Sunday, March 23, 2014

coming Home, maintaining faith, erasing doubt


For me there is some major mojo in the air. It feels like something big is on the move and Friday I felt like my head could blow off and my body explode as it did its best to contain the expansion. I felt like I was on speed and downed numerous camille teas to try to calm down. I kept gritting my teeth as they were so on edge. Yet there was this incredible sense of arrival and of KNOWING. I was no longer resting in blind faith and trust, I KNEW that the vision I have had for myself is real, will manifest in time and that all is well. I had several possibilities landing on my doorstep and one is astonishing in its magnitude. Now this is coming from an arid desert of  little movement, success,  interest in my work, my passion, my commitment for almost a decade. I fell deeply into this journey in 1999 and have had little concrete indications that my vision was anything but a pipe dream. My last class in 2013 had exactly one student, my advertisements had almost no results and it looked like I was dead in the water. It was not easy to keep the faith with so little evidence to support me. My guides had assured me for a long time that 2014 was my year but their sense of things and mine seemed to be far apart sometimes so I did not know exactly what to expect. Yet Friday I KNEW in my body all would unfold as they had assured me, that I would be able to reach as many people as I desire with my message and gifts, that I would not be just fine financially but abundant (they say beyond my wildest dream yet my dreams can be pretty wild). This KNOWING happened once before when I put on a very fancy dress at Nordstrom and the feeling tone of my future life flooded my body. I felt such joy and the love that surrounded me as a pre recognition was all of my dreams alive in my body, doing a joy jig. Yet the years of exhaustion, scarcity, loneliness, trauma, terror, anguish, non recognition, almost no income from my work, few friendships, isolation, lack of results, eroded my confidence, my belief in my abilities, my vision. While my certainty and confidence have been increasing for some time, this last week has brought me absolute confidence in my abilities and my sense of self worth now feels rock solid. I also have more new friendships and social interactions this year then I have had since University. I am getting a number of emails expressing interest in my work. It is like I fell through the rabbit hole and ended up in a whole new world. My classes and gatherings are generating a lot of interest, people are receiving significant transformations from a few times being supported by me, I see and know quickly what the source of the challenge is, my intuition is often crystal clear. It seems my time in the cocoon is coming to an end and now I feel more concerned about how I will go from hermit to keeping up with the new demand. Wild. I share this with you as one of the most difficult aspects of this journey for me had been to keep the faith especially in the darkest hours. I would receive assurances from my guides of my rosy future yet when one is down on their knees, it is hard to see beyond the next moment. It was so hard sometimes not to stay in despair and think it would never end, never really change, never be anything like my dreams for my life.Yet now my most precious dream has come true, harmony in my home and within myself. I can't remember the last time I felt anxious and I am rarely overwhelmed. Now that is miracle territory. I share this for those of you still in the thick of things. Can you reach out and feel my hand holding yours, assuring you all will be well. One of my strongest wishes for myself was that I could have trusted more while immersed in transformation that I would emerge and finally find mySelf. I am tenacious for sure. Beloveds, can you believe in yourself and know your own inner wisdom will guide you Home? If not, feel free to borrow my faith for you. You see, I KNOW for you too if you are willing to do the work, go inside and bring anything that is not love to the light of day you will come Home to yourself. Will you believe me when I assure you it is so worth it? May you know the trust I often lacked, may it guide you Home.

Some post/Utube's I found supportive:

Here we go:

Marianne Williamson, mystical power of intimate relationships,

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