My intention is to recognize myself as limitless and after 10 hours sleep last night, I feel human again and can see how the latest wave is forcing me to witness where I limit and restrict myself. Nonono I did not like it yet thank God I can again see how it serves me in waking up. One of the biggest ways I get tripped up now is when I am tired and feel incapable of dealing with whatever is arising. So just like I have been able to deactivate my nervous system in response to others' behavior (YEA! where is my ticker tape parade?) I can see how I must now deactivate my nervous system when I am in physical states that feel uncomfortable or when things arise I feel incapable of handling, meaning I can witness the discomfort without freaking out. I must come into acceptance of this crazy yo-yoing between clarity and creativity followed by major discomfort, dysfunction and upset. Aye vey this looks like a big mountain to climb yet compared to being calm even when others act in rejecting or angry ways, should be a cake walk.
... witness the discomfort without freaking out"....
ReplyDeleteBoy, did that "strike a chord"..... exactly what I need to learn to do - mentally & physically. (After being seriously ill about a year and a half ago, I seem to have lost a lot of confidence in my body, at least when alone. Yet I also do quite a lot with my Pilates trainer.)........ And I thought getting older would mean life getting easier - all that accumulated knowledge/experience/etc! :-) Ah, well, if we didn't have anything left to learn/do, I guess we wouldn't be here!
Thanks again for your writing. Big hug,
B.J.
Yes, these time are not for the faint of heart, all old rules out the window yet for me the possibilities for love, intimacy and joy that also did not exist so readily keep me in the game. Had such a pleasant evening yesterday. This yoyo is wild. Sending you love to remember your confidence. You are a campion!
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