Friday, January 20, 2012

intrinsic worth and differences; creating appropriate education for ALL children

My name is Ciela, I am eleven years old and I have learning differences. That might not sound like a big deal, but for me it is a learning hell. Most kids do not have learning differences but those of us who do  most likely do not want to go to school. Because of this, they are hard children to raise. 
School can be fun but most of the time kids who have learning differences do not understand what the teacher is saying, at least most of the time. I personally feel that it would take an entire day for my teacher to teach me about multiplying big numbers in my head without a piece of paper. This is very frustrating. Different kids will feel different things but me, I feel very angry and disappointed in myself. That of course is not the right way to deal with the situation. I probably should take this calmly and think about it before I start saying I am in a living hell. But hey, that’s how it feels. When I get upset and frustrated I usually feel like I am getting sick to my stomach. How can I put this nicely- I feel like I’m going to puke! I start tapping my foot on the ground or fiddle with my hair. When I can’t understand something that my teacher is teaching, let’s say he was teaching about fractions, and I did not understand what he was saying, I am kind of frustrated and mostly blame myself for being not as smart as the other kids. But sometimes I wish I could go into the head of the smartest girl in the class. But that is not possible so I just think what she might think and just pray that it will be O.K. Am I boring you to death with all that I am saying? Can you imagine feeling so alone.? Close your eyes now and think of a child that can’t read, well at least not very much, or do very much math. Imagine being that child and how hard it could be. Be grateful that you do not have a learning difference. But if you do, and are reading what I am saying, you’ll understand exactly what I mean and you’ll know that sometimes you just want to go to Alcatraz and cut a little bit out of you and swim and let the great whites eat you. Or jump off of the Golden Gate bridge on fire. (I got that idea and really considered it for a while because my godmother was a stunt lady for a long time and she actually did it.) But I have never known somebody to actually get eaten by great whites. Please, don’t try to imagine it. 
A lot of the kids who have learning differences do not like doing homework. It is like the horror, the horror. But the kids who do not have learning differences go O.K. time to do the homework. They don’t have such a hard time. But for us, it is dang hard. I feel a lot of anger and frustration when I try to do my homework. Sometimes I just want to tear my homework up and flush it down the toilet but then I probably would be grounded for a least a couple days. Never tear up your homework, it is not a good idea. Otherwise your teacher will probably make you redo it at school which I can tell you is not fun. 
Doing homework is not fun but try  doing it with a pet -a cat, a dog, rat, fish, bunny an animal can understand. If you do not think they can understand you are wrong. They do. They are just like us.
At home I feel like I’m in a box of angels. At school I feel like a box of little devils. My Mom says I could change schools but I really want to stay with my friends. I wish that there was NO homework at all but that is not how our school works. I wish that  my teacher taught in a way that I was the one who could understand and the other kids couldn’t. I wish that we had more arts and crafts and games; only fun things. I really like my teacher, it’s not his fault. I just learn differently.

The words above were dictated to me by my daughter about living with learning differences. The experience of living with a child with learning differences has been one of the most difficult yet awakening of my life. I have been forced to examine some of my deepest assumptions, question my core beliefs and explore my values. My family believed education was life’s greatest value and gift. This has lead me to go toe to toe with my daughter, trying to use pressure and force to make her conform and do her homework. I began to destroy my relationship with her. We have had huge and devastating arguments. I tried to force her to be someone she is not, to do things she could not do because of my belief about what a good education is. Despite being a therapist and healer for almost two decades, I was partly oblivious to her legitimate confusion and despair. I pushed and pushed until our home  was becoming a battle ground. Until we reached the breaking point. Despite huge consequences from her father and a screaming fit from me, she did not do her homework. Instead she tore up what she had done and threw it in to the yard. I blew a gasket and was literally shrieking. She ran off. Well, I finally woke up to my daughter’s profound frustration. Everyone she loved was yelling at her to do what she often was incapable of doing. How could I have been so blind? She has been tested and diagnosed, given numerous treatments and tutors yet I still was clueless when it came to her inner experience. She loves many aspects of school yet her experience is clouded by her continual frustration and sense of inadequacy. Can you imagine my grief and regret when I realized I was turning her home into a “box of devils” (her words for her school experience?). I have spent the last two days grieving and marshaling resources to support my daughter.
Support is pouring in and many friends are sharing their catastrophic experiences with learning differences a generation ago. All of them still feel intensely scarred by school. What many of them expressed is that their education taught them that they were defective, different and inadequate. A dear friend in her 50’s considers it the defining experience of her life, leading to a self identity as limited and inadequate. I was horrified to hear their experiences. A friend in her 60’s was labeled retarded. Since then she got her nursing degree. A friend’s brother considered himself a failure and loser, feeling absolutely isolated. He is now a multimillionaire after discovering his own talent and area of genius.
As I began doing research I realized how under served these children are by the education system already being strangled by budget cuts. Einstein says a problem can never be solved at the same level of thought from which it originated. It is clear our world is in enormous chaos and challenge. By not meeting the needs of these children, a valuable resource is being lost. These children are generally more emotionally intelligent, present, intuitive, creative and empathic. These aspects of their being get minimal  recognition or acknowledgment in school. Our education system rarely match these children’s skill sets. Fortunately my daughter is in a Waldorf based school and many of her deepest soul needs are met. Her school provides a very rich educational experiences for the whole child with subjects such as cooking, woodwork, gardening etc. Her teacher Erik Bell is a very committed, dedicated man who is devoted to the children. Yet this bias towards math and reading is fundamental to the system.  I had to wake up to the fact that I had bought the belief that a good education is critical to success and thus inadvertently passed on that mind set to my daughter and strengthened her self rejection. Clearly, I wish her to be able to read and understand math yet to do so while giving equal value to her own gifts. I do not know what the answer is, I only want us to come together as a culture and look at the question, acknowledge how a how segment of our children are being marginalize, learning not to value their own inherent worth and gifts. I hear so many stories of families being torn apart by these conflicts. I share my daughter’s story in the hope of bringing awareness to this challenge in our education system. My heartfelt desire is that together we can have the conversation that will lead to long term solutions. My hope is to begin to  create schools that incorporates these children’s enormous gifts and talents, providing an education where they feel supported, acknowledged and understood so that they retain the awareness of their innate self worth while also supporting the other students with strong academic abilities and talents. If this situation is of concern to you or you would like to join me in brainstorming solutions, as her teacher and I have done, please email me at 
With enormous hope, savannah
I want to paraphrase the words of Eckhart Tolle in an interview with Oprah about this situation. I have also given the link to the interview:
It is fine to acknowledge children for achievement. Yet it is critical we do not equate achievement/ability with worthiness, it has nothing to do with intrinsic worth. 
If others without those abilities get the impression they are less worthy because they are not successful in those areas that are valued by the education system, this can be very harmful. The teacher must know that the other children have other abilities that are not as recognized by the current education system.
It is critical for the teacher to give equal attention and acknowledgment for those children who do not stand out as achievers, appreciating their intrinsic worth as humans, recognizing you don’t know what is in there, recognizing that every human has gifts and intrinsic value, and to always show appreciation of the intrinsic worth of every child, regardless of academic abilities.
Otherwise the child exerts pressure on themselves, and believes they are not valuable. This has led to high suicides rates, especially in countries such as China, Japan and Korea where education is particularly valued.- Eckhart Tolle

This blog is primarily about learning differences yet so many of us have been marginalized by other differences, of gender, sexual preference, race, economics and so on. My greatest desire is that we all remember to appreciate and acknowledge each human being for the precious gift s/he is- each of us is a masterpiece that never existed before and will never come again. Can you imagine what our world will be like when we can all remember this at the core level?

I want to add another link to the challenge of having a single story about anyone or anything:

Monday, January 16, 2012

this is what i need

I am totally in love with this quote for some reason so have to share it:

"Whatever the hell happens, say this is what I need. It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity. If you bring love to that moment, not discouragement, you will find the strength there. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes." 

- Joseph Campbell, the Follow Your Bliss Man 

Love and the fifth dimension

The train has left the station and we are on our way to the fifth dimension. This is an exciting and monumental journey, definitely not for the faint of heart yet success is guarantee. While I have been familiar with these concepts for some time, I just began to get how this information is new to many people. I heard from a relative and a good friend who were just beginning to receive information about these topics. So I am listing some articles or blogs that delineate what the different levels or dimensions are and how to navigate them. By now, most of us are aware something is up. Perhaps this will help you understand what. Take a look. 
My understanding is we need not be concerned. If you intend it, success is guaranteed even at the last second. I found this article very reassuring and copied some parts of it here. I hope it gives you the same feeling of comfort and joy as it did me. Blessings, Beloveds, on the certainty of living in love!!!
When the tidal wave of love comes on Ascension Day, we have only to lift ourselves up with it, Archangel Michael tells us.
“In that moment, what we are calling a moment, there is a choice. Do you want — and it can happen instantaneously, because so many of you have laid the foundation — do you want to be in the heart of one of love? Do you wish to be in the higher frequency? In the very last second, all they need to say is yes, and allow themselves to be flooded by what you can think of as a tidal wave of energy that will sweep the planet. That is why we say all are invited.” (15)
SaLuSa says something very similar.
“We can … say with absolute certainty that regardless of the obstacles placed in our way the tasks will be totally fulfilled. You are on the crest of a wave of Light that shall propel you onto the path of Ascension for once and for all. Be prepared and lift yourselves into the Light and Love forever.” (16)
Ascension, light, love are open and available to everyone, he tells us.
“The beauty of the Light is available to everyone and as always it remains your choice whether to accept it or not. Now perhaps you can see how the path of Ascension draws you away from the lower vibration.” (17)
Is the Company of Light neutral in the matter? Decidedly not, the galactics say.
Diane of Sirius: “Everyone rejoices when a single soul reaches up and achieves an evolutionary goal that takes one out of duality.” (18)
SaLuSa: “Know that our Love and Light accompanies you all of the way, and your victory shall also be ours.” (19)
We are wearing the veil. All is changing around us. Therefore, our judgment is clouded, SaLuSa tells us, and we may not be the best judge of the matter of our own Ascension.
“In the midst of the changes your perception is clouded, and events moving in a linear time line are quite different to ours. We see you as you might say, home and dried, and this is why we can be so positive about the outcome of this present period.” (20)
According to SaLuSa, “you chose to be here to … be part of the final chapter in the cycle of duality. Many, many souls sought such an opportunity, but your presence means that you were more suited to the occasion and brought with you a wealth of experience.” (21)  St. Germain tells us that “many find that hard to accept but that is because they have little or no recollection of having made that decision.” (22)
We wouldn’t be here as Lightworkers in this most important of lifetimes and conscious of Ascension if we were not meant to ascend, Kuthumi tells us.
“Beloved ones, you have earned entry into this realm within the Kingdoms of Heaven. This is the last phase of the cycle. Not too long ago I said it is like running the final hundred metres. Give it all you have and do not for a moment doubt that you deserve anything less than the absolute best.” (23)
This does not have to be hard, Archangel Michael tells us.
“Beloved Lightworkers, you have come a long way and you have worked hard. Now is the time to enjoy the rewards of your work over many lifetimes. Now is the time to allow the Abundance, Peace, Love and Joy into your lives. Now is the time to embrace the Flow of Divine Blessings with Gratitude and Grace. For the long struggle is over and you begin now to manifest with Ease and Joy in the Golden Light of Abundance.” (24)

I also watched a video by Dolores Cannon in which she said we must do two thing to reach the new earth, the fifth dimension. We must release karma through forgiveness and release fear. Here is the video link.

May we shift with ease and grace into our destiny, our resurrection into a new earth.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

the camel, the lion, the child

I’ve been chewing on something for quite awhile without resolution. A friend suggested I allow myself to just be the space for the discomfort yet my mind keeps analyzing which I know comes from ego. Yet, it is still niggling so I am going to give it a whirl. Someone commented here that my blog is like her journal writings. Quite a compliment. My intent is to offer my musing with two purposes, to share what I have learned and hopefully expedite someone else’s release into unconditional love and out of suffering and to share our unity, our connection our common humanity. Dig a little deeper, and I think inside we are all more or less the same regarding our deepest desires and hurts.
So I have been exploring a theme and still feel I am missing a piece of the puzzle. It is about withdrawal, extension, saying no and saying yes. I realize for me it is a paradox with no simple solution. In simple terms, when I withdraw from life, say no to whatever doesn’t feel good I am able to reach peace and neutrality. All it takes is that I remain in silence on my sacred land and seldom interact with others- peace. My internal demons are mostly conquered. It is the demons that come up in reaction to others that still plague me. 
So just now, someone was blaming me for losing something I never touched- big reaction. So then I tend to make myself wrong for my reaction, for not being an angel, for being pissed off. Doesn’t get me anywhere. In this case the other person backed off and we both returned to a more companionable energy. Seems like I’d be in great shape if everybody would just leave me alone. And I have needed more or less years of solitude to conquer my inner demons. The first 27 or so years of my life I was wild, free, sad, devastated, alive. I experimented with everything. Then I spent the time of the next Saturn return immersed in two long term relationships. I lost myself in them in so many ways. Yet I learned to say no, to stand up for my own needs, to take care of myself. This was super hard for me even with people who really drained my energy. Now it is automatic and relatively effortless yet I still don’t feel complete.
I recognize I feel most mySelf when I am extending myself in love. Not waiting to get it from someone else, not needing anything, extending love from my own fullness, feeling unity with all I meet, recognizing my connection with others and responding in the moment, then moving on to the next experience without thought. This is where I am now. One step forward, two back. I get caught in neediness, in rejection, in withdrawal, in anger, in self judgment. My biggest challenge right now is accepting this is where I am. I am not unconditionally loving, I am not often “good.” Being good had been the monkey on my back most of my life- coming from being raised Catholic, TRYING to be spiritual, sensing the Truth without fulling embodying it. I make myself wrong for still being human. Time to jettison that one. I will be human for as long as I live so I better get used to it. Yet I have heard it said, I think quoted by the poet David Whyte: “Why are you so unhappy, why are you so unhappy? Because 99.999% of everything you say and everything you do is about yourself... And there isn’t one.” I remember reading in Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance the need to extend ourselves to experience wholeness. In our own timing, with whom and when to extend love is our choice. Yet I know that it is only in unconditional love that I fully find that which I AM. Author Rachael Naomi Remen said, “One moment of unconditional love may call into question a lifetime of feeling unworthy and invalidate it.” Yes, I feel this when I either give or receive such love. Yet what happens when the love I give or receive is conditional, as is so often the case? The thing I am learning is the only response that is genuine is to allow it to break my heart open. I feel this so often and the difference is that I want to allow it ever more deeply, ever more completely. Only this, breaking open. Thich Nhat Hahn says, “When you say something like (I love you)... With your whole being not just your mouth or your intellect, it can transform the world.” Tara Brach said, “When we pay careful attention, we see every person as an expression of the love and goodness we cherish. Then every being becomes the  Beloved.” And a quote from her book she attributes to Anonymous, 
“I sought my god, 
My god I could not see
I sought my soul. 
My soul eluded me,
 I sought my brother,
And found all three”
I pulled a card from my Osho “Zen Tarot” deck today called Rebirth. It talks about three levels of consciousness as described by Friedrich Nietzsche in Thus Spake  Zarathustra: the camel, the lion, the child. The camel is sleepy and lives in delusion, thinking himself high up yet really losing most of his energy to the opinions of others. The lion learns to say no to what others demand of us when we realize how much we have been missing in life. I know my wasband went through this dramatically and that sure helped me wake up too. I have also been living in this space of honoring my own truth, moving away from the crowd- most of my life- alone and proud. The last phase is the child, not rebellious or in agreement, rather true to him/herself, innocent and spontaneous. This is what I am slowly emerging into- not reactive, not needing to explain, not needing to withdraw. Able to enter the fray without reacting. Able to be in previously challenging situations with no charge coming up in my body. To feel a deep sense of love arising and moving from that place.This for me is true liberation. This for me is where I feel most myself. Now to allow myself to have a foot in both lion and child with occasional moments of camel thrown in, without judgment, without guilt- ah, this is true freedom! To know unconditional love is all that matters to me and yet to truly forgive myself and others when we invariably fall short. To be able to celebrate and dance unity even when in error, aye, this is good!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Intentions and power words 2012

I turned my power words for 2012 into a little mantra:
limitless power dancing unity

Here is part of my intentions for 2012 as an example of the way I formulate my deepest desires in case you wish to write your intentions down for the year. I'll seal them in an envelope and open them December 31, 2012.

...My message of unconditional love is reaching hundreds of thousands and is so delightfully received. My book and other projects unfolded with such grace.My energy is superb- I feel peaceful and so alive. My life is a miracle every day and is beyond my wildest dreams!!!! I continue to build community and am deeply touched by the love and support I receive from my beloved. my friends, my daughter, my world as I extend that support too. I feel balanced, light, energized, radiantly healthy, abundant, joyful and dancing with so much LOVE!!
This or something better for the highest good of all concerned.

Friday, January 6, 2012

red tent

I am doing a rediness ceremony (precursor to a red tent ceremony for girls who have begun or are about to begin their cycles) this weekend in Lake Tahoe with my daughter, all the girls from her class, their moms and one grandma. It feels really important to me and part of the healing of the planet that we begin again to honor the sacred feminine, the vessel capable of creating new life. I would very much appreciate it if you would send good energy to all of us this weekend as we honor this sacred rite of passage. Thanks savannah 

Thursday, January 5, 2012

you o.k. you fine you fine you fine

This is just the most reassuring thing I have ever seen- thanks to Mouse for bring it to my awareness. It bring me such joy and hope. Give it a peek.

liberation, the body, embracing, teachers

I woke up this morning crystal clear. Apparently what felt like a half baked surrender is already working. Here's what I got: For the last year or so I have worked on my physical reactions to emotional states. I recognized this is where the rubber hits the road (American slang for taking action) to free myself. I had to FULLY allow whatever came up in my body to be free of it. Now I wish I could promise you that you only have to dive into it once to be free. Yet my experience is that the deeper the charge, the more entrenched the pattern, the more times I have to plunge into the feeling tone of it. Now this is so counter-intuitive that it takes real courage to do it. I know it is like I am telling you- look out- you're on fire- here's how you can do to put out the fire- run straight into it-WHAT?!?!?@##%#$^%&^&**(* *&&^%$@! Yes, that's it- run straight into the fire to put it out. Well I have allowed myself that depth for many years now and for the last few I even stopped resisting but could dive into the deepest agony without flinching EXCEPT... not when it is a purely physical experience. I have trained myself to do it when it is a physical reaction to an emotion yet if it is a physical experience that seems to arise out of no emotion, arise more or less spontaneously (perhaps planetary wide frequency shift or whatever) then I freak out and RESIST with all my strength. Now my guides had assured me the energy would shift for me in 2012. So when I felt overwhelmed again yesterday I wanted to throw in the towel. I mean come on! But then I got it as I woke up- I am not following my own advice with this one- I am resisting rather than embracing. I must turn in to even this, allow it fully, totally embrace it when it appears strongly in my body. Then of course I have to do a clean up job, shifting my beliefs. One belief I had was- this will never end. another- I can't handle this etc. So clean those up. Finally then a twinge of discomfort comes, I can shift my vibration consciously to peace, joy whatever, as Abraham and others suggest. For me it is a dance, an art to know when to pull out what tool from my tool bag.
Now the miracle is that when we do this, it WORKS! Many of us are suffering so much that we are highly motivated to shift- this works. I had about six things happen yesterday that would have flipped me out even six months ago and now they just floated right past me. Here's the beauty, the miracle- I had NO BODY RESPONSE to the trigger, my body remained peaceful! Now for me this is worth working toward. I mean some really unpleasant stuff where I had zero reaction. So guess what, the triggers passed quickly and I imagine in future won't even arise in my world. Now this is liberation.
I am going to re quote my blog about responding to anger because this is what woke me up with a huge ahha moment.

 the FIRST step when you find yourself before such (difficult) energies, is to remember WHY they are dong what they are doing. A simple rule of ALL expressions is this: 'What is not Love IS Fear, and nothing else.'
The one before you is literally screaming in Fear, and is crying out for its opposite: Love.
A major shift in our journey occurs when we come to recognize that our OWN fear-based ego meets such expressions with the following: a physical contraction and thus loss of breath, along with a 'bracing' of the muscles. Immediately, the mind JUDGES, for it perceives itself being attacked. It then moves to DEFEND via any number of strategies, 
including doing the same things!

I highly recommend rereading that blog on anger (post on 1/2/12) as many times as you can. This is a beautiful explanation of how to free yourself. And don't worry bout how long it took me, the energies are moving much faster now so all of you may be able to breeze through this much more quickly than I did.
I have been so blessed with so many gifts; the gift of time, of financial freedom and of fabulous teachers. It is my great purpose and passion to share my blessings with the world, to honor my gifts by extending them, hence this blog. I wish to honor my three amazing teachers here:
Mary Hulnick who loved me enough to help me begin to remember how to love myself
Luis Diaz who taught me how to dive into my pain and shift my beliefs
and Karl Kempler who is teaching me to trust and turn to Universal energies, to surrender to a Higher energy that KNOWS how to heal whatever arises. His partner Jan beautifully brings in the more feminine energies to the teaching. I extend my external gratitude and honor each of you by sharing everything I have learned. Blessings.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

surrender- releasing overwhelm and abandonment

I am diving into my exploration of the personal lie or core negative belief. Something is dragging me down and I don’t like it- in a single word it is overwhelm- I am easily overwhelmed. It used to be what I called anxiety but now the more exact word is overwhelm. I have trouble making plans because the plans might overwhelm me when the time comes or I might be in a bad energy that day. Now I know I am not alone in this- a lot of people I know have this. But I am ready to say bye bye.
So what is underneath of it? I thought I’d reached the bottom but more muck is down there. I have worked with not being good enough for seemingly eons but another layer is raising it’s ugly head for exploration. The main area in which I consider myself not good enough is as a parent. Now mind you I don’t know any parents I consider good enough so I have set myself up to fail. For me us fragile, flawed humans are just not up to the job of raising those little balls of unconditional love called infants. Real cute- I get it or should I say it gets me. I have my hand around my own throat and won’t let the pressure off. So I get caught in a viscous circle- the judgment overwhelms me and then of course my parenting goes out the window and I just want to hide under the covers and only stick my head out for a cappuccino or to lay in my hammock. When you are overwhelmed- no need to be productive. O.K, there are some perks. But it’s getting real old. Now let’s throw more on the bonfire. What I witnessed myself do recently was extra adorable and made me wake up a smidgeon more. I experienced intense feelings of abandonment. I first tried to resolve it at the level of form so I got my blowtorch out and started incinerating anybody I could point my finger at. Now turns out this is one of my favorite blame games called “I feel abandoned, you should treat me differently.” Unfortunately I can’t get anyone to play with me anymore and it is definitely a two person game. So I’m stuck and had to look at the four fingers pointing back at me instead of my osculating pointer finger. Opps. So what did I discover? I discovered the person who has abandoned me all my life when the sh*t hits the fan- moi. (I hope that’s French for me) If you don’t love me, I won’t love myself. Or more accurately, I have drawn this situation to me because there is still a way in which I don’t love myself but rather depend on others to prove to myself that I am lovable-
 ouch!  OUCH  OUCH! OUCH!
And why don’t I love myself- because I’m not good enough- the circle is complete. So what’s a girl to do because basking in chocolate while lamenting “Whoa is me!” is getting old. So I pulled the Osho Tarot cards today- commercial plug for those cards- I love them. I got Let Go, Receptivity and New Vision. I also heard two UTUbe’s from Abraham, two from Byron Katie and the New Year UTube I had recommended:
Cutting Edge Consciousness:
Byron Katie:
Hopefully these links will jump you there.
With all that input something popped into my little noggin- I am way off track with my analysis and logical brain. Yes, I know that is not where the answer lies. I know it lies in my heart. Yes I get my head is lying to me. It keeps telling me to be better, better, more good gooder GOODER ad nausea-um.  O.k. This concept is so new I can barely grasp it yet here is what I got a glimmer of. To reach unconditional love, to reach our own Divinity does NOT align with my Catholic training of no longer sinning, making no errors- Au contra-ire  (My French attempt again- I have been taking myself  WAYYYYYYY too seriously.) The answer lies with accepting and allowing and surrendering to the whole bloody mess! Now does that sound like a revelation to you- for my twisted mind it sure does- what? Relax, allow, do nothing as Way of Mastery instructs- what- you gotta  be kidding me. “Feel good” as Abraham is known to say. SO easy! Man, have I been barking up the wrong tree. So I am attempting a 180 degree reversal and see if I can genuinely surrender the whole shebang. Please don’t ask me what surrender is ‘cause for me that is one of the most difficult concepts to convey. The one thing I can say is you know it when you feel it because true surrender is always met with incredible grace followed by ease and peace. A toast for the new year to surrender!!
P.S. Anybody got any clues for me, feel free to chime in!
Welcome new friend from Austria. I thought you were my best friend checking in but she swears it’s not her. I am sooooo curious about all of you. Hugs 

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

role New Zealand plays

New Zealand this is for you- the information is super out there yet my intuition told me to share it especially with you and with anyone else interested. Seems you are sitting in a very powerful energy of transformation- can you feel it? Here is the link for the VERY long and rather bizarre but interesting blog- be forewarned, it's really out in left field:

To help facilitate this facet of the Divine Plan the Company of Heaven asked us to take a group of Lightworkers to New Zealand. The reason we were asked to travel to New Zealand is because of the critical role that sacred land is playing in Earth’s Ascension process. Pulsating within the Etheric Realms above New Zealand is a complex of Temples that serve as the Elemental Training Center for all of the Elemental Beings serving the Earth. These are the Beings who cocreate and sustain the physical substance that comprises the physical, etheric, mental, and emotional bodies of Mother Earth and Humanity. The Elohim and the Directors of the Elements are presently training 5th-Dimensional Elemental Beings who will reinforce the battered and abused Elemental Beings serving the Earth at this time. The 5th-Dimensional Elementals will assist in cocreating the patterns of perfection for the New Earth.
Another reason New Zealand is playing such an important role in Earth’s Ascension process is that she receives the first impulse of Light for every new day on the planet. This meant that the first frequencies of 11:11:11 would enter the planet through New Zealand and then spread around the globe in a wave of resplendent Light.
The Beings of Light revealed that the North and South Islands of New Zealand serve as the Hands of Mother Earth. We receive and transmit energy through our hands, and every acupuncture meridian associated with our Chakra system is represented within the acupuncture pressure points in our hands. The Light flowing through our Chakras and acupuncture meridians is from our Father-Mother God. It is our Lifeforce, and it nourishes and sustains every cell, gland, muscle, organ, and function of our physical body. This is our Gift of Life that allows us to live, move, think, and breathe in the physical plane.
When we receive Light through our hands it is transmitted through every acupuncture meridian to help unblock the areas in our body that are having trouble receiving and assimilating the electronic Light substance from our Father-Mother God. The Hands of Mother Earth likewise receive and transmit Light through her Crystal Grid System to help unblock the areas in her body that are having trouble assimilating the Light of God.

Monday, January 2, 2012

responding to anger- Way of Mastery

I just found an incredible post that explores anger from the point of view of Way of Mastery.This way is certainly not easy, yet I have found it leads to true freedom, peace and joy. See what you think. It is a blog from Jayme- here is the link:

Hello Everyone,
Susan asked Jayem a question, and we felt his response was something everyone would benefit from hearing, as it is a 
universal energy, so we have chosen to share his response here with you all...
Question: What is the best way to respond or not respond to other people's anger, insults, bullying, angst, and sarcastic 
remarks and attitudes?

Hello, Susan, and thank you for asking a question that is one we all share in this world Jeshua reminds us was made in order to PROVE we are separate from God, we are alone, and that Fear is necessary.
I've written that statement purposely to expose WHY anyone expresses anger, insult, bullying, angst, and sarcastic remarks and attitudes!
Thus, the FIRST step when you find yourself before such energies, is to remember WHY they are dong what they are doing. A simple rule of ALL expressions is this: 'What is not Love IS Fear, and nothing else.'
The one before you is literally screaming in Fear, and is crying out for its opposite: Love.
A major shift in our journey occurs when we come to recognize that our OWN fear-based ego meets such expressions with the following: a physical contraction and thus loss of breath, along with a 'bracing' of the muscles. Immediately, the mind JUDGES, for it perceives itself being attacked. It then moves to DEFEND via any number of strategies, including doing the same things!
Ego will believe it is misunderstood, does not deserve this, and perhaps the most cunning, something Jeshua once replied to me when I was complaining about such things: "Beware the great temptation to perceive yourself unfairly treated." WHAT!!!!!???? It was so 'obvious' that I WAS being mistreated!
However, this is NEVER TRUE. Nothing arises by accident, whatsoever, and ALL moments can serve our healing, growth, and awakening IF our commitment is not to defense and 'being right about what is wrong with others', but are devoted to
a) Growth of our own capacity to 'be in the world but not of it', AND to realizing our Essence as Love itself by BEING the presence (and intelligence) of Love in the moment.
The GOAL of all moments is this: PRESENCE. Presence requires that we cultivate a few basic steps, first.
1. Turn TOWARD the fearful one crying out for love, and immediately 'make your home in your breathing', down into the belly.
2. ASK them if they would be so kind as to fully REPEAT their words, because you want to be with them, and truly hear them. (Ego will scream at this suggestion, won't it?)
3. Do your best to repeat back to them exactly their own words, and ask them if you have fully heard them, AND if they feel complete in their sharing, or want to share anything else.
4. THEN ask them this:  What is it you truly want, right now, and how do you perceive it will bring you to happiness and peace, for that is my deepest desire for you.
5. Encourage them to take all the time they need to get in touch with this, that you are with them.
They may respond to any of the above, or not! What matters is YOUR growth in meeting Fear, with Presence. IF they do seem to respond, change your language into a joint invitation. In short, shift from 'I, and you' to 'we':          
6. Since we are here, right now, together, let's see if we can join to find a real solution. I know we can if we are willing!
By now, something will be very self evident:  you will see and know what they are TRULY committed to!
If it is attack in any form, then its time to let them know, calmly, that it is clear they are hurting for some reason, and that remaining committed to it is not something you can join them in, as you have learned that this can never be a solution for them.
Let them know you see the real capacity in them, and are always ready to join devoted to healing, finding real solutions, and growing in real happiness, whenever they may be ready. End by saying, 'thank you' for sharing as you have, for all moments are opportunities for me to grow my own ability to be with you as you are.
And simply move your body in the direction of your true commitment, and what needs your presence, elsewhere. Later, it is wise to reflect on WHO you have called into your life. Those energies are not present by accident! Yes, you may need to do some self-forgiveness work on when those energies were expressed through you as well. You will need to reflect on HOW you have habitually met such energies, and deepen your commitment to your own transformation, and nothing serves that goal better than the very real moments of life that activate our own ego patterns, themselves born of Fear.
Here are a few KEY wonder questions to explore:              
What requirement do I keep making of others?
What belief do I carry about how others 'ought' to be?
Might I be placing more emphasis on this, than on my own transformation? 
Am I willing to learn increasingly how to be the presence of Love, under ALL conditions? I always remind myself (and 
others) of this fundamental truth:


OF COURSE the world will disturb us, for it was NEVER capable of being our source of Love, though we are all 'guilty' of believing (and insisting) it OUGHT to provide what it cannot ever give. Thus, to see the world truly is to see the uses WE have demanded of it, and of all others, who we have chosen to give us safety, security, approval, and love. And it is NOT their role to do so!
To 'forgive the world' is to see through the requirements WE have placed upon it, to see HOW and WHY the world can ONLY fail us, for the rule of EGO is to 'seek, but never find'. (This loop justifies our judgement, and our guilt, thus keeping us separate from Love and Reality).
Our journey is to stay present with our own Fear, and see what requirements, secret hopes, and demands are fueling it, and to forgive ourselves. Each moment is an opportunity to realize the supreme freedom of Love by NOT responding to the voice of Fear WE have made, and worshipped too long.
Let all beings become your messengers and saviors, by seeing how they trigger the places within us that ARE fearful, needy, demanding, and perhaps unwilling to choose Love and let it teach us of itself. Where can it do that? ONLY in the very midst of where we use to react with fear, projecting all manne of requirements upon others.
Let me end this brief sharing on a question that has such rich depths to show us, with this:
No one in this world is made to love me, keep me safe, nor uphold the image of myself I wish to believe is true. The world is given me as it is that I might discover and learn that Love IS the essence of my only Reality, and that I am free to Be what I truly am, under ALL conditions. Only in the conditions of the world can I ever learn and realize that ONLY Love IS Real, by BEING it.
From this moment forward, I welcome all messengers and saviors, showing me what I truly want no longer, offering me the chance to incarnate my True Self. This alone is what makes the world precious to me: not what I can get from it, but what I can discover I have the capacity to give, to it. For this is the only path Home. Thank you, Lord, for helping me to finally see this great, and essential Truth.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012- power words, symbol and intentions

I already started on my intentions and my symbol this year is snake. I have one of my words for the year following my annual tradition and it is POWER. I like to choose two or three so also under consideration are creativity, unity, balance and dance- we'll see what unfolds. Feel free to share your intention, symbol or word/words for the year. I am glad we have arrived in 2012. I want to give a special welcome to Ireland. Most of my ancestors were Irish and I feel a great love for your country, especially after my visit in 1989.
I have the feeling this will be a very magical year. I celebrate each of you and wish you joy and magic in the coming year.

1/2/12 I woke up this morning with the word unlimited so that will be a keeper- I sense it will be four words this year- why not be unlimited- I sense the other two will be unity and dance but not yet 100% clear.