So much happening and I am sensing a definite lightness creeping in my world. So much I wish to share. Big excitement. I was able to help with my daughter’s 7th grade play, hear the kids shrieking in excitement, sell tickets and food with lots of people around and actually enjoy it it. For the last few years my ability to be in the world slowly increases yet being in a crowd, being super busy and active and enjoying it, well I can’t remember the last time that was true. YEA!
I am big time on the trail of projections and find them like numerous weed in the garden of my consciousness. I just had one pop up with a friend. He is a dear friend for decades yet since being deeply immersed in my ascension journey we have drifted apart. He is a very successful business man and our worlds diverged dramatically. WhenI would test the waters of actually sharing my experience, he would make a joke or sarcastic remark so I would back off. He recently emailed me very openly and I decided to take a chance and be vulnerable again. He responded with sarcasm and I was hurt. I decided not to let it go as I have for many years and I emailed him, carefully removing any judgments I thought. NOT! He had the courage to call me and tell me how angry he was. My careful constructed story where I was the innocent victim fell apart and I realized I had projected my sadness that the world does not sufficiently understand or appreciate me fell on his shoulders. I do feel appreciated by him yet not understood by a long shot. I could own how I never shared openly yet somehow blamed him for not being a good listener. I love how quickly I can catch projections these days. First, he got the load I feel toward the whole planet. Second, do I fully love, appreciate and understand myself? Do I judge myself for being so dysfunctional for so long. Oh yea baby, pay dirt. Yes, he was not always a great listener, yes he was sarcastic but I withheld and blamed him. Part of it was very appropriate as I don’t believe he could understand and I see no point sharing with deaf ears. I doubt he can understand much of my experience.. Who can understand this shit unless they’ve lived it, right? But the dirty laundry that got exposed is how I have judged myself, not understood my self how difficult yet necessary this ascension journey has been with all the attached fall out and chaos. Ascending in a 3D world is no walk in the park. Do I see how valuable and courageous I am? Do I deeply appreciate myself and the monumental shifts I have made? That would be a yes and no. My heart is now unwilling to tolerate any no, any self judgment, any lack of self appreciation or understanding. So once again the Universe provided me with the perfect opportunity and I can go eat some humble pie while reopening the channel of tenderness perhaps with my friend and me. At least everything will be in the open.
I write this as I know many of you feel misunderstood, not seen, unappreciated. Perhaps it will help a smidgen to know I might very well understand you at least partially, I do appreciate you and you are most certainly loved. You are not alone, however it might appear to the contrary