12/21/12 beyond duality

Beloveds,

We have arrived! The new epoch of peace, love and unity has begun and we are alive to see the dawning of a this new era!!! I awoke to the miraculous sunrise displayed like A French impressionist painting with the most surreal golden light; and this on an otherwise rainy day! 

Luckily I had dumped my expectations some time ago. Otherwise I may have been disappointed not to wake up in Heaven hearing harp music! I needed that vision of this date to carry me through the dark years, to pull me ever forward. I had to believe I would wake up this day with all my problems resolved and life handed to me on a golden platter. I know some people were still holding that vision even yesterday and maybe they did wake up in heaven. I had a new image of this day that seems to be accurate for me. It is a day where duality is no longer necessary yet will play out to ever greater extremes until it dies away. The headline that popped up as I opened my computer Merlin said the NRA has called for armed police in every school. Yea, there is the answer. I had my hopes up that they would see the opportunity to end violence rather than perpetuate it but oh well. At the same time I just read this headline that lift my heart: 

‘Layaway angels’ pay strangers’ balances

At Kmart alone, anonymous donors have paid off over $100K 
in balances this holiday season.

My deep sense is that these times will indeed see duality become ever more glaringly obvious. Yet I am not disappointed in the least. (o.k., a little bit. I still like my fantasy of rainbows, unicorns and harps everywhere and brother embracing brother.) I am not disappointed because I see I am now in a place where I can end duality within myself and choose only love. I know this same choice is available to everyone. I know that in time everyone will see that choice and that I am meant to be one who supports others in seeing that choice. I am not there now yet closer than ever. Yesterday gave me two blatant examples of that choice. First thing in the morning I bought the separation game when an old trigger played out and I got my own resentment flung right back in my face. Having that example fresh I was able to avoid stepping in the poo when another old trigger raised up with even more charge. I felt irritation arise and a deep sense of unfairness yet this time I tamed it by breathing deeply and asking to see the situation differently, to be able to see peace instead. I dialed it down and was rewarded with the peace I sought. The choice is now available to me and ever more obvious. My great knowing is that in time everyone will see the choice between love and fear and choose love.

My life has changed dramatically since last Friday when with my healer's help, I freed my body of much of the tendrils of overwhelm locked in my cellular memory. I see clearly how this theme dominated my life. The sense of anxiety and overwhelm had been so profound for so much of my life that to be in my body was so damn uncomfortable I did anything avoid it. Part of that was armoring myself with fat. It was another key aspect of my personal core false self image. I saw myself as a person with a sensitive nervous system (true and wonderful) yet doomed to a life of needing to control my environment to reduce overwhelm (totally false and a personal lie I had to release to be free.) I learned to enter extraordinary peace through meditation and stillness, basically through exiting my body. Exercise has been very difficult for me to motivate myself to do as it pulled me back into that maelstrom of physical unease that was such a constant companion. Over the years I had healed myself of the anxiety yet the nagging overwhelm still trapped me in a very unpleasant physical experience in my body. If I wasn't overwhelmed in the moment, I was trying to plan and strategize how to avoid it in the future. It was only some weeks ago that I really understood that I was not a victim of this and I could literally dump the whole thing. Prior to that I considered it unavoidable and my unfortunate fate. It took many years to unravel the way my false understanding was victimizing and limiting me. I needed to understand that it was illusion based on nothing real, that my nervous stem could respond totally differently to the same stimuli that previously would have flipped me out, that I could be totally neutral in my body no matter what was happening in my environment, that my nervous system could be at peace in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES!!  WHAT A MIND BLOWER!! To be free of that constant scanning and need for control is bliss and worth the price of admission. I did not need anything further from this auspicious 12/21. 

So waking up feeling nothing special was not discouraging. Over the last few nights I would wake up extremely hot, maybe it was karma burning? Otherwise I have not noticed anything too much out of the ordinary. I trust in time the love, peace and budding joy will continue to flourish albeit without fireworks. The sense of intimacy, connection, love is so delicious that every taste fortifies my commitment to see this to the end where I return home to my own essence as love on a permanent basis. Until then, I plan to enjoy the ride. I hope you will too!