Holy moly chickadees, how quickly the world seems to shift, at least my inner world. Yesterday I was mildly depressed and feeling like I was going nowhere fast. Today the light bulb went off. Who am I kidding. Let me get this straight. After a lifetime of being basically crippled by anxiety and overwhelm, I have not been even bothered one smidgeon by those nasties. I am able to get up out of bed AND leave my house without wondering if I’ll make it. I am slowly clearing out clutter from my house. My health has never been better. I cook almost all my own food and I am primarily vegetarian now with some fish and meat rarely. I exercise at least four hours a week. I have had periods of huge joy and I generally feel spacious and peaceful. If you have been following this blog or have read prior posts, you know this has not been my modus operandi in the last years. A year ago I was just coming out of the most difficult 2 1/2 years of my life and a very unfun 13 year stretch mixed with periods of the joy of parenting. Now I want to moan when I feel mildly depressed and unproductive? Come on!
Here is what I see now. My experience over the years is that everything that is about to depart gets bigger to capture my awareness as I bid that challenge a graceful adieu. O.K. unitl 2013 it wasn’t always so graceful and some had me crawling on my knees begging for mercy. Yet my sense is now all that drama is unnecessary for me. I notice what is up, in this case mild depression and unclarity, inability to know how to continue with my dreams. Yesterday I wrote my blog with a ho hum attitude. Today I feel joy again. HELLO! ANYBODY SEE A PATTERN HERE? I added the word joy to my manifesto, my life purpose the other day and hello, what does that mean? That means that anything that is not joy is going to peek it’s cute little head up for a fond farewell. So my not good enough is showing up for a final bow along with my mild depression, which definitely doesn’t feel like joy, and my inability to move forward. So long, farewell, aufwiedersehn, goodbye.Will they be gone for good? Maybe but I ain’t going to fall for attaching to that idea. I just know all my little petty tyrants are on there way out the door and if some choose to overstay their welcome a bit, that’s all good too. I have no story or opinion about that. I know this much for sure; my level of inner freedom and peace is beyond what I could have previously imagined.
If these words approximate your experience, you were probably in the first wave and have cleared most of the goo. If they do not and you are bogged down in goo, my guess is you are second wavers and I am not sure exactly how effortless the clearing will be for you. I am sure it will be easier that in was before now but not clear how exactly it will unfold. Try the tips and tools discussed in yesterday’s blog and if those don’t feel like they are doing the trick, go to the tried and true: allow it, feel it, stay out of the story, change your ideas and beliefs and, as always, Remember Who you are. If it feels like too much to do alone, get thee some support. Perhaps a friend who you can process the energies with; this was something I did for several years. Try a free meditation class perhaps. Ask that you be guided to the appropriate resources for you, intend it and it will happen. TRUST! Let me know if I can help in some way. I again feel called to offer a 20% discount to my blog family.
Beloveds, may you be well, may you know all is well, may you be guided to the support and resources that will serve you, may you KNOW absolutely that the Remembrance is worth the journey home, a journey without distance. Sending you all so much love.
Also, I am looking for someone to help me with web design as an exchange if anyone is interested.