Thursday, June 26, 2014

insomnia, attachment, co-creation

I am hearing a lot of people are experiencing intense insomnia, something i have struggled with a lot. It taught me to take dominion of my thoughts and stories to reduce anxiety so as to be able to sleep. Big motivation as I love sleep! Over the years I have done my best to accept the insomnia without freaking out. I did freak on the night of the solstice and that panic attack, while short lived, was enough to motivate me to change my tune. So last night when 2:30am ish rolled around, I decided I had to actually EMBRACE the lack of sleep, just like I have had to do with everything that was disturbing. Now this initially sounded so crazy to me when I first read it in Way of Mastery. I was like, no freakin' way! I was facilitating a group based on that book and my co-facilitator said, you have to actually embrace it. Now I know this is not a simple thing yet it really works. So last night I decided to have a late night party and enjoy myself. I had crackers and cheese and read a complex book instead of my usual TRYING AND TRYING to fall asleep. It was rather enjoyable and then I felt a bit tired so thought I would just close my eyes for a while. Of course, once the pressure was off, fell right to sleep.
Now part of the reason the insomnia got me was just as i was going to bed i opened the mail. A few days ago I learned that the ocean front hotel room I have dreamed of staying in for many years and was given a reservation to as a birthday gift, had been canceled when the hotel shut down permanently. I again semi panicked  I had gotten through my birthday with this carrot dangling in my face so any other minor disappointments paled in comparison (see previous post about big birthday charge.) It was clear how attached i was to this gift. Man oh man, how many times do i need to see attachment causes suffering. So in a mild panic i tried to make new plans. I called a place in the same location i'd stayed before. I was freaking and rather abrupt, maybe even sharp with the lady on the phone who basically slammed the door in my face, quoting me an outrageous and clearly not standard rate. So, with time pressure pounding on me i quickly booked something else, delighted i had another choice and eventually making peace with the change. Until last night where I realized I had booked a place that was really not to my taste. Opening the mail and seeing this sent me into a spin. I again got mildly agitated and wondered how I could get what i wanted. I watched my mind grasp and twist. I quickly calmed down, intended a favorable outcome and let it go, sort of. Then i went to get my book, as i always read before sleep. After a day of intense cleaning in the house, the book had disappeared. I was sure i knew its new location and checked there three times. No luck. Again I got agitated, attached to THAT book. Again I witnessed it and did my lest to let it go. And finally i slept.
So today in a calm energy i set about recreating everything. My new plan is set, I was able to create a wonderful new option, everyone i spoke to was friendly, open and kind. I am delighted with the new choice. The final kicker? The book was EXACTLY where i thought it should be. The universe loves to play tricks on me to see where I am. Maybe i didn't get an "A" on the test, but I will give myself B+ for so quickly seeing and releasing my attachments, irritations and harsh behaviors. I literally laughed out loud when I found the book where i thought it should be, after searching everywhere else. Good one, i thought. The little life stackers had a good time helping me break my attachments and the commensurate freedom that flows in is worth playing that game.

 20 minutes later caught in another attachment to a plan, sigh....


  1. Hi, Savnnah,
    (I seem to be in a communicating mood lately!)

    Re the insomnia.....I've found repeating a mantra or prayer/rosary helps me get to sleep, and/or stop worrying about it. (Sort of the old "counting sheep" technique, but with more me anyway.)

    Also, are you familiar with the author/psychotherapist David Richo? I stumbled across his book, "The Five Things We Cannot Change...and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them." His 5 things are different, but his approach seems quite similar to yours. Good writer, too. (He's written a lot of books.)

    Happy sleeping!

    1. Hi,
      I love comments, write as often as you like. I do know him, i believe he wrote about the enneagram. Will give that a peek if I find the book. Thanks for the suggestion. Last night I slept 10 hours. I usually don't worry about it yet I realized there was a subtle level of rejection, no matter how much I intend to release any charge on it.