Tuesday, June 14, 2016

stages of unraveling

These are some of the stages of the unraveling of the ego that may occur. It may begin with dissatisfaction over things that used to be so fulfilling. Suddenly things start falling apart, many losses may occur of things we thought were essential to our well being. Everything seems to go wrong and our over activated nervous system gets hit again and again. This is the critical choice point. Do we choose to fight what is, ignore, denial, project what is arising or feel it in our body?
In this phase it is easy to fall into self blame or the idea we are defective or at fault. No, it is just our time to unravel the ego to taste an inner freedom and peace that awaits us. This phase may go on for a very long time and be accompanied by periods of absolute despair, hopelessness, even suicidal ideation, feeling like what is arising is intolerable, beyond coping with. In this phase we just have to survive it. Trust is our best companion that a Force greater then ourselves is steering our inner being toward liberation. That faith may be sorely tested. Hang in there by a thread if necessary. This phase may go on way longer then we hoped or imagined.
The next phase is a welcome relief in that the intensity drops off somewhat and things may slowly stop going wrong every few minutes but it may not be the nirvana we hoped for. It may feel empty, a void without desire, hope, dreams, vision, a no man's land designed to reboot us into a new reality. There may likely still be triggers but they are not continuous. We have found by allowing what is, these challenges pass much more quickly.
Then slowly a few things go our way, one or two dreams may unfold in a small way and trust is no longer mission impossible. We have moments of such peace and clarity and it all makes sense, seems worthwhile. Then we may get hit with the next clearing and think, this will never end, I just can't take it anymore. We may compare ourselves to others, sure we are the slow kid on the block who just doesn't get it, is missing the boat. Nope, you are right on track. Do your best not to compare. We are each on our own timeline.
Now more good things slowly pop in, peace last for longer stretches and faith becomes second nature. Mini miracles arise and joy peeps in. We may not be out of the woods but we can imagine surviving. We may again be hit with something huge and slip back into despair albeit very briefly, now things shift so much more quickly and we have a good sense of Who we are.
Finally longer and longer stretches of peace arise and joy becomes our natural state AND fall back position. A few things arise that show us miracles are natural and we feel blessed to be alive. We become guides for those still lost in the dark, letting our joy shine a light. Darlings, stay strong. All that is unfolding is serving us within our realities and without in the wider world. Have faith, dear ones, all is well.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

The magic carpet ride of love

I meet so many whose feel as though their nervous systems are fried. I did meet someone who told me lots of people she knows are doing fantastic. That is the promise on the other side of this initiation back to our true selves. 
The challenge for many is this is taking wayyyyyyy longer then any of us may have anticipated, been wayyyyy more involved, taken wayyyy more courage, commitment, vigilance.
While I was going through the worst of it, I was very interested in the stages. I will try to find the book that best delineates this from my perspective. Here is the important thing to know. You are not alone, you did NOTHING wrong, it is not your fault it is taking so long, seems to involve so much loss, fear, grief. Everything is working to support you in waking up, no matter how painful it feels. We are not trying to get somewhere new, release, let go of the "bad" parts of ourselves. This is an uncovering, an unraveling of any belief that denies our own magnificence, our own unlimited natures. Love is the path always. It may take a long time to come to understand the true meaning of surrender and allowing. It can not be forced. I chuckle at how long I tried and tried to surrender!😰😱😝😜 It all comes in divine timing which we can not force. It is not accomplished through any beating up of ourselves to arrive back home in ourselves. Perhaps one of the biggest ingredients, one that may feel like mission impossible at times, is trust, trusting ourselves no matter what road we are meandering on. We are lovable, loving and loved. The time is now to choose a life fueled by love not one lost in fear. Choose love darlings, it is the path strewn with miracles. Remember, this year is about the magic carpet ride.