Wednesday, July 16, 2014

releasing scarcity, limits, the body and time- keeping the faith

We are definitely not in Kansas anymore. Something so major is afoot. For me it seems to have something to do with our sense of time. Anybody else noticing how different one's sense of time is? For me it feels way sped up and also very different especially in terms of the past. My sister in law left less than 48 hours ago and yet once I had seen her for the last time and was driving away, all the amazing experiences we had together receded into a distant place. I could remember them yet my relationship to those experience was very different, not something easily accessed or even remembered except through a great distance. It is all rather disorienting yet I am convinced serves us. I also noticed on my trip that my sense of scarcity of money has evaporated. I choose to order delicious foods with no concern for cost, something most unlike me. I have no evidence to support this shift, except a deep knowing all is well and abundance IS our true nature. Feels a bit scary as it rest in airy fairy feelings of well being. Yet it feels right.
I get that my greatest limits right now are coming from my physical experience of feeling depleted, sometimes exhausted, trouble sleeping long, feeling fogged. I was at my Way of Mastery group for the first time in over half a year and it was all about releasing the limitations of the illusion of the body and the sense of separation it emits. I have no clue what it all means, just am clear that my next big release comes from my continued ability to reside more fully in the present moment and my awareness that this will include releasing my attachment to this body. I am absolutely clueless how this will occur. Thank God I really get that, as the course says, "I need do nothing." In fact it is my insistence on remaining in the driver's seat that slows this whole process down. Still challenging to take my hands of the wheel and let my ship go with the current. I use to need a few knocks to the head to get it yet now I am very willing to get it with ease and grace. The future is also fading from my view so moment to moment I will witness what unfolds.
so much love
and to the weather gods, i am sooooooooo appreciative of this cool breeze after scorching heat; this alone is perking me up.

this just brought tears to my eyes. i am in a time when faith is what is lifting and carrying me. jennifer's words brought it back home to my heart where it has been burning as an ember and reignited the flame. may they bring peace to you too.

...During our trip a monk and nun were each separately asked what the most important goal of a life of Buddhist practice was. The monk thought about it a while and responded, “the cultivation of the mind.” The nun asked was the Abbotess, who responded without much contemplation needed, “loving kindness.”
This loving kindness is not really learned, though it too can be cultivated. It doesn’t always look like hand-holding or gentle praises. It is sometimes like the wrath of a loving goddess…fierce but true. For I received both forms of loving kindness in Tibet, and both served me well. For when I was well enough to speak to my beings again they explained why I had not learned or discerned in advance the challenges we would face in Tibet. They said that I had become very adept at trusting what I knew, even if I only knew it by feeling or by guidance. They said I had had this experience so that I would even more fully trust what I didn’t know, what I hadn’t been shown. (my bold as these were the words that I needed to hear.)
And what do you know but even though our trip in India was rough in so many ways as well, upon arrival home it is clear that my health is much better than before I went on that trip, and my “health condition” which was supposedly serious, is absolutely gone.
So last night, when we watched The Polar Express, I remembered that night in our Lhasa hotel room that it brought us peace for a few minutes. I remember telling myself that one day we would be back home, and well, and that all of that would be behind us. That it would be christmas and we would watch that movie from our warm home together, which seemed like such a far-off dream at that time. It gave me hope…and a link through a window in time to a safe and healthy future that I knew I would experience if I could just hold on.
elder nun 1
We have so many reasons not to believe, especially the bigger our dreams are. The reasons to believe are like elusive neon fish darting through the water on a dark night. We see them for a moment but they seem to quickly disappear and are very hard to grasp. They must be found in the heart, eyes closed and no longer looking for anything. Like a real understanding of loving kindness they can only be found there. And anything that draws us nearer to that utter blindness caused by surrender either forced or voluntary and nested in the harmonics of the heart breeds faith and trust. Then we are home, then we are closer to being fearless, to knowing our divinity completely. And if there is a hand that reaches across the abyss to help us through the harder moments, god/dess bless it. And if you ever wonder what you are doing here on this earth anyway, know that you are that hand to others, and that alone is enough. If you can light that flame that helps another through a dark night, or if you can discover the flame in your own heart, it is enough for an entire lifetime.
With Love and Faith, Jennifer

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