?
To me it is key to deeply grok that these breakdowns are to release all that no longer serves us, to demolish our false personas. I know from very personal expereince that having one's identity demolished is less than comfortable. Yet it is critical. When I am able to release control and sincerely surrender, so much more love and joy blooms in my life. Yet still I resist often, shrieking and clutching to the shore, yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
When I finally am willing (O.K., O.K., often forced) to surrender, to let go and see where the river takes me instead of paddling madly in the direction I am sure is right, mama mia, what beauty can arise. Over the last days several situations have gone exactly as I think are headed for disaster. Yet I have been forced to accept that this is indeed what is happening. I have met an immutable strength that will not bow to my demands. I have experience moments of absolute terror over this loss of (perceived) control. Yet again and again when I dig my fingernails out of whatever ground I have dug them into, holding on desperately, I experience mini miracles. For me the greatest miracle is the ending of my sense of separation and the feeling of unity, of Home, of connection, of Love. How can I describe this feeling tone in words- my heart seems to literally swell as though it could burst with the energy of expansion, I feel light as though I could float. The area around my heart seems to heat up. I look into another's eyes and see myself, see no barriers. The sense of affection is so delightful and I want to hug and kiss all in my path. This is the breakthrough that follows the break down. The breakdown is hanging on desolately to what I think must happen for my life to be safe, for loved ones to be protected. Again and again I have been shown that my ideas limit me and often are directly opposite of what truly is for my benefit. Yet I persist on demanding life go my way. Well, slowly the breakdowns are forcing me, sometimes gently nudging me to move more and more experiences into the neutral category. I learn a lesson, scream and resist, get the baseball bat to the head then let go. The next time the same lesson appear I just mutinously pout NO! Then I just get a slap, The next time I barely complain and then I just get a little pat from the Universe. The I might grudgingly say yes and get a small kiss from the Universe. Finally I say YES and the seeming obstacles always disappears. Let me give one example. Some months ago I lost all my identification and credit cards. I flipped out, ranted and raved. It was a major pain and took quite a while to straighten out. Once I calmed down and replaced everything, I found my case with everything stuck in a glove! Later I lost them again and became semi hysterical. I rushed home but calmed down more quickly and found them within hours. Recently I misplaced one credit card, didn't give it a thought, looked for over a day with no results, was confident all was well even if it was lost and then found it. At the fourth of July fireworks my camera disappeared, I didn't even get excited at all, even though I love that camera, and sure enough found it without incident. So now for me losing things is a neutral event where before it made me berserk. I have learned that lesson so I imagine I will stop losing stuff.
So slowly I get the drift. Something came up the other day. I wanted to flip out as inside it felt like a hug inner earthquake but I am not fond of baseball bats. So I sought to believe that really, I had no clue what was best. I intended to turn it over to a force greater than myself. Now this big disappointment is unfolding. I seek to say, well, who knows, maybe it is for the best. I really understand that I basically know nothing and am pretty clueless sometimes when it comes to charting my own course. I am 100% wrong when I come from ego. Of course, more and more I align with my own Knowing and then those choices are always right on, 100% accurate and produce grace and joy. Yet when my stomach clenches and I am sure something is disaster material, I do my best to step back and take my hands off the wheel, knowing ego is trying to steer me. Again and again, I am rewarded with the carrot of joy and magic. So slowly, slowly I am not only willing but truly desiring to surrender, to get off the electric shock method of learning and to move into the grace of neutrality and joy.
A few days later: I was too zonkered to finish this post. I ended up reluctantly yet sincerely surrendering control of the the situation that looked like a disaster and guess what? the whole situation turned around from one moment to the next and for now at least, all is well. Beloveds, join with me in faith that all will be well as we are catapulted through these smoking energies of transformation.
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