Monday, February 3, 2014

breaking the trance of fear


The last days have not been the most gentle. Predawn waking finally ended two nights ago after about 10 days of disruption. My forward movement feels like it has come to a grinding halt, at least action wise. Back to releasing, purifying mode with yesterday being a doozer. A slow build up led to yesterday waking up in fear and carrying it off and on for the day. It was one of my old rules/beliefs trying to convince me I was unloved, alone, unappreciated, etc. I was really falling for it despite numerous attempts to get myself free. I twisted and turned, tried to fully allow, drank a cappuccino (my 8th for this week-that one was out the door for me) and generally stewed in my own juices. I was powerfully entrenched in a limiting story and boy did it feel real. None of my usual bag of tools could break the trance fear had me locked into. Finally the universe took pity on me and provided the antidote. When I woke up out of the stupefied state, it was as though awaking from a nightmare. I didn't judge it yet I wondered how I could have been so dazed and confused. I just read we had 7 M-class solar flares and 3 coronal mass ejections. Yup, that will do it.

What it brought up for me was an awareness of my mistrust/fear of "God" as a carryover from my Catholic indoctrination into sin and fear. I didn't trust the Universe/God as I was taught He was a punishing tyrant who had his finger pointed at my potentially evil heart, ready to smite me at the first sign of sin. No wonder trust don't come so easy. So I am using one of Matt Kahn's techniques to erase the old soul agreement and update my "rules" to the truth. I am adored, always supported, abundant, loved. What is occurring is not a punishment, it is a loving hand pointing our where I have diminished and restricted myself, highlighting my limiting beliefs and rules. It is done out of love, with a deeply cherishing and adoring energy of compassion so that I may realize my most heartfelt desire to awaken to my true nature. Oh yea, yesterday I was singing a different tune. Today I am resting in the hands of God/Universe, knowing I am adored, safe, protected, on track, as are you my Beloved.


  1. Yes, all that solar activity was a doozy! I, too, wondered what was going on until I read the Oracle Report the day after! Sometimes it's a damn nuisance being a sensitive, isn't it??


  2. Holy Cow, Still getting pummeled, what a freakin ride! Still wondering around like the walking dead, so tired! My brain is very scrambled. Hang in there.
    love savannah