Thursday, June 12, 2014

time lock release

One of the bigger challenges of this journey is the isolation I have experienced for much of my life, particularly the last years. I was almost never completely alone, I usually had one or two close friends and/or a partner. Yet especially lately it has been like, what is up with this? I know I am likable, why do I remIN SO ISOLATED? PART OF ME KNEW IT WAS ESSENTIAL FOR MY PARTICULAR PATH AND DESTINY. THE SOLITUDE FORCED ME TO DIVE DEEP WITH IN to discover a wellspring of inner beauty and awesomeness (I am sure that is not even a word and I don't know what is up with the Capitals, they keep turning themselves on.) I heard a concept some time ago of time locks, where one is locked into a certain position until the gates open. I believe this is occurring for me now. Until 2012 I was extremely isolated. I basically had a few friends hundred or thousands of miles away, a child and a dissolving marriage until I gained one friend in 2011 who lived an hour away. In 2012 I slowly began having a few social engagements, 2013 a few more. From the end of 2013 until now, it went to maybe one social engagement a week. This week the door opened further and I have five lovely plans this week. The last time this happened was like, never. I also am recognizing how when i drop inner barriers, my external world shifts accordingly. I went to a gathering of my Temple group for the first time in half a year and it felt like a new group. I had always experienced myself as slightly on the outside. Now I felt welcomed and honored, greeted with such open acceptance. As part of a Temple exercise, several women told me how much softer and more open I actually looked. I was impressed that it was visible in my face. One had tears as I poured love into her eyes.
So back to the theme of seeing this as a punishment when things are not flowing. I now see it as vital and essential for me to become Who I am slowly emerging to be, one who sees Herself, one who remembers her own magnificence, one who remember that each of us is a miracle. One of my favorite quotes that has always guided me is more true now than ever.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

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