new eyes

New Eyes

I awoke again with such an amazing insight. I can only attribute the upcoming star-gate 11:11 tomorrow as the explanation for the speed in which concepts that previously only lived in my head are dropping into my embodied being. Remember that almost all my insights come from one source. I’d say 90% or more of my paradigm shifts/awarenesses come from waking up not able to sleep, reading The Course in Miracles or, less often, The Way of Mastery then falling back to sleep. When I wake up the new understanding has somehow lodged in my heart, in my being. This morning was not exceptional other than I did not fall back to sleep. I have read over and over that we are children of God, “I and the father are one,” that the whole journey home is to remember Who we are. How many times have I thought, read, written those words? Yet it had never fully sunk in and then stayed in my consciousness. I’m sure it is not yet all the way in but feels more deeply rooted than ever. If I do not see my own magnificence, how can I see yours? This is a amplification of my insight yesterday. I have assumed the best way to reach satori was to keep vigilant for all my errors. I am guessing part of my work was on target, releasing false beliefs and so on. ( our cat Panther wanted to share this with you, she walked across the key board:54ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssscv) 

 I was doing my best to align with one of my favorite quotes: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi. 

Yet somehow in doing that, my focus was on the wrong side of the equation, on my sins and errors, on self judgment and projecting that out. The whole trick for me now is summarized in the newest quote I posted on the blog:

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."
- Marcel Proust

I needed new eyes!! I needed to see differently! It feels like I am beginning TO SEE! It is no surprise I have had a number of problems with my eyes. (station break for frustration! Mercury retrograde is playing havoc with my ability to write this blog. Things appear, disappear. GRRR. Trying to keep my sense of humor.) I needed glasses from a young age as I sure as (insert swear word) I didn’t want to see what was going on at home. Then I had a retinal tear. Now I have a macular hole in each eye which has made it difficult to see in darkness (anybody else see any irony here? It is no mistake I taught a class based on the excellent book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.) (I see I am in a parentheses mood.) 

I have no complaints with my process of awakening. I am sure it must unfold in stages which are unique for each of us. I am just a bit stunned again how blind I was and what I see in this moment. Such beauty. I see my own magnificence and you can bet your booty, the whole world looks fabulous. It is no mistake I have been buried in darkness for a while, The kindly Universe was attempting to get me to SEE. My experience is the Universe uses the minimum amount of pressure possible to wake us up. If we don’t get it the first few times, the pressure mounts. Now I don’t need much more than a feather where I used to need the old baseball bat.

I see I am a child of God. I see the errors are just little endearing human characteristics. I see everyone is the same, made of the same substances.

Two days ago I had a shaky few minutes (maybe it was an hour, ok, maybe two.) My friend John called. He was one of my best friends in college. He lives in Pasadena now and is rather wealthy and quite successful in worldly terms, has a child in college, is semi retired very young, is content and blah blah blah. Again I questioned my path, wondering why I hadn’t used my very expensive education to “make it” in the world. Had I wasted my life on a chimera? The old question haunted me again. Well hush my puppies, in this moment I have no doubt at all. The darkness has lifted and I see. Will it drop again? Who knows? Yet the thread of faith is slowly turning into a rope. I have only glimmers of doubt. Then the sun comes out and the world glitters in such astonishing beauty.