On December 21st and again yesterday I experienced hatred and rage. Both times were only for a few minutes yet they were quite a shock. Whoa, so not what I thought 12/21 would bring. It has taken me awhile to sort through what is happening and to move back into trust. Here’s what I realized. We have been infused with buckets full of light. Light energy always pushes up what does not alining with it’s pure frequencies. Absolutely unbeknownst to me, I still carried rage and hatred. This has been an unpleasant shocker. Yet these energies are purging me of anything that is not love, just as I have intended and yearned. I have not yet uncovered the source of this rage yet I know it is some mistaken perception/ belief fuels that feeling of hatred. The scariest part is I felt no regret. I felt justified in my anger. I did not act it out, I did not express it externally. Yet internally I felt so right, so appropriate in my inner reaction. Scary. Yet I found my friend had the same experience and so this must be the energies du jour. O.K. I have decided to trust and call it good and very good. I realize I must have a deeply ingrained false belief that is able to allow me to be so angry without feeling regret. I am thrilled that I did not feel compelled to act it out in any way. I am curious what healing process is unfolding. I must admit I was relieved when it passed and I was able to reconnect to my commitment to love and unity. I am still dumfound that clearly my intent is not yet totally pure. Some part of me is hanging on for dear life to being separate, to being right. The witness in me was very alive in both instances, watching without judging. I allow this too. I am clueless what to do with it.Thank God I no longer have the idiotic idea that I can control my own healing process. I leave that to better forces that can see more clearly. I am very curious to see how this unfolds. Those feelings are far away now, again receded to distant shores. I hope that was the last wave of them yet time will reveal if they are done. I have received so many loving message and calls today yet feel strangely indifferent. It makes no sense to me yet I must allow this too.In the meantime I say yes, knowing I can surrender to the forces directing my healing, you healing, our healing. These are the same energies that direct the entire Universe so I guess I can trust they can handle my remembering.Somehow it must be necessary for these remnants of duality to surface for healing.
In this moment the sun is beaming. I feel calm and peaceful. I sit on my deck in my pajamas and robe in silence, grateful for time to recenter and recommit to my remembrance of love. Despite what showed up in the last days, this is my deepest yearning. I send you all so many blessings and oodles of love for this holiday season and always. A huge global hug!!!!!
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