Wednesday, February 26, 2014

what does ego sound like?

Last night I watched a movie I did not like called "After Midnight." There are two previous movies which I liked well enough at the time yet would now find rather heady. It was so uncomfortable to watch the characters in the movie argue and hurt each other. It was especially painful as it reminded me of my former life. The pain of arguing and hurting loved ones was so excruciating for me, it is one of my primary motives for getting free. Seeing the movie was a good reminder of that incredible nastiness. I was sharp with my daughter last weekend and she called me on it, saying, hey, I didn't do anything. True enough and now the blessing is that such harshness is so rare it deserved a comment whereas previously lack of such conflict was more noteworthy.
I remembered my dream last night which is rare. It woke me out of a deep sleep and obviously ties in with the movie. I was getting married that day to a man I barely knew. He was short and pudgy. I went for a walk into the vast desert landscape that surrounded the hotel, a landscape my former husband would love. I knew I'd seen it before yet could not place it. It gfelt so spacious and open. I returned to the hotle and just before getting dressed realized I barely knew my fiancé, in fact we had never dated and only met a few times. I got very uneasy and started telling people I did not think I should go through with it. The guests and hotel were very posh and huge preparations had been made. I tried talking to my sister and others who all walked away without acknowledging me. No one would listen. I tried to tell my fiancé yet he too walked away. I was getting frantic and finally cornered a man who actually looked into my eyes and listened to me. I felt attracted to him, thinking I like this man, why am I marrying a man I feel so little for? Then I went for a boat ride with others through the lagoons of the hotel. I had make up on yet my hair was in giant curlers. I was now not 100% clear I should not marry him despite all my realizations. When I first  recognized I maybe should not marry him, it was like waking up from a dream. Now from the boat I saw a dolphin (my favorite animal and symbol of joy and freedom) swimming deep beneath me and I dove into the water with my wedding dress flowing behind me diving to be with the dolphin then swimming madly for freedom. I knew I had to cancel the wedding and just as I got out and was telling someone, I looked down and saw the wedding processional about to begin. There were maybe 50 people in the processional, dressed in luscious rich, majestic robes and glorious colors.  They glittered with jewels as though it was for a royal wedding and I thought to myself, oh it is so beautiful, I hate to stop it before seeing it all. 
 I woke up for "real" (these days I wonder what is real) from this dream into my morning and wondered immediately how I could even have considered marrying a man for whom I had so few feelings.
For me it was so symbolic of the ego. Perhaps I was attracted to all the trappings of this situation, the beauty, wealth, public acceptance. That is not normally important to me yet why else? What was curious was how dazed I was within the dream, still not 100% clear what to do. I woke up horrified to think that I could consider such a marriage even in a dream. It helped me realize how the ego tricks us with glitter, obscuring the deeper truths. I woke up so glad to see more clearly and to no longer be as deeply enmeshed in the ego's false promises.

Monday, February 24, 2014

money miracle

I have been playing with creating my own economy, releasing limiting beliefs about money and creating out of thin air. Today I decided to experiment by burning a large surgery bill, seeing myself owing nothing. I literally threw the bill in the fire. I had contacted them months ago about a possible reduction. A few hours after burning the bill and seeing the debt dissolved, I got a phone call telling me the bill had been reduced by 100%!!! That after hearing nothing for months! Now that is a miracle and I must say increased my knowing that we are indeed not in Kansas anymore, that we are unlimited!!!

P.S. Butterflies are Free to Fly highlighted some major beliefs I have about money and I have been playing with releasing the beliefs that when I spend money I have less money and I have to work to have money. Even though both those beliefs have very often been absent from my life experience, I realized how powerfully they are often triggered for me, especially the more money I spend, the less money I have. I am starting to relax both these beliefs and I  tell you it definitely blows my mind and helps me release limited thoughts, awakening me to the real possibility the world is my oyster, your oyster, our oyster.

twin flame/ soul mate

Best advise I have ever heard on finding your twin flame:

How to find Your Twin Flame Soulmate

I am sure that the intercyberwebnet and YouTube are chock full of all kinds of tried and true ways to find your elusive twin flame soulmate, and some of them might even have some useful information, but I will share the very best way with you right here.  It is a deceptively simple & very effective two step approach.

     Step One: Make a list of all the traits, attributes, qualities, & skills you will require of your perfect mate.  

      Step Two: Set about making sure you possess all of those same traits, attributes, qualities & skills .

If you do this, I will stand out like a lighthouse at midnight to your twin flame soulmate.  Now, be advised this will also attract moths, & other insects, so you will want to acquire some discernment along the way as well, it never hurts.  Primary among the attributes you will be developing will be an open heart with balanced emotions as this is usually what others will notice about you long before the more superficial things like buns of steel.  Not that there is anything wrong with buns of steel, but if that is your first criteria, then you're probably not soulmate material..."sorry Charlie." It will not matter to your twin flame whether you are rich or poor; whether you live in a penthouse or a pick-up truck.  What will matter to your twin flame, is finding their split-apart whole, happy and ready to move on to the next level. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

I can not recommend "Butterflies are Free to Fly"

I just read on the Oracle Report Facebook page that someone who had recommended the book came to the conclusion that the author's world view felt depressing and desolate to her. I agree and while I am writing one more blog post that will quote him, I do not recommend the book as his conclusion of the quantum reality he presents so beautifully are diametrically opposed to my worldview. He debunks compassion and never speaks of love as best as I remember and I do not intend to reread it. I just wanted to clarify this as it took me some days to recover from the negative influence this book had on me. The same happened to the woman on Facebook so I felt it necessary to clarify my view. As always, see what resonates for you. This diametrically opposes my core values and did not ultimately resonate for me.

Friday, February 21, 2014


Wow, I don’t know about you but for me it has been INTENSE. Little sleep two nights ago, interrupted sleep last night and slept through the alarm, again. Was caught in a downward spiral for six days. Finally woke up to the pattern being cleared. It is indifference. On Monday I was extremely bored for five hours. Sounds small I know but it was so intense. I can’t remember the last time I was bored and for those hours boredom was all that existed. I could not make myself do anything, I was totally unmotivated. I was cursing this whole ascension business and ready to throw in the towel. It had built up from Friday where everything I did was blah and meaningless. Despite some nice activities, I could have cared less about anything and everything. Nothing pleased me, I enjoyed nothing and no one. Like usual, I thought it would never end and I was blind within it. Yet Monday evening there was tiny movement, by Tuesday I was pleased to enjoy the sun listening on my neighbor’s pond and his emerald green pastures. By Wednesday I was able to recognizing I was in the midst of an upgrade and that I was being restored to greater wholeness. By Thursday I was able to remember that one week before I had been in joy and two weeks before, in bliss and profound gratitude as I reawakened my childlike innocence and vulnerability.  I was able to entertain a tiny bit of hope and caring. By midday I had an extraordinary experience when I bumped into a friend and supported her in the most magical transformation within the blink of an eye. I was on a cloud as I recognized how much had transformed within me and how much more strongly I could connect to the Field. I see that practical strangers hug me, distant acquaintances greet me as their long lost sister. Something is definitely on the move. I write this rather incoherently as my brain is still fogged from sleep deprivation but what I know fully remember is that I am glad all this intensity is underfoot because to return to who I was ten or twenty years ago would be excruciating. No way. Yea, it is beyond tough sometimes yet I can again witness the gain is worth the price of admission. To have my heart opened to the love and sacred unity is to come Home to somewhere both so familiar and, at times so achingly far away. Let me hold that for you my darlings if your eyes are clouded by grief or loss. Hold my hand and know I am with you, TOGETHER WE SHALL BE RELEASED. 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

what makes attachment so damn uncomfortable? how strongly do you want freedom

I continued to find many interesting things in the Butterflies are Free to Fly  E book however I have many reservations and only recommend it if you are one who can sort through and just pick out what is interesting. The first part is very scientific and mental and I know can put people to sleep. The second part is much more interesting and parts of the third section. There were many things that did not sit right with me,  some of which were major. In fact I had a rather unpleasant day yesterday. I felt bored, indifferent, uninterested in anything, totally flat about life, without any passion or desire. I later (this morning) realized it was partially from reading that book and picking up the energy from it. It has so many fascinating concepts and helped me identify and begin to release some core limiting beliefs, especially about money. However I experienced it as rather mental, not very heart centered (he would perhaps say I am just a Player playing my role either with resistance, opinions and beliefs or not) and with major concepts that left me feeling very limited and uncomfortable. Mind you, this is obviously my take on his material and others might experience it very differently. I felt uncomfortable with his saying we are totally separate from what he calls the Infinite I. He says we do not have a higher self, soul etc if I got it right. He also says he is hesitant to go the distance into "enlightenment" because he does not know what will happen to his relationships and, as best as I could tell, fears he might become indifferent to them. Here is where I totally disagree. For me the ultimate arrival is back to our natures as Love, ending the internal separation our egos throw up from that eternal nature. My entire life is based on the certainty WE ARE LOVE and this whole "journey" is recovering the knowledge of our true self and ending the internal separation from Source. Yes, the deeper I go down the rabbit hole the more I understand attachments are not the stuff of True Love yet rather are ego's favorite trick of keeping us stuck in separation offering us the carrot of the special relationship when that inherently prevents us from remembering our wholeness, our being as Love. He does not mention Love or separation, in fact he says we are not One. He has a lot of facts to back up his theory. I have "only" my gut and my experience, my heart yet that is enough for me. So that is how it affected me but I agree with the Buddha, see what feels true for yourself.

Now to the topic of attachment and what I am ever more deeply recognizing. This may sound silly yet a couple of incidents I witnessed within an hour helped bring my awareness home of how attaching to desire can cause discomfort. I was in a linen store buying a bathroom rug when the woman ahead of me was inquiring about a special they were running of two for one. She wanted to get two of something she had already purchased and, despite repeated explanations, would not let go of her attachment to that idea and accept that what she had was not part of the special. Then I went to Starbuck's and heard the ladies ahead of me tell the server it was exactly 5pm so they wanted the two for one special that began at that time. There followed much discussion and agitation about what was included on the special. They finally got their drinks. She then offered me the special which I tried to take advantage of but no matter what I offered to my companions as the extra drink either they did not want it or it was not on the special so I began to feel agitated and thought, forget it. Another woman with two kids argued back and forth about the special, not understanding she could either get one free drink and buy the other two or with the second purchased drink, get a second free drink. She argued why she had to pay for two drinks, why she would want to get two free drinks which would add up to four drinks, why she would not buy drinks for all three of them, why the server insulted them by thinking they only wanted two drinks etc. They finally offered her two free drinks with her one purchased one and off she sailed, taking my drink in tow by mistake. By now I had to laugh to see how absurd the whole thing was over a "free" drink. The cost of those drinks was a lot of upset and agitation. I talked to the servers, thanking them for remaining calm, and they offered ME two free drinks and a free cookie probably because I remained calm and polite. 

OK, as you can tell I am jumping all over the place so let's jump here now. This morning I read an old post of mine: 


healing love's vulnerability

which snapped me out of the energy of the Ebook and returned me to my personal values, understanding, purpose. Now I feel so much better. So read the book if you wish, decide for yourself what works and what does not. For me, over time experience and my feelings guide me to what feels good, what does not, what opens my heart to joy and peace, what closes it. This is my guide and the deliciousness of residing in that heart space is proof enough for me. I leave all the scientific evidence to others to make of as they will.

I want to mention one more example from one of my greatest teachers, insomnia and sleep. I have come to recognize how much the MIND determines how tired I am. Years ago I had very bad insomnia and it taught me to stop my fear based thoughts so I could fall asleep. I love sleep so this was a powerful motivator. Lately I have recognized how, on the nights I get minimal sleep, if I start worrying about being tired, think God, how will I get through the day, I am tired. If I attach to getting a certain amount of sleep in order to not be tired, I am always right. If I have no thought of how much sleep I need to feel rested, I am also right and do fine with the amount of sleep I do get. If I have no thoughts about it, just get up and go about my day, I am much less tired. Try it and see for yourself.

OK, here is what Butterflies are Free to Fly says about attachment and the process of being free. For me it is a lot of good information:

“Detachment as release from desire and consequently from suffering is an important principle, or even ideal, in the Bahá'í Faith, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, Jainism, Kabbalah and Taoism.... In Buddhist and Hindu religious texts the opposite concept is expressed as upādāna, translated as "attachment.” Attachment, that is the inability to practice or embrace detachment, is viewed as the main obstacle towards a serene and fulfilled life. Many other spiritual traditions identify the lack of detachment with the continuous worries and restlessness produced by desire and personal ambitions.”1
“One of the most important teachings of Zen Buddhism is non-attachment. The teaching of non-attachment may be easy to understand, but it is not easy to practice. Nevertheless, it is very essential to cultivate non-attachment if we are to live a serene and happy life in a world of constant change.... Our world is a world of desire. Every living being comes forth from desire and endures as a combination of desires. We are born from the desire between of our father and mother. Then, when we emerge into this world, we become infatuated with many things, and become ourselves well-springs of desire. Through desire we give rise to attachments. For every desire there is a corresponding attachment, namely, to the object of desire. For example, we are most conspicuously attached to our bodies. When someone threatens the body, we grow anxious and try to protect it. We relish physical comforts and the enjoyment of the senses. Thus, we are strongly attached to the body. But if we consider this attachment, we will see that it is a potential source of suffering.”2
One of the main reasons this concept doesn’t work is that it is based on judgment – the judgment that desire is “bad” and desirelessness is “good.” It also contains resistance to desire; and as many others have pointed out, to desire desirelessness is a desire in itself.
The truth is there is nothing “wrong” with desires and no reason to resist them or try to live without them. We are free to desire anything and everything we want. Our desiresmake life interesting and exciting. The problem only starts when we become attached to having those desires fulfilled. In other words, you cannot be attached to realizing or achieving your desires, so that whether you realize or achieve your desires or not has no effect on your happiness or state of mind. It is not the desire that needs to be detached from; it’s the attachment to its fulfillment.
I can well imagine the Buddha knew this and taught this, but his followers either didn’t get it, or couldn’t do it. So they made “desire” the focus of detachment rather than the attachment to the outcome of the desire. As quoted above...
“For every desire there is a corresponding attachment, namely, to the object of desire.”
No, no, no! The attachment is to the fulfillment of the desire, not the desire itself! All suffering comes from being attached to the fulfillment of the desire, and being disappointed when that desire is not realized despite all the meditation, prayers, visualization and hard work. The suffering is not because of the desire itself.
Jed McKenna says it very simply...
“All attachments to the dreamstate are made of energy. That energy is called emotion. All emotions, positive and negative, are attachments.”3
I have any number of desires I’m not attached to. For example, I have a strong desire to build a 65-foot wingsail catamaran4 where I can spend my days as a butterfly sailing the oceans, scuba diving, and enjoying the company of the whales and dolphins. But I am not attached to having that desire fulfilled; that will depend entirely on what my Infinite I wants me to experience. I also don’t have the catamaran as a plan or a goal or an agenda, nor am I doing anything to try to make it happen other than what excites me in the moment. I simply have fun with the desire, dream about it, enjoy drawing designs of the boat, and am curious to see if the ripples of my universe flow in that direction.
“No spiritual teaching that talks about non-attachment has any right to. None of them are talking about this. ‘Cultivate a sense of detachment,’ they say. A sense of detachment? What planet are they from? They have no idea whatsoever what detachment means. They seem to be talking about detaching from your desire for a BMW or for Mr. Right. Try detaching from what you love! From what you are! From everything that characterizes your membership in the human race! And that’s just for starters.”5

** *

Very briefly, you can consider yourself “attached” to someone or something when that someone or something can affect the way you feel. In other words... are attached to another person if something they do or say determines your happiness or lack of it. are attached to something when it has to be “right” in order for you to feel “right.” are attached to a false layer of the ego when it defines who you think you are.
The detachment we’re most interested in is detaching from these layers of the ego that have led to a misconception of who we really are, and that detachment happensautomatically as we do our spiritual autolysis and discover who we are not. We don’t have to actively pursue or practice detachment; those layers of false identity simply fall away, stripped off the onion and left for trash. As we find out who we are not on our way to finding out who we really are, we detach from those identities in the process. That is detachment.
“You can forget about non-attachment.... You’re putting the cart before the horse. Non-attachment isn’t a key to liberation, it’s a by-product.”6
** *
One of the many wonderful gifts I have been given by other Players in my life happened when I was fifty-five years old and fell in love with a woman who would soon start to act like my mother. For the first time in my life, she allowed me to closely examine the attachments I still had to both my parents, even though they were already dead at the time. Needless to say, these were less than pleasant memories. In fact, I cried almost every day for a solid year as I processed this part of my childhood.
In addition to loving her, I became very attached to this woman, to the point that how I felt was totally dependent on what she did or said every minute of every day. It was so bad that if she didn’t kiss me exactly right when we said goodbye in the morning, I was devastated and my day was ruined.
It was the Al-Anon program7 that helped me break these attachments. Al-Anon doesn’t teach that you have to leave an alcoholic you love, but that you can detach from them and the effects of their alcoholism, still love them, still live with them, and still be happy regardless of anything they do or say. Once I was able to detach from my parents and my fiancée, my happiness was no longer dependant on anything she said or did, or how she kissed me, and I grew to love this woman unconditionally.
So when I talk about “detaching,” it doesn’t mean you have to give up anything except your attachment. It doesn’t mean you can’t continue to love someone; it means you can no longer be attached to that love, or to that someone either. It doesn’t mean you can’t continue to want nice things in your life; it means your joy in life can’t be attached to having those nice things. It doesn’t mean you can no longer find total pleasure in your favorite meal with a good glass of wine; it means your happiness can’t be dependent on whether you get it or not.
It means letting go of the cave and your fellow prisoners in order to experience what it’s like outside the cave. It means letting go of the movie theater and your fellow Human Children and Human Adults in order to find out what is true and who you really are.
“The process of awakening looks like it’s about destroying ego, but that’s not really accurate. You never completely rid yourself of ego – the false self – as long as you’re alive, and it’s not important that you do. What matters is the emotional tethers that anchor us to the dreamstate; that hold us in place and make us feel that we’re a part of something real. We send out energetic tendrils from the nexus of ego like roots to attach ourselves to the dreamstate, and to detach from it we must sever them. The energy of an emotion is our lifeforce, and the amount of lifeforce determines the power of the emotion. Withdraw energy from an emotion and what’s left? A sterile thought. A husk. In this
sense, freeing ourselves from attachment is indeed the process of awakening, but such attachments aren’t what we have, they’re what we are.8
Think of it this way... in order to become a butterfly, a caterpillar has to give up the attachment to its body, the feel of the earth as it crawled along, the leaves it enjoyed eating, the 4000 muscles it possessed, the hair it used as protection, and so on. But letting go of those attachments is well worth it when the end result is a butterfly with its bright colors, light body, wings to fly, and the magnificent taste of flower nectar.
Being a caterpillar is a wonderful experience; being a butterfly is total freedom. ** *
In Book Two of his Enlightenment Trilogy, called Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment, Jed McKenna includes the spiritual autolysis writings of one of his students, named Julie....
“My mind is haunted, my thoughts are haunted. I am haunted; possessed, plagued with demons! My mother is here! My unborn children are here. My future is here, my dreams. Everyone who means anything to me, good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, is here. How do they all fit? How could I have not seen them right away? Of course they’re here. This is where they are. My attic is me, there is no place else. Whether or not they have physical counterparts out in the real world is meaningless to me, just as the fact that I might be a real person in the real world is meaningless to them. Perception is reality. I am possessed by my own perceptions; not by things and people, future and past, but by my perceptions of them. These are my connections, my attachments. Maybe all I really am is the sum of all these connections, these fearful longings and graspings. What is an attachment anyway? It’s a belief, that’s all. A strong one maybe, but just a belief. And yes, Jed, I know: No belief is true. The pen is mightier than the sword, isn’t it Jed? You wrote about a sword, but that was just a metaphor. It’s the pen. Spiritual Autolysis is the power of the pen, which is the power of the mind, the power to see, to see clearly. Yes, I will kill these people inhabiting my mind. I will kill them by clearly seeing the attachments that keep them here. I can see those attachments now. I can see the emotions at work and I am starting to see them for what they are. I am starting to understand of what stuff this prison of self is really made.”9
** *
I hope it is clear now what you are going to do as you go through daily life in your cocoon, first processing any physical or emotional discomfort that arises in your interactions with other people and the world “out there,” and then searching to find and let go of the false knowledge and emotional attachments that have formed layer upon layer of your ego, defining who you thought you were, until you discover who you really are.
The external searching is only one part of the story. The other part is the internal part; the slow, painful sloughing away of self, layer by layer, piece by piece. Spiritual
self-debridement. Some layers of selfhood just fall away, some tear off in long strips or flabby hunks, and some have to be meticulously, pain-stakingly; surgically removed. Everything I had become in decades of life I now had to unbecome. All I really was was belief, so everything I believed I now had to unbelieve. My new world was cold and bright and honest, but my old mind was still full of a lifetime’s accumulation of belief and opinion and false knowledge and emotional attachment – all the noxious debris and toxic waste that make up the ego – and it all had to go. That’s a process and it takes time. The world might be annihilated in a flash, but self takes a little longer to burn away. There’s no bomb for that. There’s no pretty Latin phrase or Sanskrit mantra that annihilates self quickly or painlessly. There’s no realization or insight or epiphany that wipes away the false self in a flash. Those who claim to have awakened in a flash are the most deluded of all...
“It should now be easy to understand that a true and complete spiritual teaching can be conveyed in three words [Who Am I?], while those that require entire libraries of books and legions of graybearded scholars to decrypt them can succeed only in producing ever more darkness and confusion. It should now be clear that there are no cases of instant enlightenment, that awakening is not the result of a single epiphany, but of a long, arduous journey wherein every step itself is a long, arduous journey. It should now be obvious that all dogma, beliefs, doctrines and philosophies are strictly dreamstate phenomena with no independent existence in truth. It should now be easy to look at any teacher or teaching, at any book, at any spiritual or religious assertion, and to instantly know its exact and certain value. It should now be easy to look at every internal thought, belief and emotion and know without the possibility of error what is real and what is imagined. It should now be clear that there is no room for debate or opinion with regard to what is true and what is false. The distinction is absolute: Truth exists. Untruth does not.”10
** *
Robert’s Process and Spiritual Autolysis. I’m personally not aware of any other processes from other scouts that I know for a fact will work in your transformation into a butterfly. But, of course, you are always free to come up with your own process if you think you’ve found something “better.” I would caution you to remember that any process developed inside the movie theater will not work in the cocoon, simply because it’s based on incorrect premises (i.e., the movies are real). Now the opposite of everything is true, so you would be wise not to try to bring any process into the cocoon with you.
Furthermore, any process you come up with inside the cocoon is going to have to include certain specific elements, like...
...acknowledging there is no objective, independent reality “out there” and the experience you’re processing isn’t real
...locating and letting go of all judgments, beliefs, opinions, and fears
...withdrawing, disconnecting, or switching off any power assigned to a person, place, or thing within the hologram
...expressing appreciation to the people, places, and things in your hologram for their role in your process, and to your Infinite I for its creations
...identifying and detaching from the layers of the ego that were created while in the movie theater, always with the purpose of finding the true answer to “Who Am I?”
In addition, any process must be done unilaterally and alone; that is, it cannot depend on anyone or anything else outside of you saying or doing anything at all. You initiate and run the process regardless of what anyone else does in your experience. No one else has to change anything; you just change your own reaction or response.
It’s also worth repeating and emphasizing that while you can do Robert’s Process in your head, spiritual autolysis will only work well if you actually write it down. The problem with doing stuff in your head when it comes to dealing with your fears and the layers of your ego is that the ego, threatened with its annihilation, will begin fighting back, finding ways to justify your fears, fooling you into thinking the layer of ego you found is true and necessary to hang on to. So if you’re going to try to come up with your own process, you will have to find a way to get it out of your head, establishing some physical distance between you and what you are looking at.
Who knows? You might, indeed, come up with a new process that can benefit others as well as you scout a new path across the Rockies. Then you can write a book about it! Meanwhile, the processes from Robert Scheinfeld and Jed McKenna now have proven track records, so we know they work; and that’s saying something. In just two years, I have seen the kind of results using this combination of Robert’s Process and Jed’s spiritual autolysis that many people spend lifetimes in meditation and visualization and still never achieve. As they say in some 12-Step programs, it works if you work it, and it’s worth it.
** *

** *
If you apply yourself diligently and faithfully to whatever workable process you choose, I can tell you where you will end up.
You will drop all judgments of everyone and everything. You will see nothing any more as “good” or “bad,” “better” or “worse,” “right” or “wrong,” “good” or “evil.”
You will let go of all the beliefs you ever held, including the belief of who you thought you were.
Your opinions will cease to exist and not be replaced.
You will eliminate fear from your life, including the fear of death and non-existence, knowing everything is perfect exactly the way it is and there is never anything to be afraid of.
In short, you will become...
...nothing – a fully realized no-self,11 as others have called it – nothing but joy and appreciation and serenity of being.
Truly I have attained nothing from total enlightenment,” said the Buddha.
A butterfly is nothing; and like the butterfly, you will finally be free – free of judgments and beliefs and opinions and false knowledge and ego attachments; free of drama and conflict and pain and suffering; “free to fly, fly away, high away, bye bye.”

Monday, February 17, 2014

what an authentic being looks and feels like

I highly encourage you to watch this five minute clip. Here is an authentic, real, alive being sharing his joy in the moment. WOWOWOWOW this is where we headed:   Cached

Sunday, February 16, 2014

say yes

While I wildly disagree with part of the Ebook Butterflies are Free to Fly, other parts are very interesting and provocin and helping me catch miscellaneous beliefs and opinions that limit me. I loved reading these exercises and think they are quite valuable. I use to name this post "SAY YES TO LOVE" which, in other words, would be simply "SAY YES," say yes to what is merely because it IS and to say no cause resistance, hence suffering. Give them a try if you are ready to dive into freedom.

"There were three particular exercises I used the most and highly recommend for you as well. The first is to take one day – just twenty-four hours – and do nothing that doesn’t excite you to do. No “must do’s,” no “have to do’s,” no “should do’s.” You are allowed to do only what you want to do and brings you joy. You might find it’s not as easy as it sounds. After all, we have a lot of habits hanging over from our days in the first half of the Game – beliefs that might pop up in the process. But just remind yourself it’s an experiment for a day and nothing more and see what happens. For example, see if your Infinite I gives you a sign or rewards you in some special way, just to let you know it works, and will work for you as well.
The second exercise is, again, to take just twenty-four hours and not try to do anything to “make something happen,” but to only react and respond to the experiences you encounter, that come to you. No goals, no agendas, no objectives. No thinking you have to do anything at all to make things happen in life. Simply react and respond to the experiences your Infinite I creates for you and see what kind of experiences you get, and whether they bring you more joy and happiness than you’re used to.
The third exercise is my favorite. For one day – just twenty-four hours – the participants in my workshops were only allowed to say “Yes” to whatever appeared in their hologram. They had to take the word “No” out of their vocabulary and just say “Yes” to everything that came their way. After all, if our Infinite I is creating each and every experience we have, down to the smallest detail, why not simply say “Yes” to whatever it creates and see what happens?!
You can’t imagine the resistance I encountered....
What if someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do?” “You say ‘Yes’ and do it.” “But what if someone else tries to take advantage of me, knowing I can only say
‘Yes,’?” “That’s another fear you’ll have to face.” “But what if it’s illegal or immoral?
...and the objections went on and on, all based on fear and judgment; and of course, that was the whole point, exposing these fears and judgments for them to see – that, and giving the participants the experience of saying “Yes” and realizing they could trust their Infinite I and the experiences it would create for them."


So many people live their lives in an attempt to please others. They don't rock the boat, they put everyone else's wishes above their own, and do everything they can to avoid upsetting others. They try to ensure other people's happiness through their actions. While we know this comes from a place that seeks love and acceptance, it is doomed to fail. Let us tell you why.

The idea that you can make another person happy is completely faulty. You may temporarily please another, but if they are dependant upon you for their emotional state, they will never find happiness because happiness cannot be found from an external. Happiness must come from within. Because they are looking to an external to make them whole, and that will never, ever work, they will come to resent you for not being able to make them happy. You will find you will have to perform greater and greater feats to try to please them, which will only lead to your own exhaustion and resentment, and ultimate disappointment.

The most loving thing you can do for another is to make them be responsible for their own emotional state. The most loving thing you can do for yourself is to keep other people responsible for their own emotional state, and to be responsible for your own. To find the happiness you seek, you must have the courage to live according to what is right for you, and encourage others to do the same, and to accept and honour all choices, secure in the knowledge that each person is the expert of their own path. ~Archangel Gabriel


Mandela Sculpture 
Fifty rods of steel, symbolizing prison bars, so people will never forget the years Mandela was imprisoned.  The remarkable thing about this artwork is that it is only when you stand at a certain distance (which is marked) that you see him.

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Saturday, February 15, 2014

letting go of needing money

I am so loving the butterflies are free Ebook. So loving what he says about money as I have been awakening to how this is my experience and is helping free me of money worries. It is how I have lived and had an experientially very abundant life. Time for me to finally fully trust it.

This is the belief that currently is most bogging me down so I am playing with it, wondering how it will disappear
 ~ Every time I spend money, my supply of money decreases

Ebook chapter 30

Question: You must be rich to be having all the experiences you talk about – sailing, traveling around Europe, scuba diving and stuff. How do you make money?
Answer: As I write these words, I have exactly $20 to my name, total assets. I don’t think that qualifies for “rich.” But I’ve already said I never worry about money at all, which is one of the reasons I can give this book away for free on the Internet.
It’s more than that, really. It’s that I have an unlimited supply of money to have whatever holographic experience comes up for me in each moment; and so do you, although you don’t realize it yet.
But I don’t “make money.” No one makes money. We only think we do. That’s part of the illusion inside the movie theater.
I realize money is one of the biggest issues for most people. They can’t get enough of it; they can’t keep what they’ve got; and they have tried everything to change that situation with very little success.
Worse than that, actually, they have been promised there is a “secret” to “attracting” money; but they follow the steps religiously and it doesn’t work. So they blame themselves for not doing the “magic” just right. As one student told me, “I’ve tried to use The Secret and the ‘Law of Attraction’ and other self-help techniques to manifest money, but they didn’t work. I’m still broke, so there must be something wrong with me, or I must be doing something wrong.”
Here’s the real secret: The problem is not the person – not you; it’s the “magic” that doesn’t work most of the time for most people. It’s that we have developed this false knowledge about money and where it comes from while inside the movie theater, and it’s time to find out how money really works in a holographic universe.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Tuesday, February 11, 2014


I just found this delicious post and found it delightful, hysterically funny and accurate. So, so love it, check it out: 

Monday, February 10, 2014

Olympics for consciousness? being second best

I use to wish there could be an Olympics or Academy Award for consciousness. It would be wonderful to receive that recognition I thought. Now I know differently. It would just feed ego, the need for external validation or approval. I just watched a clip about a speed-skater that was a gold medalist for one second until he found out there was a computer error and he was really second. He went from incredibly elated to totally crushed. Anybody else see anything wrong with being crushed because you are second best in the world? So we gorgeous way-showers will just have to go about our business quietly, without external validation or accolades. I use to love the Olympics yet now this winning at any price and feeling devastated to "only" be second is shifting my feelings. It is delicious to do one's best yet crazy to me to have it be devastating to not win "gold." This no longer sits right. I still love seeing the talent, the artistry, the commitment yet would enjoy it more to see everyone celebrating doing their best, regardless of outcome. 

Sunday, February 9, 2014


It is pouring rain after a record 50 days without a drop. I have heard of numerous groups, circles, shamans, visiting Tibetan monks, fire gatherings all envisioning rain. The power of the collective to institute change, I'm just saying...

true happiness


Saturday, February 8, 2014

Return: the innocence and vulnerability of a child

I had an experience at the beginning of the week that rocked my world and am finally able to articulate it somewhat. As those who have had revelatory experiences know, they can never really be put into words as they are formless and mysterious yet here is the closest approximation I can give. Sunday was a very rough day with my old issue of not being lovable, loved rose for another release. At the same time I felt this innocent child peeking out at me. Then Monday I was Skyping with my beloved friend Ushchi when the child came out in full force. I finally understood what all the mystics always say, that this is the journey of no distance, returning to where we began rather than arriving in a new place. I RETURNED TO MYSELF BEFORE I WAS WOUNDED, BEFORE I FELT THE NEED FOR PROTECTION, BEFORE I HAD STARTED TURNING COLD AND GUARDED.  I FELT MYSELF BACK WHERE I HAD STARTED FROM, WITH THE FULL INNOCENCE OF MYSELF AS A  CHILD, PRIOR TO CONDITIONING HAD SHUT ME OFF FROM MY TRUE SELF YET WITH THE WISDOM AND MATURITY OF AN ADULT. I cannot even begin to articulate the purity of emotion that flooded my being, the gratitude, the sense of homecoming and joy. It was completely different from the numerous times I have reverted to being a child in order to heal a wound at the point of inception. I once stood in a room of over 200 people, at the very back with my eyes locked on my beloved teacher Mary's eyes (University of Santa Monica) and began speaking in my voice as a five year old, telling her how unsafe I felt, how afraid. I have no idea how long the interchange lasted. I only know that when I came out of it, I once again was aware of the crowded room and the hushed and respectful silence, of the looks of love and appreciation flooding over me from the other students, to which I sadly reacted  with a bit of shame and a desire to hide. This was completely different. I was mySelf, vulnerable, free, delighted with my own being. I was innocent, as though everything that had shut me down had never happened and I had no memory or sense of all the pain, anguish and endless releasing. I was Home. I have had the sense of homecoming numerous times in the last years yet it was always a return to a place that felt familiar yet was outside of me. This was an internal restoration to MYSELF and it was so tender and dear. Tears streamed down my eyes in wonder. Ah dear friends, I cannot tell you of the joy that sprung into an instantaneous garden of beauty and aliveness. I regret my inability to even begin to find a way of conveying that feeling state. I so wish I could have the feeling tone of it jump off the page so that you too could feel it and know it is worth it to keep stumbling through these challenging times knowing the return is a priceless prize worth knowing as our ultimate destiny.
Fascinatingly I then heard from a friend that she had just written about a similar experience and I found that Lauren at had just posted a poem from Michael Jackson that made it clear me that he had known this place more frequently and intimately than I have as of yet. Another woman on the site had also had a similar experience so it is clear the magic is in the air. Keep the faith my loves, the end is certain, returning to the place we have never truly left and knowing ourselves as precious beyond measure, as Home.

Magical Child
by Michael Jackson

Once there was a child and he was free
Deep inside, he felt the laughter
The mirth and play of nature’s glee
Beauty, love was all he’d see

He knew his power was the power of God
He was so sure, they considered him odd
This power of innocence, of compassion, of light
Threatened the priests and created a fight
In endless ways they sought to dismantle
This mysterious force which they could not handle

In endless ways they tried to destroy
His simple trust, his boundless joy
His invincible armor was a shield of bliss
Nothing could touch it, no venom, no hiss

The child remained in a state of grace
He wasn’t confined in time or place
In Technicolor dreams, he frolicked and played
While acting his part, in Eternity he stayed

Soothsayers came and fortunes were told
Some were vehement, others were bold
In denouncing this child, this perplexing creature
With the rest of the world he shared no feature
IS he real?He is so strange
His unpredictable nature knows no range
He puzzles us so, is he straight?
What’s his destiny?What’s his fate?

And while they whispered and conspired
Through endless rumors to get him tired
To kill his wonder, trample him near
Burn his courage, fuel his fear
The child remained just simpel, sincere

All he wanted was the mountain high
Color the clouds, paint the sky
Beyond these boundaries, he wanted to fly
In nature’s scheme, never to die

Don’t stop this child, he’s the father of man
Don’t cross his way, he’s part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You’ve just forgotten, just lost the clue

Inside your heart sits a Seer
Between his thoughts, he can hear
A melody simple but wondrously clear
The music of life, so precious, so dear

If you could for one moment know
This spark of creation, this exquisite glow
You would come and dance with me
Kindle this fire so we could see
All the children of the Earth
Wave their magic and give new birth
To a world of freedom with no pain
A world of joy, much more sane

Deep inside, you know it’s true
Just find that child, it’s hiding in you.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

don't surrender your loneliness so quickly






Monday, February 3, 2014

you are abundance

The Mystic’s Message

by Ray Rolando

Do you ever feel like you are not abundant or that financial means, for example, escapes you? It does so because you are allowing yourself to be the opposite of abundant. In other words, YOU are putting the brakes on FLOW. And when you do so, you instead are hoarding the energy of lack and “insufficient-ness”. By hoarding, that is to say “holding onto” the very things you would prefer to let go of. You just don’t realize in the moment that this is what you are doing.
Many of us come from backgrounds where loved ones operated form a space of fear as a method to control. They did so because they didn’t have the tools that you have been graced with to cope with life’s difficulties. Many times, those difficulties showed up as financial lack, needing to work multiple jobs to put food on the table, etc. This eventually led to outbursts by our parents based on frustrations from trying to “earn” a modest living for their families. In turn, this led to guilt in us. How? Well, when you were playing and laughing and experiencing being a child, perhaps their woes were overcome by the laughter, pure joy, etc. Their frustration led to these outbursts, and then you learned to feel shameful when BEING LOVE with your siblings, friends, cousins, etc. So you learned to BE GUILT, SHAME, and UNWORTHINESS.
Well it’s time to learn to BE ABUNDANCE!
Shake off the guilt. It wasn’t yours, but you created it. The great news, though, about your creations and manifestations, is that you can dis-create them or, even better, to instead create anew from here. If you have learned anything the last few years, you have learned that the Universe is vastly abundant in ways you never thought possible. You have already been teaching yourself new ways of thinking and being. Now, for this final piece… to experience abundance, specifically financial abundance, you need to be it. Yes! BE ABUNDANCE! How? By acting as though you already have it. But it’s not an act, see. When you are truly understanding in your heart the ways of the Universe, you are never lacking. You always have what you need in ALL ways. You always did and you always will. You have just forgotten what it feels like because you learned OVER those layers of abundance with the guilt and non-worthiness. So, it’s time to peel them away. And you are SO CLOSE!!! You’re right there actually… less than a dollar bill away from you! Ha ha! So grab it! Don’t reach for it… but grab it when it shows up from your actions of being it!!!
With so much love in my heart for you,

breaking the trance of fear


The last days have not been the most gentle. Predawn waking finally ended two nights ago after about 10 days of disruption. My forward movement feels like it has come to a grinding halt, at least action wise. Back to releasing, purifying mode with yesterday being a doozer. A slow build up led to yesterday waking up in fear and carrying it off and on for the day. It was one of my old rules/beliefs trying to convince me I was unloved, alone, unappreciated, etc. I was really falling for it despite numerous attempts to get myself free. I twisted and turned, tried to fully allow, drank a cappuccino (my 8th for this week-that one was out the door for me) and generally stewed in my own juices. I was powerfully entrenched in a limiting story and boy did it feel real. None of my usual bag of tools could break the trance fear had me locked into. Finally the universe took pity on me and provided the antidote. When I woke up out of the stupefied state, it was as though awaking from a nightmare. I didn't judge it yet I wondered how I could have been so dazed and confused. I just read we had 7 M-class solar flares and 3 coronal mass ejections. Yup, that will do it.

What it brought up for me was an awareness of my mistrust/fear of "God" as a carryover from my Catholic indoctrination into sin and fear. I didn't trust the Universe/God as I was taught He was a punishing tyrant who had his finger pointed at my potentially evil heart, ready to smite me at the first sign of sin. No wonder trust don't come so easy. So I am using one of Matt Kahn's techniques to erase the old soul agreement and update my "rules" to the truth. I am adored, always supported, abundant, loved. What is occurring is not a punishment, it is a loving hand pointing our where I have diminished and restricted myself, highlighting my limiting beliefs and rules. It is done out of love, with a deeply cherishing and adoring energy of compassion so that I may realize my most heartfelt desire to awaken to my true nature. Oh yea, yesterday I was singing a different tune. Today I am resting in the hands of God/Universe, knowing I am adored, safe, protected, on track, as are you my Beloved.