offense or defense

I had a big ahha moment as Oprah would call it. I realized that until just a few weeks ago, my life has been played on the defensive. I have spend so much of my beautiful life energy trying to cope with fear and anxiety, initially by resisting it and than for years working to heal it. I had the huge shift about a month ago with the way I experience anxiety when I truly and sincerely fully embraced it, perhaps for the first time. That opened up the space for me to shift directions to an offensive life. Now I am the least sports minded person in the world yet those terms fit. I approach my life now with what I can offer and extend. What a difference! Why? Because it gives physical evidence of my own self view, of my own self regard. Most of my life I struggled with unworthiness, anxiety, self doubt, dislike of being on earth. I have slowly healed those patterns and beliefs. I now experience a spaciousness and Love that come closer and closer to my Essence. So what does one do with that kind of energy? Sing, dance and play. Extend the treasure. Now I get it. That is why extending one's treasure is so crucial, as Way of Mastery repeats over and over. It is an affirmation and confirmation of my inner reality. I can not extend a treasure I do not have.
I wake up every morning with new questions. Years ago my question was "how do I get through this day? Where is a spaceship outta here?" Then for many years it was"how do I heal my many challenges and obstacles? How do I parent with love when I feel so lost myself?" Now they are "How can I extend my treasure today? Who can I offer Love to? Where can I bring joy to myself and all of life? What or who can I bless?" Imagine what my life looks like based on what questions I ask myself. I am sure a picture will arise in your mind what my life will look like. Which life would you prefer?
I was at a lovely party the other day. I had not seen many of the people in months. So many looked radiant, as though sun was shining through their skin. Most seem in a somewhat similar place as I am. They feel the intensity strongly and in some ways are having the best time of their lives and yet in some ways, things are still quite difficult. The best and worst of times.
Yet I have the good fortune to know a few people who are more or less free, who experience little or no challenge, whose lives reflect their inner reality of unlimitedness, of grace. The central component I see in all of them is that they have found their gift and are fully engaged in offering it to the world, each in very unique ways. I personally know more than a handful of such people. They all look fabulous, younger than when I meet them years ago. They all have amazing energy and laugh a lot. They all seem so happy. They all work very hard (although I am sure they do not experience it as work) at extending their treasure, their gifts, making sure as many people as possible are touched by their lives. O.K. kids, we're on to something here. Of course, it is impossible to put the cart before the horse. One can only offer a gift that is recognized. The clearing of the obstacles is the prerequisite to a life of joy and Love. Yet I now have a lot of evidence, internally and externally, that this path really works. I love to say that I have literally been around the world twice looking for an answer that genuinely meets my need for unity and Love. Imagine my relief to have found it. And yes it was right inside all along. The growing knowledge of how magnificent I am, how extraordinary you all are is delicious. It is real. It is the Truth and it works. Enjoy the ride.