still in 3d with doubt replacing disappointment

Darlings,

still experiencing rather heavy weather. i hear mama bird chirping to her babies and hoping i too will be reborn past my current doubt. our shadow sides are being pushed to the forefront. Will you join me in loving the disowned parts of ourselves? I must admit it feels effort-full and useless even though intellectually i know otherwise. I am offering love to the part of me that doubts, that feels this two unfulfilled aspects of my life will never shift, the fears for security. having met so many of my own precious intentions, you'd think i could muster up more faith. not really so much today and that is ok. i am doing my best to love the whole bloody mess. i wish the same for you.
i am blessed to visit a friend in San Francisco area and then see Amma tomorrow. Perhaps things will shift. I saw such a depressing movie yesterday i actually watched another movie to shift the energy and that was rather depressing too. So time to embrace depression, doubt and discouragement. this too shall pass.

a bit later. the good news that i must acknowledge despite my funk is that i am able to resist the urge to blame myself, try to fix myself, judge myself, major progress indeed. and a significant part of me can recognize that this is a major growth spurt and that there will be some goodies on the other side. i must admit i am ready for them to show up in the material world. i must also admit that the inner gifts i have already received truly are the most priceless. gotta be fair here even though i don't feel like it. bah humbug.