Friday, August 31, 2012

embracing the shadow

Three days ago I got the intuitive hit to create a doll to symbolize anxiety and physically indicate a complete shift in the way I choose to hold  that huge part of my shadow in a  new 5th dimensional way. I wasted no time and went out the next day to buy supplies. I am still recovering from the intense shift that occurred from Wednesday to Thursday so will borrow my own post on another site to describe the process. I am continuing to be amazed at the life altering opening this has created within me. Such tears of joy yesterday. I sense I have passed through a very momentous transformative vortex. Still regrouping. I am also passing on a quote I came upon that brought more tears to my eyes and describes all the miraculous syncrocnities that have occurred in the last days:

"the love you have is equal to the love you give"

One example of the miracles unfolding is that the old 3D pattern of not being able to wake my daughter for school has shifted to us leaving the house this morning at 7am, getting to town early enough to enjoy ourselves at a coffeehouse for half an hour before breezing into school 15 minutes early!!!

My notes on the doll: 

I spent the evening making an anxiety doll with some help from the kid. I decided to make a doll for anxiety- the fabric makes me anxious just to look at it! Then I am creating a pouch to put her in that is serene and beautiful-looks like a Van Gogh- and a gorgeous garden y looking strap. The doll has wild, snaky hair. My intent is to welcome, appreciate and hold anxiety in a totally new way. I see how my rejecting this aspect of myself that has been around of most of my life is very self rejecting. I am no longer willing to make that part of me wrong. So when that feeling comes up, I intend to get my doll out, put her in her pouch and carry her with compassion and tenderness. No more rejection and horrified upset when anxiety arises. What a shift for me- no longer willing to make any part of me my enemy. I have been grieving how much I have shunned this part that has brought me so many gifts of healing- always my major motivation for transformation. Like I have been kicking a faithful dog- over and done. 

I have felt zero anxiety since I began this process. It feels as though an ancient wound is being brought back to wholeness. Let's see what unfolds. Still fogged from all the momentous shifts.

Just found this post which incorporates elements of what I have been doing to shift realities and adds much more dimension to it:

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

the secret is YOU

Just encountered this sweet, uplifting post with a 3 step secret to joy- sounds good to me:

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcoming anxiety

I had a huge awareness pop in yesterday. The last few weeks I have been plagued by almost unremitting anxiety. This has been uncomfortable to say the least. Some moments felt almost intolerable. I was tearing at the dry skin around my fingernails and on one heel. Sleep was iffy. A  rash broke out on my back. So obviously somehow I was off course yet I could not find a way to be with this tension, find any sense of direction with this challenge. Everything became difficult. My newly found order went out the window, I became non productive again.
I prayed for direction and did my best to allow the anxiety to be as it was- to feel it without a story. Yet I became more and more bogged down in future negative fantasies of how I could not take it anymore. It became more and more unpleasant.
Yesterday I had the impulse to scan through the internet to various site I have looked at in the past and I came across this:

and then I jumped to this:

There was an exercise to do and I did it half heartedly- throw all my charges, sources of negative energy in a box, then see if one of them jumped out at me. Anxiety screamed at me. I was to take it out of the box, hold it and look at it, then welcome it! Welcome it- are you kidding me! welcome my arch enemy, the field that has robbed me of so much of my life force, so much of my life, held me down and back in so many ways?!?!? In that moment I clearly felt how much resistance I had to anxiety, how I had rarely truly allowed it, rather I had given pretense to allowing it in the hopes I could finally be rid of it. Tears streamed down my cheeks as my heart opened and I truly, truly welcomed and embraced it. Instantly the tension left my body and I felt a flood of warmth and an amazing bath of peace and calm. I suddenly became aware of all the gifts anxiety has brought me, how it has been my prime motivation for so much healing and transformation. I felt genuine gratitude and acceptance. It was a miraculous shift and I felt tremendous relief.
Yet rather quickly anxiety began to creep back in with it's freezing fingers curling around my lower spine. Again my breath became shallow and fear began to narrow my vision. I felt almost paralyzed. I had to force myself to move and went to my Way of Mastery class where I received the second answer to my prayers. It was decided to listen to questions and answers rather than read the text and I felt a mild annoyance yet breathed deeply and accepted this new protocol for the evening. It was mildly helpful until one question and answer galvanized me. I can't remember it exactly yet the answer was how we are responding to an old challenge and charge with the same old energy we had greeted it with in the past, the same resistance and fear. In such situations we are not allowing our current awareness and transformation to respond to this old pattern in a new way, rather we are locked into the past. This had me sitting up straight as I recognized how absolutely accurate that was for me. Until now, when anxiety arose I had fought it with all my might, falling into a deep well of fear and panic, an "oh shit, not this again" reaction. The bell of clarity was ringing. My mentor confirmed that the secret is in the true welcoming and embracing. I had been fooling myself that my reluctant allowing would create a shift. I had the physical experience of the difference between that type of allowing and the sincere embrace I had experienced hours earlier. Voila, the answer.
I again felt anxiety this morning and did not want to get up. Again I felt parayzed. But this time I respond differently. I laid on my hammock and tenderly looked at anxiety. I reviewed the numerous gifts I have received, how it has constantly motivated me to dig deeper, learn and release more, take courses and workshops that have changed my life. Really, it is the reason I became a therapist- the wounded healer. I had tears of genuine gratitude in my eyes. I thanked my ego and anxiety for doing their absolute best to protect me, especially as a child when I was truly defenseless. I did a technique called Neural Linguistic Reprogramming where I thanked anxiety for all it's gifts and asked it if it was willing to receive a promotion. I recognized it's intent to keep me safe by warning me of perceived danger. Anxiety has graciously agreed to this promotion, to becoming Presence to alert me when I stray off course, when I forget my own magnificence and limitless power. I feel a sense of harmony and peace in this moment. I am intending to be at peace with anxiety should it choose to reappear. I see I can embrace it in a new way. I see I can kiss the lion, passing through this ring of fear, knowing it for the illusion it is. I sense I have not yet reached 100% surrender yet I know I have had a big shift. I am grateful to my friend anxiety for the tender care it has provided me all my life, cherishing me and desiring to keep me safe. Thank you dear friend. I wish to publicly acknowledge you for all you have brought to me. May our new relationship flourish as you become Presence in my life.

Monday, August 27, 2012

magic wand

Friday I had a good day and here's what I realized- these are unedited comments I made on a different site to give you (and remind me) of what is possible when our minds are focused on what we desire:

I am really getting the importance of focusing on what I desire not what I don't. First day driving to school and I had already noticed how much I was focusing on THE PROBLEM of not being able to wake my daughter and/or being late. So switched focus- still was last minute thing with her getting up 9 minutes before departure yet I stayed calm! Then i was concerned about being on time and a car was crawling way below the speed limit- it is a 25 minute drive at best- the school switched locations AFTER we bought our house. I actually passed in a no passing ( no passing is allowed for the entire trip.) Then later another car got in front crawling again. Again I focused on being late until I caught it and changed my mind!!! WIthin a second of focusing on us sailing in calmly right on time, the car speed up to the speed limit! We ended up a minute late but I think she'll be fine.

After that and after something I read I decided to experiment. I was forced into the wrong lane of a double turn lane yet focused on easily getting to be able to get on the freeway and a space opened up miraculously for me to get over! I wanted to pay a certain amount for school supplies and we were $3 over and someone just handed me a $5 coupon, etc etc. It is like magic and getting pretty fun. That I could stay calm with this school situation is such a major shift for me I feel like I climbed mount Everest.

Yes, experienced it over and over today. We were going to a reservoir for swimming at 6000 feet- basically last chance as nights getting cold at that altitude and therefore water too cold for swimming- my daughter's friend sick at last minute unable to go. First I felt a moment of upset then packed up anyway and saw us going- literally at last second someone joined us. Then logging trucks crawling up mountain, they seldom move over. First again felt tense as would greatly lengthen trip, then saw them pulling over immediately and three of them (which was all of them) did! Then somehow I was able to swim for about an hour in the pristine water without getting too cold!

listening to Sophia

This interview was so significant for me I decided to post it seperately. It helped me really get how I have not yet connected to a limitless source of wisdom and power- Gaia herself.
I do speak to the land on which I live, sit on it sometimes, gift it with flower petals and so on. Yet I have not heard the spirit of my land (realizing more and more it is not MINE, I am just gifted to care for it now) truly speak to me. This interview makes me commit to finding the voice of this land. I felt very inspired. I remember the first time I was snorkeling, then scuba diving years ago being amazed there was this whole world always present yet completely out of my consciousness- a world of mysterious beauty, unexpected crackling sounds and such magic and I had been completely unaware of it! I am quite sure the same is true of my current inability to hear the land I am honored to have stewardship of. If anyone has any resources that would support me in connecting more deeply, please let me know.

Also I just found this and it seems to explain the sudden intensity that burst into my world a few weeks ago: 

Sunday, August 26, 2012

big waves- anxiety, control, self-doubt

OMG, the waves are pretty big lately. How have you been doing? Many people, myself included are getting tumbled in the big waves. My healer told me this is the most intensity he has witnessed in his 28 years of practice. So we all have massive opportunities to release anything that is no longer serving us. Yes, I know it is not always pleasant. A few days ago I was so awash in self doubt I thought of resurrecting my old class I taught Self Love is not for Wimps! It was my worst case of self doubt in years- I was a terrible parent, lousy human being etc. And boy did I believe it hook, line and sinker- OUCH! For the last few weeks I have had wave after wave of anxiety around the theme of loss of control. OUCH again. Symptoms- poor sleep, tension, body feeling squeezed, heaviness, inability to act, chaos and disorder. I mention this in case you to are being challenged. My wasband is being affected in the same way yet a few of my friends are sailing through- depends on one's ability to flow without grasping.

Suggestions if you are uncomfortable:

-minimize any unnecessary stimulation
-spend time in nature
-allow your feelings to be what they are, allow it deeply in the body
-whisper sweet nothings to yourself
-rest as much as possible
-be creative
-question the reality of your fears ESPECIALLY when they seem SO real
-focus on what you desire NOT what you don't want

To bring awareness to your thoughts you can try writing down any thought that you do not want to appear in your life- if you don't want it, write it down then burn or tear up the list. Remember, every thought you think is like ordering from a restaurant- is this thought one you'd like delivered to your table? If not, throw it away. Or you can say deflect or cancel to any thought you do not want to appear in your reality.
Then write down in great detail what you do desire. Bring it alive with feeling. Read it as many times as you like. Luxuriate in FEELING yourself living that life. It is the feelings that magnetize the experience to us.

Beloveds, trust and keep the faith as we wind through to the end of the year. KNOW you are never alone. Big kiss and hug, savannah

Thursday, August 23, 2012

wise old owls

Even though I have had amazing breakthroughs with my school challenge, I woke up feeling anxious- again. Since anxiety has been my greatest teacher and one of the most feared elements in my life, this does not thrill me. Yet it makes me even more vigilant in my thoughts, words, actions. I know it is harder for me to maintain balance when anxiety is in my body so I will be extremely vigilant. Yes, I absolutely know it is assisting me in letting go of control yet the experience is far from comfortable. Reading todays oracle report explained to me exactly what I am feeling so I include it here. Stay centered, ground as much as possible- be in nature if you can. Do your best to stay focused on what you desire rather than the opposite. Stay vigilant of your true nature- remember you are magnificent!

I end with my mantra for myself this year: limitless power dancing unity.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

are we magnificent?

I felt such a wave of terror take me over yesterday morning. I felt totally inadequate and questioned much of my life- that I was a terrible parent, that I had done very little with my life, that I had wasted so much time, that I felt clueless how to support my daughter. I realized later several things were going on. I was stuck in the past dynamic of school, I was thinking really stinky thoughts about it and I was trying to prevent my daughter from being human. I have/had the belief that if I could just do enough, I could prevent her from losing her memory of her own magnificence, her own Soul. I held myself responsible for her suffering, basically for her being human. I wanted to prevent her from experiencing any karma or certainly any wounds from my unconsciousness. Good luck! I admire and have empathy for my good intentions yet I was creating suffering for both of us.
I do feel deeply committed now to making changes in an education system that supports a number of our children in losing sight of their own worthiness by putting them in an impossible situation. Specially, in my daughter's case, right brain dominate children can not learn in a left brain dominate envirnment. While my daughter's school has both, it still remains primarily focused on left brain skills. This is all too simplistic to explain what is really going on but I want to keep it short. I no longer can agree with blindly placing my daughter in a situation where she learns to doubt herself. Yet I see so many children with other challenges lose themselves in school. I can not agree with this either. Waldorf is the best alternative I have found yet there are still many areas that do not fully support the whole child. There are so many dedicated teachers and parents and we are still falling short. There is definite room for improvement and I intend to be a part of that change as best I can.
Yet I see the blessing in this too. It is forcing me to surrender and trust or suffer greatly. There is no way my puny ego can resolve this so I must tap into my own Soul/spirit to have a chance at resolution. I must have faith that my Love for my daughter is making a difference- this is what I doubted yesterday. My wasband kindly jumped in to my nightmare and reassured me that it was his mother's love that saved him from sinking to deeply into the huge challenges of his childhood. That did help me pull out of my downward dive. Yet I was still uneasy.
I woke up this morning with another peace of the puzzle. I had forgotten both of our magnificence- do I truly believe we are a piece of God, unlimited, pure Love, powerful beyond measure or not? If I do, then I must release my sense of limitation in both of us. I must stop believing the education system can sink either of our Souls. I had joined in seeing my daughter as limited, as incapable of thriving despite these challenges. To say this is not helpful is an understatement. I must clear my vision and see both of us as magnificent, as unlimited, as pure Love. To do anything else is a disservice. So I have my marching orders. Time to clean my glasses and see with new eyes. I have to admit this feels a little (HEM HAW), O.K. more than a little challenging. If any of you have any energy to spare, I'd sure appreciate your sending some my way. I am off to school to register today for school tomorrow. I choose to KNOW I do not go alone rather I go supported by a legion of higher energies, angels, guides and teachers. And so it is.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Jim Self on 3rd/ 4th/ 5th dimension

more on ascension symptoms

Awareness of ascension symptoms seems to be very helpful. I myself am caught in a wave of fear and doing my best to see the insubstantiality of it, knowing it is just something I must release, that my mind is believing illusion and paying the price for that, that my body is faithfully reporting to me what my mind believes with resultant discomfort. I must be careful not to make myself wrong for this temporary situation, I must allow and even bless it, knowing it is releasing all that no longer serves me. Again, resistance is futile. I must feel it and let it pass through without buying into the story. I am aware that despite some lovely experiences in my world, I can not really take them in or enjoy them when caught in fear. I have been surrounded by loving energy yet feel it from a distance. I must allow this sadness and grief at my inability to be Present. I have felt both relieved and jealous that some of my friends seem to be resting fairly continuously in an uplifted, joyful energy. Wherever you are on the spectrum, my loving thoughts go with you. Below are the morning blessings with further support from:

To give you some wisdom assistance getting over the hump of 2012 I've compiled a
 "part 2" of ascension symptoms that may be impacting some of you. Some these 
may have already passed for some of you, or perhaps never occurred at all.
No sense of place: It is very common to have this feeling during or right after 
a substantial upgrade or shift in energies. We receive an internal shake-up when
 we are catapulted to a new level of vibration, and the outside reality no 
fits us. We can thus feel that we no longer belong anywhere, cannot relate to 
or anything, feel quite alone, and nothing much feels good to us anymore. I have
 listed some comforts for this symptom further along in this energy read.
A need to eat often with what feels like low blood sugar attacks, or simply 
to gorge on food: When we are re-aligning within and morphing, our bodies can 
take a hit and require more energy than normal. Protein is the key here. During 
these times I have to eat every two hours and this includes a healthy dose of 
The gorging or wanting to fill up is a different thing. With so much loss 
along with losing much of who we thought we were, we can at times have a desire 
to fill up somehow. This can manifest as wanting to eat large amounts of food 
wanting to really feel full.
Craving anything "new":After we move ahead to a higher vibrating "level" or 
it can feel uncomfortable to be in anything "old." For those who are highly 
this can manifest as severe discomfort and an almost gagging or repulsion for 
which existed before. It is in our wiring . . . we are being encouraged to move 
ahead into the new, or rather can no longer tolerate the lower vibrations or 
of the past. We have been rewired and are now vibrating within a new space and 
Becoming easily overloaded and overwhelmed:With newer energies in place, much 
been dislodged and relocated to a new residency. Much pushing then is occurring.
 This can cause feelings of hyperventilation, squeezing, headaches, and an 
feeling of stress. With so much going on within and without, we can easily 
overloaded. Rest is vitally important now, as well as saying "no" to much and 
willing to stay simple. Resting and making things simple can often be the 
that saves you from panic and anxiety when feeling like "things are too much".
Forgetting where you are and losing your place: Many times when I am walking the
 vast expanses of the Atlantic shoreline, I can forget where I am, who I am, or 
what reality I am in. This can occur at other times as well when we begin to 
higher. It is as if we are not connected to anything at times, and are thus 
out there in a space which gives us the opportunity to create whatever we 
As we vibrate higher, we hold onto much less. Energy is in and out, very quickly
 and moves very fast without clinging or holding on. Anything not being held in 
our consciousness will simply cease to exist. Getting used to this can be scary 
or at best confusing, but it can also allow us to create fresh and new at any 
Tools for Comfort: When we go through a substantial shift into a higher 
it can really wreak havoc on much of everything within and without. In this 
it can greatly help if you can find ways to stay connected to the higher 
energies, as so much else is falling away. During such times we need to feel 
again, and connecting to higher ways of being and living can greatly soothe us. 
Below are some remedies which I have found to be very helpful.
Stay in your creativity as much as possible. In the higher realms, creativity is
 what it is all about. Thus, creativity always carries a high vibration no 
what dimension we are residing in. For me, painting, writing, gardening, 
and creating any DIY project (do it yourself) immediately takes me into a 
space and I feel wonderful and connected again. It also serves to get negative 
out of the way, as well as our ego selves!
Be in the company of as many little ones as possible. Our little ones naturally 
carry a higher vibration and we can easily feel oh so connected once again. We 
them and they see us. They match us so much more closely than much of anything 
My 5 year old next door neighbor has saved me countless times during an 
shift. These little ones love us as much as we love them!
Get distracted and stay away from the news, the outside world if need be, and 
keep as busy as possible in your own world.  This past week while I was with my 
mom I had no TV, no internet, and spent almost all of our time playing cards, 
and eating. It was pure bliss. The only reality I was aware of was the reality 
a loving environment with my family.

Spend time in nature as much as possible. This can be tough right now, as even 
we are in nature, we can still pick up all the changing and disruptive energies.
 But the earth is ascending as our vehicle, and being around her energies can 
us as well. Her incredible sunsets, magnificent cloud formations, the smell of 
earth , and wildflowers abounding can make one feel as if they have arrived in 
Take a break and rest. If you are able to, take a day designated just for you. 
a trashy magazine, lay in bed all day, go for a walk, read a pleasurable book 
a self-help book!), tinker around the house, or just sit in the sun. Things will
 indeed begin to rev up for you again, if they have not yet begun to do so, so a
 time out now can really be what is needed.
Bond with your animal companions. They are a part of our individual community 
our family and it can feel wonderful to spend as much time with them as possible
 as a part of our whole.
Just stay away from what is crashing and re-aligning. . . or stay in your sacred
 space. Our sacred space, or what we have created, is very much in alignment 
who we are. Thus, we can feel secure, grounded, and just plain good when we are 
there. Staying home can feel best at times.
The ascension process is set to divinely prepare us for the higher realms 
on its own. It is a beautiful process that knows exactly what it is doing quite 
naturally. If we try to assist or interfere, to expedite it or make it happen by
 ourselves, we will only serve to open way too fast, create discomfort, jump 
of where we are and thus not be aligned, and perhaps make our loving 
care takers wonder what in the world we are doing as they are so lovingly 
the whole process!
Things will be settling down as our re-connections become more and more intact, 
and this is already happening now. And yes, everyone will begin to experience 
and new beginnings as we get re-structured, re-aligned, and settled into very 
spaces. Hope this helps those of you who have been asking . . . it can be 
to explain but I would imagine you get the drift.
Wishing you heaven in your heart, starlight in your soul, and miracles in your 
during these miraculous times,

Sunday, August 19, 2012

we are Home

I just read a quote in The Course in Miracles I did not remember. It said something like: you are home dreaming you are in exile. For some reason this struck me in a whole new way. So I realized it is like sitting in my own gorgeous mansion lamenting I am homeless. O.K., I get it conceptually but still fear arises. Again and again I feel at Home inside myself and then fear kicks me out. I get how I believe it is my body that is the store house of fear yet it is really my mind. I am passing through a ring of fear now, knowing conceptually it is illusion yet the feelings in my body make it more challenging to question. 
The start of the school year is bringing up the fear. I am catching my thoughts that it will be a nightmare. It comes down to the fact that my daughter is not controllable and I am questioning whether or not the answer is to bring in more force to control her. In some situation, yes, she needs to comply but when and how? Plus it seems mission impossible so that puts me in a bind plus makes me a “bad” parent according to society’s rules. We are talking small potatoes- not eating her vegetables, going to bed late, lots of media but not at my house too much, not keeping her room clean etc. Yet it comes up again and again and is often a battle- a battle I am tired of and questioning. I am clueless and it no longer feels good to try to control her. I question so much of the education system I am clueless in that area too. So I am just one unclear, fearful woman off and on lately. It forces me to fully understand I can not control anything actually so I better learn to surrender and trust, but REALLY, or continue to suffer. I realize I have surrendered control of my life yet feel compelled to continue to try to control her life because that’s what good parents do, right? She is watching a video now against my wishes and I am at a loss to know what to do. Consequences are meaningless to her and she takes them without batting an eye so that gets old. I can only intend to trust, keep my desire for Love and wholeness present and allow it to unfold as it does. Wish me luck. Sure wish I could see the mansion.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

church of love

Just received this from my friend Elizabeth- sounds good to me. I'm in!!! Want to join me? Thursday's energy was VERY difficult for me- felt my body would snap in half. Yet love reigns supreme and I chose to know all of this is in support of my fully remembering my essence as Love and I feel that intent grow ever more fully in my being. These words bring tears to my eyes as in this moment I feel so joined with all of you in love. I sit on my hammock and feel all of your presence surround me in a soothing bath of love. Kisses to you, my Beloveds.


The last of the Cathars was burnt by the Inquisition of the Roman Catholic Church at Montsegur, Languedoc, France in 1244, but they left this prophecy:
 that the Church of Love would be proclaimed in 1986. 

It has no fabric, only understanding.
It has no membership, save those who know they belong.
It has no rivals, because it is non-competitive.
It has no ambition, it seeks only to serve.
It knows no boundaries for nationalisms are unloving.
It is not of itself because it seeks to enrich all groups and religions.
It acknowledges all great Teachers of all the ages who have shown the Truth of Love.
Those who participate, practice the Truth of Love in all their beings.
There is no walk of life or nationality that is a barrier.  Those who are, know.
It seeks not to teach but to be and, by being, enrich.
It recognizes the whole planet as a Being of which we are a part.
It recognizes that the time has come for the supreme transmutation, the ultimate alchemical act of conscious change of the ego into a voluntary return to the whole.
It does not proclaim itself with a loud voice but in the subtle realms of loving.
It salutes all those in the past who have blazed the path but have paid the price.
It admits no hierarchy or structure, for no-one is greater than another.
Its members shall know each other by their deeds and being and by their eyes and by no other outward sign save the fraternal embrace.
Each one will dedicate their life to the silent loving of their neighbour and environment and the planet, while carrying out their task, however exalted or humble.
It recognizes the supremacy of the great idea which may only be accomplished if the human race practices the supremacy of Love.
It has no reward to offer either here or in the hereafter save that of the ineffable joy of being and loving.
Each shall seek to advance the cause of understanding, doing good by stealth and teaching only by example.
They shall heal their neighbour, their community and our Planet.
They shall know no fear and feel no shame and their witness shall prevail over all odds.
It has no secret, no arcanum, no initiation save that of true understanding of the power of Love and that, if we want it to be so, the world will change but only if we change ourselves first.


I am the fountain of Light
I am the Truth
I am all Consciousness
I am all Being
I am the spirit of Love, deep unconditional and forever
My gift to the Light which is around me is the spark of life
I carry it freely, generously, in purity of the Soul
And thus it shall be for ever and ever. 

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

vulnerability and miracles

Thank you to any of you that sent me energy- it worked!!! (see previous post) I used the energy I gathered to call the school and speak to her tutor. This for me was like walking into a den of lions- I was so scared. Yet I told her the truth, was absolutely vulnerable about my fear, my confusion, my doubt and uncertainty. I told her the proposed work for the summer had not been touched. I told her I did not believe it was in her best interest to do schoolwork this summer when my daughter needed a break from the pressure and what it triggers in her. I had been sending love ahead to the school, tutor and new teacher who is said to be very strict and not so warm and fuzzy. The tutor was so compassionate and understanding. I told her honestly that we would probably leave the school as I could not see my daughter in school 7 hours a day and then doing hours of homework each night and weekends. I said she needs time to recharge. I said how much my two hours a week with my health coach drains me because  I feel so incompetent and I could not have her under that kind of pressure day and night. Why do we think it is acceptable to pressure ourselves and others so much? There has to be another way. She proposed something I had never considered- that she could stay in this school without homework. I burst into tears and had to hangup. Why did it move me so much? Because it was the answer to my prayers, because I saw I am not alone, that powerful forces join me in working for the good of all. I saw my faith is justified, I saw the compassion of another person. I felt understood and supported instead of judged as I imagined would happen and has happened so many times before. I cried as a release of tension, I cried for all beings everywhere, especially children who suffer. I cried because I knew without a doubt that vulnerability is my strength and that miracles are daily faire when I join forces with the Divine and surrender without attachment or control. I can not begin to put into words how touched I was and am. Suffice it to say, I feel blessed and touched by magic. May miracles unfold in you lives, my beloveds.

all children are magnificent- a clarion call

I just talked to my beloved friend Uschi about something that is tearing at my heart. School starts next week and both my daughter and I are feeling fear and dread at the thought. I am completely changing my perspective on education, on how to best educate my daughter, on what is valuable. I am frightened because I don't feel in agreement with much of the education system. My daughter is in a Waldorf based school. We moved to this area to have her go there. And still it is so challenging and painful for her due to her learning differences. I have spoken to so many adults about the learning differences and how it affected their core self image, making them believe they were somehow stupid, inferior, defective etc. As I become more aware of this dynamic I experience deep, deep grief. I can not understand how we continue to push and shove our children to comply with the school system, often destroying our relationship with our children by forcing them to do what is expected, without compassion of understanding of why they are not complying, of what is going on for them. It is starting to feel like lemmings running mindlessly into the sea. I was given a parenting course by a respected teacher and it say categorically- force your child to do what is required, use punishment through the withholding of desired objects, experiences, freedom to make them comply and do not care or respond to how they feel about this!! This is becoming shocking to me. My daughter is at an excellent school yet there does not seem to be a deeper understanding of how to meet the needs of children who learn differently. More and more children are being born with a predominance of right brain activity yet all the education systems teach mostly to the left side of the brain. This left brain behavior has gotten us into a world of trouble as it favors dominance and force, power over. The beautiful gifts of children with a different orientation are either ignored or minimized. Their gifts begin to atrophy with neglect. I sometimes feel like David coming up agains  Goliath, how can I make a difference? How can I make a change? I have no answers, only questions and an unwillingness not to care about how my daughter feels. I care passionate. I can not "fight" the system, I recognize how dedicated and caring her teachers are. Yet my sense is they are simply unaware. I fought with my daughter for years, trying to force her to comply with school demands. I did so without true compassion or understanding, often with anger. No more. I do not agree. I am shocked at my own obliviousness and lack of compassion. Now that I see her pain more clearly, I want to stand up and be part of a solution to this dilemma. I want to have my voice be heard. I intend to join with all of you parents, students and teachers being adversely affected by a system that marginalize and shames children for which part of their brain is dominate, that has not gone to the trouble to fully understand their visual learning style and implement it in a mainstream way. I have no answers. I feel afraid and unclear. I don't want to be against anything, I am simply for the dignity, worth, magnificence of every child. I am asking if your are willing to join me energetically in holding for all children as schools around the world begin the school year. Interestingly enough while I was writing this a school friend of Ciela's called me and I asked her to join me in this prayer/intention and she agreed. Thanks Lucia! I had been waiting to get more clarity before writing about this but my friend Uschi sounded the clarion call and I have decided to move forward without clarity, with only love and deep compassion in my heart. Will you join me in calling forward an unexpected solution to this imbalance, this source of pain and grief, of lost self worth? If so, I extend my deepest gratitude. 

giving myself tender loving care

I am feeling called to post this journalling without editing,:
woke up today back in struggle. More than a week of above 100 degrees and now looks like we have 4 more days until it drops in the high 90's- by far the hottest summer since I moved down in elevation 3 years ago, probably will be a record heat. Plus lots of fires which today are resulting in very smoky conditions. Plus got long email about school, web site for daily homework, trip we are suppose to gear up 2 weeks after school starts. Finances not so wonderful blah blah blah. Yes, would love some tender loving care. It is not bad, not like I think I can't take it, not like it use to be where I was ready to throw in the towel, yet challenging after feeling so good for a while. I really get how much easier it is to feel emotionally good when my body feels good, less easy when body off. Plus for about a month or so, my class in Sacramento doesn't feel inspiring- use to be the center of my week. Saw how I wanted to power through and force myself to be cheerful and positive- yet really doesn't work. So I am allowing this to be as it is, holding myself tenderly since no one is here to do it for me. I did come home late last night to flowers and rose petals on my stairs from my wasband- now that is one incredible thing. I am guessing I may be the only woman on the planet to be so gifted by their wasband- what a sweetheart. For now, I will allow this pit in my stomach to be there and love myself tenderly through it.

Monday, August 13, 2012

August energies

Just watched this and found it quite useful- gives emphasis to the importance of staying centered, in balanced, resting, spending time alone in silence and nature, whenever possible- I am throwing in the nature part as I know it is soooo helpful.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

lion's gate- welcome to the 5th dimension

I am reading that we recently passed through the portal to the 5th dimension. This, combined with the turning point in July is giving us access to unlimited power to create. That's the good news/ bad news scenario- good if you have mastered your thoughts and beliefs otherwise not so much fun. I feel this powerfully in my body. For almost five days, I felt energized, normal, able to handle stimulation and noise like I have had not been able to since the start of the Galactic Wave of the Mayan calendar in 1999. I was in Roseville yesterday in 106 degree heat, shopping with big crowds and a pre-teen who's taste run very counter to mine with loud music playing in the background and I stayed calm! Now that is miracle territory. I remember in November 2011 I went to a museum in Sacramento and was so thrilled I could go into the city at all- let alone a crowded mall. So I feel in my body this shift and it gives me continued faith and courage that we will all pass through this portal into unlimited power to create. It feels sooo good. Unfortunately, when I slip back into control mode as I am today, as my dragon (Chinese zodiac), Leo, Eight on the enneagram (spelling?) offspring and I disagree on what is acceptable pursuits with one's time the feeling of separation is increasingly painful. Ah well. It was so delightful while it lasted and it last longer and longer.

Because this is such a crucial shift and portal, I want to repost a link to a post that explains what the different dimensions are. This shift in dimensions is not optional. This is a required course for all of us. I believe for now we can move back and forth between dimensions. My understanding is that will not be an option at some point. Thus it feels vital to me to know where we are heading. Welcome to the 5th dimension- happy creating!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

personal and general ascension symptoms

I see how people have a tendency to think this is something personal happening to them- we are all being asked to give up our fears and return home to love and that tends to be an uncomfortable process. Someone just told me she can't understand why her fears are greater than ever- because it is time to release them and the Universe is kindly supporting us by bring them to the surface so we can let them go. So here's a short list of some of the circumstances/experiences that have helped me release fear:

- loss of 23 1/2 year marriage/relationship
- loss of a beloved home for financial reasons
- two MAJOR losses of money
- chronic fatigue that had been debilitating for over 12 years
- life long chronic anxiety that created great dysfunction until recently
- inability to keep ANY kind of order
- inability to sleep and/or inability to wake up
- panic
- terror
- lack of desire to live
- acute memory loss
- loss of one of my most cherished dreams
- major power/control struggles with a loved one
- a daughter with a major challenge that is not within my ability to change or control
- loss of my most cherished possession
- extreme sensitivity to noise, crowds, peoples' energies that kept me in virtual isolation
- inability to be with certain old friends
- feeling I was going insane
- serious depression
- unable to do hardly any work or be productive
- apathy
- inability to remember what just happened or what happened yesterday
- profound yearning to go Home that never really leaves me

 These are the major ones I have experienced. I have also experienced lately profound feelings of Homecoming, deep joy, peace and Love, oceanic feelings of unity, incredible energy, astonishing insights, ability to read other's energy, amazing awareness, uncovering the secrets of the Universe and so on. I decided to give  my symptoms, repost general ascension symptoms and give a link to a very well written blog about another woman's symptoms so as to reduce the feelings of being alone. My sense is many of you reading this may be in the second wave of ascension. I believe I was in the first wave. My sense is I went though it so as to be able to shine a light for others. I can tell you for sure that there is miracles on the other side. My sense and direct experience is that I have been through the worst of it and am coming out the other side. Now my life is filled with more love and little tendrils of joy. The feeling of being Home is more frequent, the lack of desire to seek outside myself is more common. I KNOW that being home in one's self, of knowing one's essence as love and joy is worth the journey. Hang in there my loves and know that all will be well. I hope you find this helpful. HUGE GLOBAL HUG!!!

Ascension Symptoms- post by unknown source (not me)
Know that although our evolutionary process is rapidly accelerating, along with the New higher vibrational energies, we are all experiencing these changes in our own way and in our own time, according to who we are and according to our coding and plan before birth. In addition, generally speaking, our ascension process relates to how we each run our own individual energy, and what our beliefs and experiences are (in other words, how we are wired and how we vibrate). These things can be changed and will also change automatically as we clear and embody more light within ourselves. For the highly sensitive, psychic and those very open to the higher realms, the ascension process can be a bit more challenging.
(Note: Of course, not all of these symptoms can be attributed to the ascension process. Please follow your own inner guidance and consult a health care professional as needed).
*Feeling as though you are in a pressure cooker or in intense energy; feeling stress. Remember, you are adjusting to a higher vibration and you will eventually adjust. Old patterns, behaviors and beliefs are also being pushed to the surface. There is a lot going on inside of you!
* A feeling of disorientation; not knowing where you are; a loss of a sense of place. You are not in 3D anymore, as you have moved or in the process of moving into the higher realms.
* Unusual aches and pains throughout different parts of your body. You are purifying and releasing blocked energy vibrating at 3D while you are vibrating in a higher dimension.
* Waking at night between 2 and 4 a.m. As you progress, waking at 5 a.m. Much is going on in your dream state. You can't be there for long lengths of time and need a break. This is also the "cleansing and releasing" hour.
* Memory loss. Difficulty accessing words. A great abundance of short term memory loss and only vague remembrances of your past. You are in more than one dimension at a time, and going back and forth as part of the transition (you are experiencing a "disconnect"). Also, your past is part of the Old, and the Old is forever gone. Being in the Now is the way of the New World!
* "Seeing" and "hearing" things. You are experiencing different dimenions as you transition, all according to how sensitive you are and how you are wired.
* Loss of identity. You try to access the Old you, but it is no longer there. You may not know who you are looking at in the mirror! You have cleared much of your old patterns and are now embodying much more light and a simpler, more purified divine you. All is in're OK.
* Feeling "out of body". You may feel as though someone is talking, but it is not you. Our bodies are the last to catch up and are not in the same place as the rest of us. In addition, this phenomenon can also occur as it is our natural defense mechanism of survival when we are under acute stress or feeling traumatized or out of control. Your body is going through a lot and you may not want to be in it. At one point, my ascension guide told me that this was a way of easing the transition process, and that I did not need to experience what my body was going through.
* Periods of deep sleeping. You are resting from all the acclimating and are integrating, as well as building up for the next phase.
* Heightened sensitivities to your surroundings. Crowds, noise, foods, TV, other human voices and various other stimulations are barely tolerable. You also overwhelm very easily and become easily overstimulated. You are tuning up! Know that this will eventually pass.
* Dizziness, loss of balance, back and neck pain, ringing in the ears, "gritty" eyes, blurred vision, insomnia, and heart palpitations with difficulty breathing.
* Crying about anything, whether wonderful or sad.
* Not remembering the meaning of anything.
* Difficulty in remembering what you did or who you talked to a day or sometimes just an hour before. In the higher realms, reality is very much in the moment. If we do not hold something in our consciousness, it simply ceases to exist. We have no attachments. We are creating our own world around us through our beliefs and thoughts and what we do not "hold onto" does not exist. Everything is brand new as we are starting completely over, moment to moment. We can tap into whatever we choose to at any moment and create and experience just that. This state comes and goes, but is practice for living in the higher realms. It can feel a bit creepy when it occurs.
* You don't feel like doing anything. You are in a rest period, "rebooting". Your body knows what it needs. In addition, when you begin reaching the higher realms, "doing" and "making things happen" becomes obsolete as the New energies support the feminine of basking, receiving, creating, self-care and nurturing. Ask the Universe to "bring" you what you want while you are enjoying yourself and having fun!
* An intolerance for lower vibrational things (of the 3D) reflected in conversations, attitudes, societal structures, healing modalities, etc. They literally make you feel “sick” inside. You are in a higher vibration and your energies are no longer in alignment. You are being "pushed" to move "be" and create the New. In addition, you may feel like staying home or just being alone as much of everything "out there" no longer matches the higher vibration of YOU.
* A loss of desire for food. Your body is adjusting to a new, higher state of being. Also, part of you does not want to be here anymore in the Old.
* A sudden disappearance of friends, activities, habits, jobs and residences. You are evolving beyond what you used to be, and these people and surroundings no longer match your vibration. The New will soon arrive and feel so-o-o-o much better!
* You absolutely cannot do certain things anymore. When you try to do your usual routine and activities, it feels downright awful. Same as above.
* Days of extreme fatigue. Your body is losing density and going through intense restructuring.
* A need to eat often along with what feels like attacks of low blood sugar. Weight gain (especially in the abdominal area). A craving for protein. You are requiring an enormous amount of fuel for this ascension process. Weight gain with an inablilty to loose it no matter what you do is one of the most typical experiences. Trust that your body knows what it is doing.
(Note: The body seems to need this extra weight for processing and holding these New higher vibrations. In addition, the liver goes on overdrive as it is rapidly processing and detoxing. An overtaxed liver can lead to abdominal weight gain and frequent waking around 3 a.m. (the liver hour in oriental medicine). Liver supports that can be helpful are milk thistle, casual walks, breathing and trusting in the future.)
* Experiencing emotional ups and downs; weeping. Our emotions are our outlet for release, and we are releasing a lot.
* A wanting to go Home, as if everything is OVER and you don't belong here anymore. We are returning to the Source. Everything IS over. (But many of us are staying to experience and create the New World). Also, our old plans for coming have been completed.
* Feeling you are going insane, or must be developing a mental illness of some sort. You are rapidly experiencing several dimensions and greatly opening. Much is available to you now. You are just not used to it. Your awareness has been heightened and your barriers are gone. This will pass and you will eventually feel very at Home like you have never felt before, as Home is now here.
* Anxiety and panic and feelings of hysteria. Your ego is losing much of itself and is afraid. It may feel as if everything is ending (most of everything is!).Your system is also on overload. Things are happening to you that you may not understand. You are also losing behavior patterns of a lower vibration that you developed for survival in 3D. This may make you feel vulnerable and powerless. These patterns and behaviors you are losing are not needed in the higher realms. This will pass and you will eventually feel so much love, safety and unity. Just wait!
* Depression. The outer world may not be in alignment with the New, higher vibrational you. It doesn't feel so good out there. You are also releasing lower, darker energies and you are "seeing" through them. Hang in there!
* Vivid, wild and sometimes violent dreams. You are releasing many, many lifetimes of lower vibrational energy. Many are now reporting that they are experiencing beautiful dreams. Your dreamstate will eventually improve and you will enjoy it again. Some experience this releasing while awake. My mother commented one day that she believed I was having nightmares in the daytime!
* Night sweats and hot flashes. Your body is "heating" up as it burns off residue.
* Your plans suddenly change in mid-stream and go in a completely different direction. Your soul is balancing out your energy. It usually feels GREAT in this new direction, as your soul knows more than you do! It is breaking your “rut” choices and vibration.
* You have created a situation that seems like your worst nightmare, with many “worst nightmare” aspects to it. Your soul is guiding you into “stretching” into aspects of yourself where you were lacking, or into “toning down” aspects where you had an overabundance. Your energy is just balancing itself. Finding your way to peace through this situation is the test you have set up for yourself.
This is YOUR journey, and your soul would not have set it up if you weren't ready. You are the one who finds your way out and you will. Looking back, you will have gratitude for the experience and be a different person.

link to other blog post: