Employed by the Divine

(I love playing with the type face. This one is extra pleasing to my eye.)

 To the topic at hand: I have recently been contemplating the commitment I made almost two decades ago to be employed by God. I was a student at the University of Santa Monica getting my Master’s in Spiritual and Counseling Psychology with an emphasis on Consciousness, Health and Healing. (doesn’t that sound delicious? It was!) I had hesitated to get my Master’s there, thinking another more recognized school might help me in the job market. I was concerned as this would be my sole means of support. When I shared that concern with a graduate, she said this would be the means of my soul support. WHOA!!! That just blew me away. That phrase has sat with me for over two decades and she was so right. The school was a huge foundation for soul support. Somewhere toward the end of that program I decided to cast away my survival and money fears and be employed by the Divine. What a momentous and wise decision that was. I have never looked back and have had rather remarkable success financially. Success for me is that I have had a comfortable life style and had the financial freedom to do anything my inner guidance directed me to do. None of what I have done has brought me much in terms of income. I spent over 3000 volunteer hours getting my license and made squat all those years. I took off for five years to travel, relocate and raise my daughter. For the last seven years I have facilitated classes and workshops and seen private clients but again the money is quite minimal. Despite all of that, I have incredible financial freedom which some of my friends envy.  I have done almost nothing I did not want to do just to bring in income. During that time I was what I call rich for a few years, rather poor for a few years and comfortable most of the time. I was not very productive in worldly terms. I spent years in silence, barely moving from my hammock. I spent years clearing as many obstacle to Love within myself as I could and barely functioned other than to care for my daughter. The whole time I was what has been called a frequency holder. I held a certain frequency of commitment to Love within myself. For some years I berated myself for my lack of productivity. Now I see my life as ideally suited to my gifts and talents and can actually recognize the energetic contribution to mySelf, others and the world. Most of all I spent the time learning to really love myself, warts and all. And ironically, all my needs are met. Resources appear when I need them. I never understood exactly how it has worked and so I have decided to just continue to trust and not to examine any details of how it functions. It is kind of like the loaves and fishes. My pool of money just grows to meet my needs with no clearly defined explanation. Why ask? Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke.

Now being employed by the Divine has definite perks. The hours are very flexible and the work is fascinating. My boss is the most loving Being you can imagine. There are some challenges with it too. Being one of the prototypes for this new earth, I got dragged through the mud more than many, yet definitely less than some. I had a few really difficult hours, days, even years. I was plagued with extreme anxiety, a short period of serious depression, many years of profound exhaustion, a few hours of wanting to die, one night of wanting to kill myself and a number of bouts with extreme grief, loss, terror, sense of annialation. I experienced two weeks where I thought I was going insane, a few primal breakdowns. While this was occurring my faith did waver sometimes. Yet I had a powerful sense I was a way shower, a path finder and I found extreme value (after I processed my own unworthiness for a few years) in what I was doing. I actually have to be careful as I went from feeling really bad about myself to now sometimes swing the other way and feeling prideful. Must keep myself anchored in the soil of humility. 

Now I am coasting into the really good stuff, the amazing perks of being employed by the Universe. I have experienced a spaciousness that can not be described yet feels like an empty cloud. Doesn’t sound that inviting but let me tell you YUMMY!!! I have known the peace that passes understanding. My sense of love and unity is probably the greatest gift of my life. My experience of faith and trust continues to grow geometrically. My family is beginning to look and feel like my most cherished dreams. I laugh A LOT. Just lately little shoots of joy are beginning to pop through the ground of my life.

What is my point? I know a lot of people right now are feeling very challenged. I mention some of my challenges with the hopes that they may offset yours. Please don’t take the challenges personally. Please realize it is a cleansing process that is eliminating anything toxic in your life, anything that limits you or locks you in fear. It may feel cruel to be thrown into the pool of your own fear yet my experience tells me that is the best way to move beyond it. Know with every cell of your being the journey is worth the price of admission. Know that your journey will most likely be way more graceful than mine. I chose to be in the first wave and chart the territory. That job  came with its own demands. Seeing teachers who had what I wanted gave me the courage to slog through the mud until arriving in the garden. I know my journey is not over and I will guess there is more mud to get through. Yet the sense of peace I have experienced for some time now carries me through all of it. In some ways I am facing potentially one of the greatest challenge ever yet most of the time I am calm and trusting. Know that this is a pearl without price. Beloveds, I realize sometimes the path is steep and there is no light visible. Yet know that the Light never leaves you, know that this is merely a journey of remembering. Actually there is no where to go and nothing to do. Know that you are held and carried, that the Source of all things is accessible within. And if you want to change employers, there is enough to do for anyone who choose to commit. The work is always the same, to teach only love, to demonstrate the insubstantiality of fear. Know that if you choose to join in and extend only love, the rewards of your efforts will be beyond your wildest imaginings. Promise! And, if like me you have a very good imagination, the promise still holds.