Tuesday, July 15, 2014

gratitude, observation, discomfort, sliding

First I want to express my gratitude to my sister in law Irmgard for her graciousness, generosity, inner harmony, kindness, fun, laughter and support. Her visit was filled with so many magical adventures.

I just listened to a talk with Jim Self as I was attempting to bring order to the chaos in my home. The talk struck a cord with me as he gave a simple tool to increase one's ability to be the observer of one's experience. He mentioned that it might feel uncomfortable at first as it is so unfamiliar. AMEN to that. This has been what is evolving naturally for me and I have been kicking and screaming a bit as it unfolds.  It has definitely felt foreign and honestly less than welcomed. Today and several times I watched this mind begin to what I call "slip." This mind (I find myself unable to write "my" mind) used to spin so perhaps slipping is progress. When it begins to slip I feel myself begin to slide into upset, disharmony, judgment, discomfort, dislike and ultimately if I do not catch myself, fear even terror. Luckily I can easily recognizing the beginning signs of this rupture and do my best to restore balance and well being. These last weeks all my old tools were not available to me due to outer circumstance so as I said in the last blog, I am also learning to release attachment to anything including my old tools for balance. I started to slide big time today and luckily to dear friends helped me catch myself. Karin especially helps me as I am able to witness her commitment to not buying fear and scarcity in her life. Uschi holds presence and is an excellent support in restoring myself to equanimity and inner peace.
So this morning I was a little freaked, sad to see my dear sister Irmgard leave, stuck in my story about the grueling heat (109 F yesterday) and tired after poor sleep, dispassionate about my work, fogged and directionless. I have been using Matt Kahn's suggestion to say the words to myself I most want to hear and then to love the part of myself most out of harmony. Both tools brought tears to my eyes. I am also feeling very inadequate as a parent lately and so had to bring my love to that feeling of inadequacy. I see soul agreements everywhere yet was in a place where I gave a sh*t. One of the easiest places for my mind to shift into disharmony is with my "enough already" story, i.e., I had enough with this awakening, this ascension. Stop the world, I want to get off energy.
I know I am not alone in feeling the effects of world chaos. I hope I am also not alone in catching myself and saying enough to my stories, loving myself through thick and thin and whispering sweet nothings into my own dear ears when no one else seems up to the job. Let me whisper morsels of delectable love into your ear too. Know how precious and beautiful you are, whether you feel that way today or not.

THURSDAY, 06/19/2014 - 2:00 PM CDT

P.s. please join me in sending loving energy to Rhonda who is recovering from major back surgery.

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