Friday, October 31, 2014

is it real?

Yesterday the monsters were very convincing. I finally started to come out of it toward evening and it was as though I awakened from a trance. My body is still very tense. When I think of how this was my everyday reality 24/7 for most of my life, I wonder how I survived it. It is so hard not to be grouchy, negative, snappy or dramatic when the body is freaked out like that. This time it was primarily physical yet eventually my mind started to give too and I began to believe those old fears while another part of my being knew it was baloney. One layer watched the other layer who watched the other layer. Very strange. These energies are packing a potent punch so I send my love and support to all of you. May you be at peace and love yourself, whatever is arising. May you receive many treats and no tricks. May your hearts' hold steady as the wind increases. Let the storm rage around you while you remain firmly planted in mother Earth.

and this from Tom Kenyon and the Hathor's explains exactly what I experienced:

When they discussed the effects of this particular sound meditation they said: “the cellular structure of your body will unwind and release stress and delusional states of perception.” What they meant by this enigmatic statement is that The Elevatron reduces stress reactions in the body, and in their view overly stressful reactions create delusional states of mind. In other words, when we are excessively stressed our mental/emotional perspective is twisted and we respond to situations in our lives from a less resourceful state than when we are not unduly stressed.

The article is quite pessimistic so you may want to just skip to the sound meditation, if you choose to look at it.

Thursday, October 30, 2014


After over two weeks of knowing absolutely Who I AM and believing I was in lock down with my true identity with resulting peace, calm, serenity it all came to a screeching halt a few days ago. My body has not been in great shape all along, feeling depleted, mild headaches, and for the last few days my spine has felt like a steel rod constantly being compressed. It was all physical until yesterday where one stressor after another piled up and my mind finally started sinking into the gutter. By dance class today, "my head hurt, my feet stink and I don't love Jesus" as the lyrics go. We were celebrating a birthday at dance and the music grated on my ears. I lay down trying to loosen my spine. Then like a gift from God a friend came over and spontaneously started pulling on my hands and then my legs, stretching me out, restoring a bit of faith in life. Afterwards I was able to dance and enjoy myself a bit but soon the tension in my spine mounted again. One thing in particular sent me around the bend, this after being certain it would take something huge to push my buttons ever again. I was sure this visceral recognition of my true nature would certainly last a lifetime as it was so undeniable. Yet just yesterday I realized I was feeling a bit cocky. Today  I wanted my mommy. I was extremely uncomfortable, body and mind, Doubts started creeping in and even though part of me saw them as absurd, another part was convinced I was doomed. It loosened a bit after talking to a friend and a gorgeous hug from my daughter but I am still not a happy camper despite hammock time, even a glass or two of wine. I managed to stay off the coffee and sugar now for over two and a half weeks so that's something. Otherwise all does not feel well. It is a definite bah humbug time. I understand the black moon is kicking our butts. So if you feel like cr*p like me, hang in there darlings and know all is well even though it sure doesn't feel like it. Happy Halloween. Here in our town it is a big deal so perhaps tomorrow I can enjoy things again. Kisses.

Monday, October 27, 2014

OMG half the world!!!!

OMG, this is a moment I have long dreamed of. Turns out a few weeks ago over half the countries of the world have looked at the blog. Such a delicious feeling of unity. I so wanted this before I stop posting here at the end of the week. Iran was the country that threw it over the top on 10/16/14, best as I can tell but just this moment I found the country I had not counted. Even google maps identified it as an unknown country which turns out to be, ta ta do da!! Sao Tome and Principe. It is an island nation off of the coast of west Africa. They peeked in on 10/2. So it is official, half the world just in the nick of time. I am delighted and thank you Iran and Sao Tome and Principe. You are most welcome as part of the family and I hope you will join our new family, on my web site, to be announced. 


(I also posted a new photo below taken 8 years ago. I have wanted to do something with that set of photos and finally got around to it, 8 years after the fact. Really cleaning up the "to do"list.)

Sunday, October 26, 2014

yearning to live, life force and letting go of yearning

For years I have been searching for a song that  I fell in love with my sophomore year in college. That year I cried every day, overwhelmed by my yearning and grief. In hind site I see my grief as coming into acceptance and understanding of the dark side of being human. The yearning was to be free, to love, to LIVE. Yet anxiety was my constant companion. Also, my love for a boyfriend was a tumultuous drama that kept me in constant doubt about my lovability. He started dating the girl in the dorm room next to mine while he was still dating me. I would hear the creak of his knee as he passed by my room. I would never know if he would stop at my door or hers. I was too weak to say no to him despite the pain I was in. My life force was both incredibly strong and paradoxically very depleted. 

My friend had this album called "Weeds" with what became my favorite song, Witchi-tai-to. It powerfully inspired me each time I heard it with this surge of energy and determination to LIVE. I would feel my waning life force rise up every time I heard the song. Finally he got so sick of me asking him to hear it that he gave it to me. Alternatively, he cared deeply for me and thus gave it to me. In any case, I became the proud owner and constant replayed the song at an ear splitting volume.

It seems quite symbolic to me that I have found it again just today. My life force is not in need of replenishment yet I feel my heart swell with the music. I feel my blood flow and my heart burst with an energy of gratitude for where I am today, calm, neutral, loving and free. The yearning is gone as the sense of arrival, Homecoming becomes more constant. It has been a long and very windy road yet it is so very true, "it makes me feel glad that I'm not dead…"

click for song:
Brewer and Shipley

Thursday, October 23, 2014

rebirth and celebration

For me this is a day of rebirth and celebration. I meet my wasband 27 years ago today, watched my marriage and life crumble 5 years ago today and now feel a sense of renewal and rebirth today despite strong exhaustion. I am declaring the official beginning of the new phase of my life where I own my power, know Who I AM, and live as the Christ. I also had an initial launch of my web site which feels fabulous. i will announce it hear after it is more complete but wanted to have it opened on this day in celebration of my new life. I wanted to share this beginning with all of you, my dear soul family. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014



I am so excited. News flash: I AM ABUNDANT! There is only one reason this is so. It is because I KNOW who I AM beyond the level of thought. That has been the gift of the eclipse wormhole which ends tomorrow. This knowledge and certainty is dropping below thought into being. Now this has been a process for sure and I have so much compassion for the woman I was who judged and belittled myself for it taking so long, being so arduous, seemingly being mission impossible. Am I fully awake? Not even close and that is O.K.
I just skimmed a book I had read 9 years ago yet not fully grasped; Eye of the I, by David R. Hawkins.  It helped me drop even more. He speaks of calibrating levels of consciousness and how a small group of higher consciousness beings can hold the energetic of the entire planet from self destructing. This helped me affirm ever more deeply my worth and yours. That you are interested in reading this means you are among a small group of people interested in shifting your consciousness back to your true Identity. YOU are helping hold the energetic of an entire planet. Can you feel that? Can you own that? Can you celebrate your magnificence?
Anyway love calibrates at 500 and unconditional love at 540. It was my life dream to reach that level and now I have. I am somewhere between 500-540. With this ownership which belongs to each of us, the paradigm shifts and all is well. As I wrote yesterday, it no longer interest me what my eyes show me. I am going to be very transparent so you know I am not just blowing smoke here. I have not had less financial resources for almost 30 years. I made $25 dollars in the last two months which exactly covers my cost for advertising my class. It does not interest me at all because it has NOTHING to do with my safety or well being. I actually see clearly why this was necessary and how this extreme contrast helped me wake up out of illusion. Can you taste that? I AM ABUNDANT. I AM ABUNDANT. I AM ABUNDANT and so are you. Now this happens to have been my issue du jour that was holding up my remembrance of my nature. I know this one affects many highly conscious heart centered love wave people. I could explain why but it does not really matter. What matters is moving past that illusion. I am revealing some personal information so when I share with you later how abundant I AM, you won't say well that's her, I could never do that. Baloney. It is an inner reality you must own, nothing more. Yes I know that nothing more is an itsy bitsy task but no matter, it is now available on this planet in a way it never was before. So will you jump up and dance with me? (pause for jig of celebration.) If you read my previous blogs, you will see the specific things that helped me remember. On my new web site I list tools and resources to help you. Together we can do this my beloveds. YES WE CAN. So when you read about how outrageously successful and abundant I AM, don't be surprised or jealous. Just join me. I also want to share I still have the time to answer questions or comments but I can not say for how long this will be true, my dear ones. So you shy ones, if you have any questions or concerns you can ask guru girl (she said tongue in cheek.) What holds you back the most? What scares you the most? What brings you the most love and certainty? Feel free to comment below if your heart moves you to do so. I love you and am sending a HUGE love wave of certainty about WHO WE ARE, WE ARE THE BELOVED! Don't you forget it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

awakening is a process/ letting go of money as determining Who I AM


So many awarenesses dropping in during the eclipse wormhole which completes on October 23. Here's the thing, this awakening is a process that takes the appearance of time which can lead to great frustration and self doubt. Because physical "reality" is the densest it takes the longest to transform. So when nothing seems to be working or when things seem to just get worse and worse, it is hard to keep the faith. It is hard to see this process as benevolent yet it is. The possibilities for transformation, for Love, for awakening have never been greater. Yes, the process can be grueling and appear so unkind. Yet I see ever more clearly in myself, students and clients how the process is guiding us, as gently as possible, back to Ourselves. The pace has picked up considerably and so not choosing this path does come with some challenging side effects. Since choosing this path also brings up challenges, it may be hard to stick with this yet I assure you it is the only game in town. I know you have already made that choice or you would not be reading this, you would not have found your way here. I have tried enough alternatives to the path and literally went around the world twice looking for an easier road then this one. I am now at the point where I trust things can be easy and graceful. Some of us have quite gentle paths, some more challenging based on our soul mission and beliefs. For this of you who may have a steeper  climb, which I certainly understand, how does one keep the faith? When met with such physical, emotional, spiritual, financial hardships, how can this be perceived as a gift from the gods? Good questions and maybe it is almost impossible to hold in trust when your life seems to be going to hell in a hand basket (wonder where that saying came from). Perhaps it is only when we have gone far enough that we can look back and say, ah yes, so worth it. That it why I feel it is essential to have those who have gone before spread breadcrumbs of certainty about the truth of our nature. It is only the forgetting that is problematic. But what an only! Mama Mia. 
So first I cleared my mind of mistaken beliefs and this process continues to this day. Then I had to take dominion of my emotions. I do not mean I control them in the sense of denying or blocking them, not at all. I merely do not get carried away in the river of the story the emotions use to plunge me into. Now as I allow them to pass through me like a wave, it is so much more graceful, gentle and kinder. They often pass like a quick storm. 
Now the trickier two have held me up for a while  That is my spiritual ego masquerading as my true self and also shifting the physical level of "reality." What a superb impostor my spiritual ego has been.  Boy did she like to strut around with her superior knowledge, casting subtle aspersions on those not as wise as she was. I was so blind to this until my dear soul friend called me guru girl and stopped me in my tracks. I laughed and at first ignored it yet I slowly witnessed that I was spiritually type A, madly trying to staunch the terror of the world by being spiritually obedient and devoting myself to spiritual laws and rules. Hey, as a former Catholic I come by it honestly yet I am now slowly cracking that nut.
Which leaves me with the physical level transformations. My most challenging lesson by far was to stop seeing love as outside myself. But this physical appearance of periodic scarcity has kept me stymied for some time, another obstacle to dissolve  When despite my bowing down, following every rule I could, my bank account has kept heading south and my work has slowed to a crawl, I was left screeching my head with a what the f*ck is going on question. I realized something was way off base. This one kept me stumped for a long time. I finally got it. When I saw that I had money as the source of my safety, my security I started shifting. When I later witnessed how I affirm my abundance ten times only to counter it by saying and feeling great scarcity when my bank account does not suddenly start increasing, I saw I was stuck in an eddy, going round and round. I had my foot on the gas and the break, affirming my success only to then question it desperately whenever anything showed up that looked like scarcity. I would affirm my Divinity only to then make it dependent on numbers in a bank. Here's where loafs and fishes can come in. Did Jesus freak that he didn't have money in the bank to buy the multitudes something to eat? No, he knew Who he was and merely by affirming his Identity, he resolved the situation. So do I need a certain dollar amount to be safe? No, I need do nothing with one itsy bitsy exception. It is time to remember Who I AM. From that place, all is resolved. I see it frequently now as seeming obstacles dissolve when I trust all is well, despite what my eyes may be showing me to the contrary. I am choosing to see with my spiritual eyes and ignore what my physical eyes may show me. Low and behold, often what seems to be a problem is suddenly miraculously resolved. For now it is usually only small irritants that shift. Yet I know a miracle can await every moment. Are you catching my drift here? Now remember, this is a process and it often takes the appearance of time for these Truths to take hold in the soil of your being. Don't let that dismayed you. Remember, always, all is well.
Last night I facilitated a class and one person showed up. In the past I would have freaked and gone into major scarcity, affirming my small, puny self was screwed. Last night I was grateful for so many reasons. I was grateful that my nervous system did not freak out but was totally neutral. I was happy because I have been so busy getting my web site ready to launch and dealing with the emotional storms accompanying that process that I was glad not to have to summons the energy to hold a large group. I was pleased as this is a devoted student and we were able to go very deep in a way that might not have been appropriate with a larger group. I realized it was actually my strong preference, once I let go of money as my source, to have just her show up. WOWOWOW. 
So for those of you about to start blaming yourself for yo-yoing about money or any other issue, forget it RIGHT NOW. I am finally getting to the point. THIS IS A PROCESS. You cannot hurry it along, take control and zip through it. It unfolds in its own timing and all you can do is take your hands off the steering wheel and enjoy the ride. Hear me friends, take your hands off the steering wheel and enjoy the ride as best you can. You are on a ride at the carnival. Sometimes the ride is "It's a small world" with gentle music, serenely floating along and sometimes it is "Space Mountain"where you are plunging madly in the dark, screaming for dear life (these are both Disney rides for those of you who have never been to Disneyland). Both serve us. I have spent way too much time trying to hurry this along, blaming myself for being slow, desperately attempting to find an easier way and judging myself for having spiritual learning challenges. I now see all of that as absolute hogwash. Forget about it. Darlings, be gentle and loving with yourself. Once you commit to remembering Who you are, the ride begins and you can just sit back in your seat and let it take you where you need to go. Do your best to forgive yourself and others for any false ideas of how it, they, you should be. Trust, have faith and just enjoy the ride as best you can. They say millions of souls wanted to play this game on earth at this epic time in history and only the best and the brightest were chosen. That means YOU! Can you own your own magnificence? If not, I will hold the mirror for you until you can. I see your beauty. I love you. I send you a love wave. So much love.

P.S. Once I launch my web site I will be switching all activity over there. Just a little heads up.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Chaos and order

Chaos and order

One of the more frustrating aspects of this ride called ascension has been the inner and out chaos that has surrounded me most of my life. For most of my life I felt incapable of maintaining order. I was jealous of those to whom it seemed to come naturally. Starting a few years ago I would use great effort to clean up and be so proud I finally got it handled only to be knocked down by the next wave of energy and watch it all return to a big mess. So frustrating! It still is happening but now I can maintain it longer, clean up quicker and maintain some semblance of order. I had to learn to make peace with it, even when I realized it was the final blow to my marriage. In fact my inability to meet his fair and reasonable request that was vital to my husband’s sanity let me know our marriage was not meant to survive and this was the final sign.

I knew the chaos was a reflection of my inner chaos. I write this for those of you struggling with this issue. If you can, be at peace with it, let go of all judgment. I finally could stop blaming or judging myself and now see it was a natural step and progression on my journey. Darlings, it is O.K., all is well, all is well. Know in right timing, this too shall pass.

Friday, October 17, 2014

nutritional support to allay fear

For me the whole virus thing is just something being ratcheted up to give us one more choice to move into fear. My best idea about this is to ignore the way this fear is being manipulated to scare the shit out of you. My choice is to choose love, bypass the fear. But in case that doesn't work, try this from Greg von Haesler.

As some of you may know I'm a personal nutritionist, so this is looking at disease from a nutritional perspective.

Little do people know, but Iodine is used to cure aids. Selenium is used to fight cancer. Zinc is used as a general immune system supplement all around.

So I advise everyone to start loading on iodine today. If it's not Fukushima radiation, it's ebola. Iodine regulates the thyroid gland. In many ways Iodine and the Thyroid control the immune system of the body. Most people are replete (deficient) in this necassary nutrient. You should start loading on iodine today, because a healthy thyroid should kill virtually all diseases/viruses entering the body.

Selenium compliments the iodine and works with the thyroid. Zinc also enhances thyroid effects. All in all selenium and zinc both buffer the immune system response of the body and with this trifecta of nutritional supplements one should be ok from the ebola plague.

In the event of a localized emergency, or trauma, have colloidal silver on hand. Colloidal silver is said to kill the aids virus and is also said to kill the ebola virus. It is unpatentable however so it is not being marketed by big pharma [since it's unmarketable], but it will kill ebola nonetheless.

I hope this helps. I also run a nutrition group called the iodine truth group on

supreme consciousness

Yea baby, definitely some interesting energy up lately. It has been very mixed for me. I had a luscious mini vacation where I was present and enjoying myself despite periods of deep fatigue. I am learning to love my quirkiness and become spiritually irreverent. In fact my newest spiritual practice is to give people the finger, discreetly, of course, whenever they drive me batty, It always brings a smile to my face and the frustration or anger dissipates quickly. Boy did I need it after holding with Blue Shield insurance for 1 hour, 23 minutes and 30 seconds! So it is lovely not to be so spiritual correct and obedient. In fact based on my contribution, my sacred dance group has decided to erect a temple to the bitchy, nasty,  "f" you parts of ourselves and celebrate their divinity, Whoopee, what a ride!
Other times I have left the old loneliness sucking at my legs with tears of neediness emerging. The difference is for the most part I can just let them come and go. I really don't make a story about it, yea, yea, not too often. I can generally just flow with it. I am beginning to get a taste of the knowing of our supreme consciousness, our Divinity, our scintillatingly gorgeous selves, beyond the level of thought, keeping true to my vision of knowing myself as Love. And what a bloody relief to not have to do it perfectly, to be ok with being angry, with judging myself, with being fed up. How lovely to just let that be, not have it mean anything or need to get out the spiritual whip. For a former Type A spiritual compulsive, what a relief! You have no idea. Not to associate Love with some pious Catholic, sinless holier then thou way of life. Ah, it is yummy, wanna join the fun?

sage advice for the last months of 2014

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Your vibrational frequency is not determined by the quality of your thoughts, but by the power of the words you verbally express. Equally so, your vibrational frequency is not determined by how often you react, but how lovingly you respond to the reactions you face. This is the new paradigm of consciousness for the energetically sensitive soul. I call it the love revolution.
Photo: Your vibrational frequency is not determined by the quality of your thoughts, but by the power of the words you verbally express. Equally so, your vibrational frequency is not determined by how often you react, but how lovingly you respond to the reactions you face. This is the new paradigm of consciousness for the energetically sensitive soul. I call it the love revolution.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

flying trains, transforming scarcity/limiting beliefs and the now

I worked for the railroad for over a decade. Once after leaving Chicago, a woman asked me when we would be taking off. I said we left Chicago over an hour ago and that she could see we were moving merely by looking out the window. She said, "No, take off." We went back and forth with me telling her we were  in motion, we were on our way and with her repeating the same question. It finally dawned on me. I asked, "You mean take off, like fly?" She nodded yes and I responded "trains don't fly." At the time, I thought it was hysterical how naive she could be. Yes, I was judgmental. Now I bow to her innocence, knowing she must have been a very inexperienced traveler, perhaps amazed with wonder. 

This story came back to me the other day even though it occurred decades ago. For me releasing two of my most persistent limiting beliefs has felt like learning to accept that trains fly. So I decided to use that as a catch phrase to remind me of my unlimited nature and the absolute possibility for the miraculous. My spiritual patenter and I agreed to say that when we see ourselves accepting an erroneous limitation, particularly in the area of abundance. I am now beginning to taste this level of awareness of the miraculous, of abundance even though it is still a stretch. I want to document it here so when I am fabulously abundant, there will be a trail of breadcrumbs for others to follow.

So the two beliefs that have kept me looping are "the more I spend the less I have" and "money is the source of my security and safety." Now I know I come by them honestly and while my mind knows they are 3D it still has not yet fully leapt to 5D where those statements are totally erroneous. For years I could not even accept the real possibility that these are false. Now I know intellectually that they are false yet it has not yet fully landed in the most dense level of physicality, accepted by my nervous system. I am so delighted by how many things that use to drive me around the bend don't even cause a flinch. So liberating. Yet these two still were tripping me up, at least until now. Now I can feel them want to push my head under yet each time I feel the contraction I either affirm  
I AM ABUNDANT or I say ALL IS WELL. Listening to Crimson Circle's Abundance Clinic and to Matt Kahn's Angel Academy yesterday, week 2 are what helped me jump to this new awareness after many years of attention, intention, TRYING. I understand so much now. How my intention was actually based on a certainty of lack with the prayer to jump away from that scarcity by intending the opposite. I understand what Matt was saying yesterday in the angel academy. Break for commercial announcement, for me this last angel academy session was very powerful and worth the whole experience for how it helped me shift. I knew that limiting beliefs are very sticky and they a large part of what I do professionally, supporting others in releasing them. Yet I kept getting nudges that there had to be a better 5D way to move them. Matt explained this brilliantly. So it is a law of consciousness that what is set in motion stays in motion infinitely so if I focus myself or my clients on releasing pain or beliefs it can become an endless game of releasing. So he suggests rather then trying to monitor or change your thoughts or believes,  instead replace them with a higher vibration, more dominant truth/thought. We set into motion within our subconscious a commitment to love whatever arises, always. He recommended using the powerful phrase ALL IS WELL to anchor higher vibrational energy. As I wrote yesterday, I already picked up on that energy of all is well. So when a fearful thought arises, you can send I love you's to the one that is afraid and/or repeat as a conscious mantra, "All is well." He suggests as much as possible to say it out loud. This high vibration truth when repeated often enough with attention, not mindlessly like a drone (my words) will move the thought of "all is well" in the subconscious from foreign to familiar. Our world is a reflection of our most predominant beliefs, thoughts about our reality. Presto, change-o,  by moving it from unfamiliar and rejected to familiar and accepted, in time your world must shift to reflect your new inner reality. The mirror will always reflect the deepest inner experience. Thus sabotage, scarcity, fear shifts when "all is well" become our predominate thought that has replaced unconscious limiting beliefs, memories and behaviors. We affirm something at a higher level which replaces the limiting experience. This new phrase is set in motion perpetually and shifts our cellular memory and reality to our highest aspirations,  Does it make sense? So bottom line, repeat as often as possible when fear or limiting beliefs arise. ALL IS WELL. He suggests trying it very consciously and deliberately for a week. Of course, listening to his presentation will bring in the awareness much more powerful then my typed words. I felt the power of this method to shift beliefs. It totally lines up with my understanding of these new 5D possibilities. With pain, feel it and send either I love you's and/or affirm that all is well. So feeling terrified, wow, proof all is well. A mind bender I know but isn't that the point? To bend our minds away from our limits? Then rather then as I was trained to do, looking for the pain to release it, merely notice it is there and affirm all is well to transform the experience to a higher vibration. Searching for our painful experiences and beliefs was a powerful healing modality in 3D yet in 5D can keep us looping in the release process, endlessly creating more to release. This allows us to transform without needing to create more pain. Each of us most evaluate for ourselves what works. My sense is we may need to release enough to even accept the possibility of another easier way to release so trust and love yourself enough to see what works for you. I see that what use to work for me, maybe even for years, sometimes no longer does and I must shift to what currently is effective. The one thing I know for sure is the only thing that truly matters. You are a miracle. You are Love itself. Never judge yourself, your experience, your way of being, your problems, your ways of seeing things. It is all perfect. All is well. We are each unique and must find our own path. Darlings, may you soar through these times, aware of the miraculous possibilities and opportunities for stunning transformation. May you know how deeply you are loved, you are love. Remember,


Later: this has been a challenging day, few days for me. One of my deepest fears has resurfaced after years of relative quiet. I have been bathed in a cascade of tears. I sat outside on a rock, allowing the breeze to caress me as my fear seemed to sweep me into a torrent of old energy. It felt as though I were back at the beginning of this journey, with little progress. The temptation was to be emerged in the old, to pick up that old baggage and start to carry it again. Yet I reminded myself that to be on a flying train, I need to travel lightly. I do not choose the pity party, to be a victim, to reenter my sob story. I chose to keep my hand open in a gesture of surrender, allowing a Mystery greater then myself to continue the alchemy of turning my old fears into the gold of consciousness. I choose to know this is washing me clean of all that no longer serves me. I do not go into the past of my history or the future of my potential story to try to disentangle myself from what is arising. I merely witness, love myself and know ALL IS WELL. My darlings, I know this is not a cake walk. Yet i know the riches of inner freedom and joy that are present to us are a jewel worth the price. I look back to myself just five years ago when this journey dropped me off a cliff. I look to the woman I was; despite years of personal growth, therapy, becoming a therapist, reading every book I could find, so much of my heart was still in solitary confinement. Do I wish this journey was easier, faster, less involved? Yes. Would I go back if I could erase the pain of the last years if I also had to let go of the freedom and deep love for myself and others I am now experiencing. No, I would not. So I continue to say yes, even through the tears, even as I wish this day were over.

I must also recognize that while it was a painful few hours, the actual peak of intensity was probably much less then an hour, perhaps 25 minutes. Since then it has subsided greatly. I let it go with open hands and heart, devoted to my own awakening to the Love that I AM.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

which flower grows? all is well

In my tiny garden, one gorgeous blooming morning glory died away overnight. At the same time another planet started to grow even though I had planted no seed. It sprang seemingly out of nowhere, it is huge and today a strange purple fern like bud is unfolding. I have no clue what it is or where it came from. Feels like a perfect metaphor for these times. Things come out of nowhere and can bring unexpected gifts.

It has never been easier to chose love or fear. It is important to stay vigilant with our focus. Every Thursday I expect a miracle and I always get one. Other days I had been reading reports of difficult incoming energies and I had been expecting to get overwhelmed or anxious and I did. So I am doing my best to avoid reading anything that predicts future energies as I do not want to negatively program my mind. I will know when something arrives soon enough. 
Darlings, this is an excellent time to take care of your body, exercise, go outside, be with loved ones, dance, sing. Keep your knowing high that all is well, you are loved and all is unfolding according to plan. Sweet post below, click to get link. Sending so much love.

latter: after writing this I listened to Matt Kahn's Angel Academy where he suggested saying "all is well" to conditioning our minds to that new reality, especially in response to any concern or problem. I love that I picked up the energy prior to hearing the teleconference. Love the synchronicity.

Hearts are opening, and enormous change is in the air.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

committing to coming Home and abundance clinic

I was just reflecting on commitment. As I look deeply, I have made four profound soul commitments, each of which after years of attention I later upgraded to an even more encompassing promise. Three of the commitments were to people, first to mySelf, then to my husband and then my daughter. Each one was a very heartfelt, soulful vow. I also committed to assisting others in ending suffering as I battled my own anxiety. This commitment has morphed into my passion and life purpose. My commitment to my wasband has shifted to one of friendship and family and away from the promise of a wife. But it is the first commitment I dedicated myself to that I want to review today. On New Year's Eve 1987  I swore to change my life. I had no idea what would be entailed, I just knew my surface level life of working, playing, living for everyday pleasures was not satisfying to  me. I had no clue where the journey would take me. It turns out it has taken me to this moment. My vision for my life's work came later and gets clearer all the time. It turns out it is taking me Home, to my own heart, to my own body, to my own magnificence.
I made another commitment a few days ago. I will see if it turns out to be an offshoot of one of my previous commitments or its own entity. It was to abundance. I am still not ready to write about what I have discovered other then to say I had never fully committed. I thought I had yet I had left the door open to going backwards, changing my mind, fluctuating, entertaining doubt and general subterfuge. It is not until a few days ago I could see this. I would have sworn I had committed. It probably was the abundance clinic video listed below that helped me clarify my commitment. My point here is commitment is absolutely necessary to get anything realized. Right now I see it as vital to commit to waking up from our slumber, dedicating ourselves to choose love rather then fear. I know it is not welcomed to hear that this is now a required course here on planet Earth but that is what I see. It is time to get off the fence and commit. The commitment will open up so many doors. It is a special medicine, one I sometimes call "open sesame" medicine. Doors will open, opportunities will arise that we could not conjure up in our wildest imagination. Darlings, it's time. Will you commit with me to living in a world filled with love. It begins in your own heart.

For those also ready to commit fully to abundance, below is the video I watched with a caveat. 

abundance clinic

This video on abundance will be free until Nov. 9. While I do not love this presenter's style as I am considered it could lead to self judgment, I still found the video quite valuable. Just be sure you love yourself, no matter where you are with your finances, abundance.