we are Home

I just read a quote in The Course in Miracles I did not remember. It said something like: you are home dreaming you are in exile. For some reason this struck me in a whole new way. So I realized it is like sitting in my own gorgeous mansion lamenting I am homeless. O.K., I get it conceptually but still fear arises. Again and again I feel at Home inside myself and then fear kicks me out. I get how I believe it is my body that is the store house of fear yet it is really my mind. I am passing through a ring of fear now, knowing conceptually it is illusion yet the feelings in my body make it more challenging to question. 

The start of the school year is bringing up the fear. I am catching my thoughts that it will be a nightmare. It comes down to the fact that my daughter is not controllable and I am questioning whether or not the answer is to bring in more force to control her. In some situation, yes, she needs to comply but when and how? Plus it seems mission impossible so that puts me in a bind plus makes me a “bad” parent according to society’s rules. We are talking small potatoes- not eating her vegetables, going to bed late, lots of media but not at my house too much, not keeping her room clean etc. Yet it comes up again and again and is often a battle- a battle I am tired of and questioning. I am clueless and it no longer feels good to try to control her. I question so much of the education system I am clueless in that area too. So I am just one unclear, fearful woman off and on lately. It forces me to fully understand I can not control anything actually so I better learn to surrender and trust, but REALLY, or continue to suffer. I realize I have surrendered control of my life yet feel compelled to continue to try to control her life because that’s what good parents do, right? She is watching a video now against my wishes and I am at a loss to know what to do. Consequences are meaningless to her and she takes them without batting an eye so that gets old. I can only intend to trust, keep my desire for Love and wholeness present and allow it to unfold as it does. Wish me luck. Sure wish I could see the mansion.