Chaos and order
One of the more frustrating aspects of this ride called ascension has been the inner and out chaos that has surrounded me most of my life. For most of my life I felt incapable of maintaining order. I was jealous of those to whom it seemed to come naturally. Starting a few years ago I would use great effort to clean up and be so proud I finally got it handled only to be knocked down by the next wave of energy and watch it all return to a big mess. So frustrating! It still is happening but now I can maintain it longer, clean up quicker and maintain some semblance of order. I had to learn to make peace with it, even when I realized it was the final blow to my marriage. In fact my inability to meet his fair and reasonable request that was vital to my husband’s sanity let me know our marriage was not meant to survive and this was the final sign.
I knew the chaos was a reflection of my inner chaos. I write this for those of you struggling with this issue. If you can, be at peace with it, let go of all judgment. I finally could stop blaming or judging myself and now see it was a natural step and progression on my journey. Darlings, it is O.K., all is well, all is well. Know in right timing, this too shall pass.
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