Thursday, July 17, 2014

releasing body limits

Noticing how my whole life I have been letting go of limits.  My entire life I have drawn on courage I was not certain I possessed to do some VERY scary things. I left everything I knew to travel around the world for years with a man I’d only known briefly who later became my husband. Terrifying. I adopted a child from a foreign country, very scary. I continued to dig into the roots of my anxiety until it is mostly cleared, despite it taking over 30 years. I have faced scarcity about love, perhaps my greatest challenge, then money scarcity and now limits of energy and of the body. This is the greatest limitation I now face. For much of my life my body had been plagued initially by anxiety and overweight and now, for the last 15 years, by repeated bouts of exhaustion, insomnia, depletion. Last night at 3 am it was crystal clear to me that I have formed many beliefs that keep me anchored in those limitations. I have friends agree with me about how real those limits are yet today I spoke to a woman who is sleeping great and it dawned on me that while this process undoubtedly may induce some tiredness, my beliefs and fears amplify this endlessly. Time to let it go.
I saw how freaked out I was when I could not fall asleep again. I have been so fogged I feared I could never be clear enough to resume work on my new web site. I felt fear for the future, how could I live with such a feeling of depletion? I read my Way of Mastery and saw how I was buying my own limiting story and that this is my next opportunity  by releasing the stranglehold I have given my body on my life. It is time to let go of this limitation, to regain my clarity and certainty, to not slip into fear when another night of inadequate sleep claims me. I take full responsibility for drawing this experience to me to highlight the power I have given this limitation. I have already begun to take steps to break this limit. I moved into peace last night at 3am, knowing I might or might not fall back to sleep (I did, thank you God but my herbal sleeping pill intake is over the top), I went to yoga and pushed my body instead of escaping into inertia, I finally braved vocalizing the  changes I desire for my web site (I have felt way to fogged to even face it) and finally I looked at some computer information my dear sister Lu shared with me despite my initial response that I could not possibly deal with it. I am loving and celebrating my own courage and also loving the part of me that feel so inadequate and depleted right now. Will you also love the parts of yourself that seem to limit you the most, drive you around the bend? Can you love and accept other’s inadequacies? If so, we can change the world, one person at a time. Please join with me in a global celebration of releasing our limits and restoring heaven to earth.

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