Wednesday, July 23, 2014

burning with desire

...I felt like crying. This is always how it is, I thought. This is what comes of having a heart on fire that you can never seem to ignore. Yes, you burn. It often hurts and things don’t always go the way you want them to…but when they do it is sensational, absolutely otherworldly and indescribably beautiful. And when this is your aim you do end up having more of these moments than most. It is the only reward of burning.  

Running for Sekhmet

by JENNIFER on JUNE 1, 2008

These words from Jennifer Posada resonate deeply. I feel desire burning within me. I wAnt to break out, break up, break through. I have enough of this life lived in silence and isolation. I adore how it has served me and the gifts it has brought me, holding me as I returned to wholeness. Yet now it is enough and I am ready to LIVE, to DANCE, to CELEBRATE  to LOVE, to ENJOY. I am again reminded of the lines of the poem that says enough to the nay sayers and purveyors of doom, if the apocalypse is coming, let US await it with joy (I paraphrase.)
I read  an old post where my former boyfriend thanked me for my joy and ability to find pleasure in life. I left that part of me in the dust as I pursued spiritual wholeness. Definitely worth the years of attention but now it is ENOUGH. I have no clue how, I just know I am changing directions again, becoming a joy knower.
Yes, I have burned. I have also been to the temple of Karnak, sought answers in those ancient tombs and temples. We had a card made up in Bangkok calling ourselves explores of inner and outer spaces. The first part of my life I explored outer spaces with two world journeys and many years lived abroad  I devoted the next part of my life to the inner journey that was astonishingly rich and painful. Now it is time to integrate the two, to LIVE, to BURN, to BE.
I once burned with a desire that took me years to fulfill  The day I first meet my daughter I began to cry. I literally cried for days, overwhelmed with the completion of that fierce hunger to meet the daughter I knew was to be a part of my life. So many obstacles blocked the completion of that vision yet I hung on like a bulldog on a pork chop. I feel several equally strong desires nipping at me. I feel the impulse to quench the fires, to be done with yearning. But this I will not do. Yes, ultimate the yearning is to be myself yet i intend to enjoy the ride, to glorify in being human, to say a giant 


No comments:

Post a Comment