I am feeling called to post this journalling without editing,:
woke up today back in struggle. More than a week of above 100 degrees and now looks like we have 4 more days until it drops in the high 90's- by far the hottest summer since I moved down in elevation 3 years ago, probably will be a record heat. Plus lots of fires which today are resulting in very smoky conditions. Plus got long email about school, web site for daily homework, trip we are suppose to gear up 2 weeks after school starts. Finances not so wonderful blah blah blah. Yes, would love some tender loving care. It is not bad, not like I think I can't take it, not like it use to be where I was ready to throw in the towel, yet challenging after feeling so good for a while. I really get how much easier it is to feel emotionally good when my body feels good, less easy when body off. Plus for about a month or so, my class in Sacramento doesn't feel inspiring- use to be the center of my week. Saw how I wanted to power through and force myself to be cheerful and positive- yet really doesn't work. So I am allowing this to be as it is, holding myself tenderly since no one is here to do it for me. I did come home late last night to flowers and rose petals on my stairs from my wasband- now that is one incredible thing. I am guessing I may be the only woman on the planet to be so gifted by their wasband- what a sweetheart. For now, I will allow this pit in my stomach to be there and love myself tenderly through it.
woke up today back in struggle. More than a week of above 100 degrees and now looks like we have 4 more days until it drops in the high 90's- by far the hottest summer since I moved down in elevation 3 years ago, probably will be a record heat. Plus lots of fires which today are resulting in very smoky conditions. Plus got long email about school, web site for daily homework, trip we are suppose to gear up 2 weeks after school starts. Finances not so wonderful blah blah blah. Yes, would love some tender loving care. It is not bad, not like I think I can't take it, not like it use to be where I was ready to throw in the towel, yet challenging after feeling so good for a while. I really get how much easier it is to feel emotionally good when my body feels good, less easy when body off. Plus for about a month or so, my class in Sacramento doesn't feel inspiring- use to be the center of my week. Saw how I wanted to power through and force myself to be cheerful and positive- yet really doesn't work. So I am allowing this to be as it is, holding myself tenderly since no one is here to do it for me. I did come home late last night to flowers and rose petals on my stairs from my wasband- now that is one incredible thing. I am guessing I may be the only woman on the planet to be so gifted by their wasband- what a sweetheart. For now, I will allow this pit in my stomach to be there and love myself tenderly through it.
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