Saturday, June 21, 2014

Heaven, hell, depleted, benevolent, water

I had two energized and pleasant days with once extremely enjoyable evening. I have had the chance to swim in clear, crystal mountain waters which I swear is a significant part of what keeps me afloat. Then last night I woke up after less than a few hours sleep. I tired everything to go back to sleep from my chi machine, reading The Course in Miracles and then a hot bath. When I tried to turn off the water of the tub, it would not twist off. I tried in a panic for about 10 minutes then woke my daughter as she is generally very clever with these things. She too failed. Then I called my adorable wasband who was awake and helped us shut down the water to the whole house. The valve had changed when we got a water filter and I could not figure it out on my own. The one miracle was I was able to not react one someone was very grumpy and attacking. Yet again I feel so depleted and discouraged. For those two days all felt so benevolent I wondered I could ever doubt. Now the day looms like an endless tunnel to crawl through. One day my energy is pristine and creative, the next flat lined and dead. Schizophrenia anyone? I share this as it is part of my mission to do my best to normalize this journey and lend encouragement.  Yet sometimes the road seems soooo long and soooo arduous. Will it ever be easy and graceful,
P L E A S E !!!! Today I must do my best to love my own discouragement, depletion, exhaustion and indifference.   All while praying I get a Saturday plumber! This is potent energy, may it carry you gently in its waves.


  1. "Yet sometimes the road seems soooo long and soooo arduous. Will it ever be easy and graceful, P L E A S E !!!"............

    Your blog and my journal are reading a lot alike! Wonder what is going on? Only one solar flare lately....full moon is way over. The only consolation is that nothing lasts forever...."impermanence"....but not easy to remember, or believe in when its hits the fan....
    Good luck with the plumbing, and everything else!

    Big hug,

  2. My understanding is we are undergoing major transformation, sigh, feels relentless and unendling to me; show me the goodies! so frustrating when they pop in only to disappear so quickly.
    hearthug for you and this arduous journey

  3. So helps me to know I'm not alone in this! Thanks for your input and response.

  4. Amen. until i came to understand what was going on, I blamed myself and thought I was defective. What a relief to know we are in it together.