intrinsic worth and differences; creating appropriate education for ALL children

My name is Ciela, I am eleven years old and I have learning differences. That might not sound like a big deal, but for me it is a learning hell. Most kids do not have learning differences but those of us who do  most likely do not want to go to school. Because of this, they are hard children to raise. 

School can be fun but most of the time kids who have learning differences do not understand what the teacher is saying, at least most of the time. I personally feel that it would take an entire day for my teacher to teach me about multiplying big numbers in my head without a piece of paper. This is very frustrating. Different kids will feel different things but me, I feel very angry and disappointed in myself. That of course is not the right way to deal with the situation. I probably should take this calmly and think about it before I start saying I am in a living hell. But hey, that’s how it feels. When I get upset and frustrated I usually feel like I am getting sick to my stomach. How can I put this nicely- I feel like I’m going to puke! I start tapping my foot on the ground or fiddle with my hair. When I can’t understand something that my teacher is teaching, let’s say he was teaching about fractions, and I did not understand what he was saying, I am kind of frustrated and mostly blame myself for being not as smart as the other kids. But sometimes I wish I could go into the head of the smartest girl in the class. But that is not possible so I just think what she might think and just pray that it will be O.K. Am I boring you to death with all that I am saying? Can you imagine feeling so alone.? Close your eyes now and think of a child that can’t read, well at least not very much, or do very much math. Imagine being that child and how hard it could be. Be grateful that you do not have a learning difference. But if you do, and are reading what I am saying, you’ll understand exactly what I mean and you’ll know that sometimes you just want to go to Alcatraz and cut a little bit out of you and swim and let the great whites eat you. Or jump off of the Golden Gate bridge on fire. (I got that idea and really considered it for a while because my godmother was a stunt lady for a long time and she actually did it.) But I have never known somebody to actually get eaten by great whites. Please, don’t try to imagine it. 

A lot of the kids who have learning differences do not like doing homework. It is like the horror, the horror. But the kids who do not have learning differences go O.K. time to do the homework. They don’t have such a hard time. But for us, it is dang hard. I feel a lot of anger and frustration when I try to do my homework. Sometimes I just want to tear my homework up and flush it down the toilet but then I probably would be grounded for a least a couple days. Never tear up your homework, it is not a good idea. Otherwise your teacher will probably make you redo it at school which I can tell you is not fun. 

Doing homework is not fun but try  doing it with a pet -a cat, a dog, rat, fish, bunny an animal can understand. If you do not think they can understand you are wrong. They do. They are just like us.

At home I feel like I’m in a box of angels. At school I feel like a box of little devils. My Mom says I could change schools but I really want to stay with my friends. I wish that there was NO homework at all but that is not how our school works. I wish that  my teacher taught in a way that I was the one who could understand and the other kids couldn’t. I wish that we had more arts and crafts and games; only fun things. I really like my teacher, it’s not his fault. I just learn differently.

The words above were dictated to me by my daughter about living with learning differences. The experience of living with a child with learning differences has been one of the most difficult yet awakening of my life. I have been forced to examine some of my deepest assumptions, question my core beliefs and explore my values. My family believed education was life’s greatest value and gift. This has lead me to go toe to toe with my daughter, trying to use pressure and force to make her conform and do her homework. I began to destroy my relationship with her. We have had huge and devastating arguments. I tried to force her to be someone she is not, to do things she could not do because of my belief about what a good education is. Despite being a therapist and healer for almost two decades, I was partly oblivious to her legitimate confusion and despair. I pushed and pushed until our home  was becoming a battle ground. Until we reached the breaking point. Despite huge consequences from her father and a screaming fit from me, she did not do her homework. Instead she tore up what she had done and threw it in to the yard. I blew a gasket and was literally shrieking. She ran off. Well, I finally woke up to my daughter’s profound frustration. Everyone she loved was yelling at her to do what she often was incapable of doing. How could I have been so blind? She has been tested and diagnosed, given numerous treatments and tutors yet I still was clueless when it came to her inner experience. She loves many aspects of school yet her experience is clouded by her continual frustration and sense of inadequacy. Can you imagine my grief and regret when I realized I was turning her home into a “box of devils” (her words for her school experience?). I have spent the last two days grieving and marshaling resources to support my daughter.

Support is pouring in and many friends are sharing their catastrophic experiences with learning differences a generation ago. All of them still feel intensely scarred by school. What many of them expressed is that their education taught them that they were defective, different and inadequate. A dear friend in her 50’s considers it the defining experience of her life, leading to a self identity as limited and inadequate. I was horrified to hear their experiences. A friend in her 60’s was labeled retarded. Since then she got her nursing degree. A friend’s brother considered himself a failure and loser, feeling absolutely isolated. He is now a multimillionaire after discovering his own talent and area of genius.

As I began doing research I realized how under served these children are by the education system already being strangled by budget cuts. Einstein says a problem can never be solved at the same level of thought from which it originated. It is clear our world is in enormous chaos and challenge. By not meeting the needs of these children, a valuable resource is being lost. These children are generally more emotionally intelligent, present, intuitive, creative and empathic. These aspects of their being get minimal  recognition or acknowledgment in school. Our education system rarely match these children’s skill sets. Fortunately my daughter is in a Waldorf based school and many of her deepest soul needs are met. Her school provides a very rich educational experiences for the whole child with subjects such as cooking, woodwork, gardening etc. Her teacher Erik Bell is a very committed, dedicated man who is devoted to the children. Yet this bias towards math and reading is fundamental to the system.  I had to wake up to the fact that I had bought the belief that a good education is critical to success and thus inadvertently passed on that mind set to my daughter and strengthened her self rejection. Clearly, I wish her to be able to read and understand math yet to do so while giving equal value to her own gifts. I do not know what the answer is, I only want us to come together as a culture and look at the question, acknowledge how a how segment of our children are being marginalize, learning not to value their own inherent worth and gifts. I hear so many stories of families being torn apart by these conflicts. I share my daughter’s story in the hope of bringing awareness to this challenge in our education system. My heartfelt desire is that together we can have the conversation that will lead to long term solutions. My hope is to begin to  create schools that incorporates these children’s enormous gifts and talents, providing an education where they feel supported, acknowledged and understood so that they retain the awareness of their innate self worth while also supporting the other students with strong academic abilities and talents. If this situation is of concern to you or you would like to join me in brainstorming solutions, as her teacher and I have done, please email me at 

onelovekey@yahoo.com

With enormous hope, savannah

I want to paraphrase the words of Eckhart Tolle in an interview with Oprah about this situation. I have also given the link to the interview:

It is fine to acknowledge children for achievement. Yet it is critical we do not equate achievement/ability with worthiness, it has nothing to do with intrinsic worth. 

If others without those abilities get the impression they are less worthy because they are not successful in those areas that are valued by the education system, this can be very harmful. The teacher must know that the other children have other abilities that are not as recognized by the current education system.

It is critical for the teacher to give equal attention and acknowledgment for those children who do not stand out as achievers, appreciating their intrinsic worth as humans, recognizing you don’t know what is in there, recognizing that every human has gifts and intrinsic value, and to always show appreciation of the intrinsic worth of every child, regardless of academic abilities.

Otherwise the child exerts pressure on themselves, and believes they are not valuable. This has led to high suicides rates, especially in countries such as China, Japan and Korea where education is particularly valued.- Eckhart Tolle

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/The-Complete-Webcast-of-Oprahs-Lifeclass-with-Eckhart-Tolle-Video#comments


This blog is primarily about learning differences yet so many of us have been marginalized by other differences, of gender, sexual preference, race, economics and so on. My greatest desire is that we all remember to appreciate and acknowledge each human being for the precious gift s/he is- each of us is a masterpiece that never existed before and will never come again. Can you imagine what our world will be like when we can all remember this at the core level?


I want to add another link to the challenge of having a single story about anyone or anything:


http://serreal.ning.com/video/the-danger-of-the-single-story-el-seligro-de-una-sola-historia?xg_source=msg_mes_network