Three years ago today I began my descent into the underworld. I was in the Denver airport when the world as I knew it began to disintegrate. The demarcation line was so clear. Before I lived an unfulfilling but stable life. I had literally traveled around the world two times to attempt to find myself and fill my internal emptiness.
Here is the point I want to share. The descent was not particularly pleasant or enjoyable.For quite a long stretch I went through some very uncomfortable experiences as I shed my limitations, false beliefs and identities, fears and emptiness. The core belief that caused me the most difficulty was that Love was outside of me and must be sought and found in another. As my marriage disintegrated I was able to witness how I was a slave, a puppet to my need to have others prove to me that I was lovable. I had not fully understood how my then spouse's devotion and love had grounded me, despite all my dissatisfaction with my marriage. As that ground was pulled away from me I had no choice but to dive into those core fears.
It has been said over and over that there is only Love or fear. This journey has moved that from an interesting statement to a known experience embedded in my being. I mention this as I know many people right now are beginning a descent into their own limitations and false beliefs and it can stir up much fear. My deepest desire is to help us all remember that since our true Identity is Love, all else is illusion. As my understanding increases, I recognize now that I inadvertently sometimes expressed myself in a way that may have increased fear in my blog family. If so, I apologize. Reading other people’s site and feeling when their words stir up fear in me helped me recognize how I may have accidentally done the same thing. My desire now is that you feel the Love through these words that is the only reality.
The other significance this day had for me is to take a moment to express my gratitude for the experiences of the last years. My deepest yearning is to wake up to the Love that I am, to end the internal separation that has caused me so much agony. I asked the Universe to help me become conscious and then when my wish was granted, I freaked out. I guess I am not alone in wanting to have my dreams come true but don’t want to be uncomfortable in the process. What I know now is that the Universe, God, Spirit, my Higher Self, whatever you want to call it took me on the most direct and least painful path possible to get me where I most desire; home to mySelf, to the Love that is beyond words. I am not there by a long stretch so it is quite possible that the discomfort is not over. I share this to remind myself to see all of this as a gift and to offer another perspective on challenges. If you are meeting unexpected difficulties, perhaps you can use my experience to actually welcome them as the answer to your prayers. I recognize this is not an easy shift to make yet knowing what I know now, I would DEFINITELY choose to go through all of it again rather than stay in the half dead limbo I was living in. The moments and days of peace, of understanding, of joy and most of all, of Love, are a treasure beyond any price.Can you reach out and hold my hand, knowing that despite the discomfort you may be experiencing that all will be well and all will be well and all will be very, very well?
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