it's o.k., it's o.k.- is choosing happiness possible?

I have had major freak out energy today. What I am recognizing is this does not mean I am slipping backwards, making a mistake, not getting it. Rather it is the order of the day. We are going through MAJOR upgrades that keep pushing on our nervous systems. The more the light pours in, the more anything not aligned with our highest good comes to the surface for release. We do not need to understand, process, analyze this, in fact to do so is often counter productive. We merely need to allow. Yes, I know the allowance is simple but not often easy. It feels so natural to resist, contract, push away these challenging energies. Yet if we can allow them to flow through our nervous systems without a story, contracting, making it wrong, it is so much more graceful. Believe me, today I was in major NO! mode, freaking and flipping. At the same time, the witness was merely observing the whole mayhem. The subtle message of the witness is, without any words, is this serving you? do you want more of this? I went outside to do my best to calm down as four separate irritants and chaotic situations came up for my attention. Initially I went into blame and anger, wanting to retaliate and make someone pay. I actually reacted to some of that energy which of course backfired in my face. This makes me more committed not to act when in reaction as it always creates more suffering. As I write, I have been on hold for almost an hour with my health insurance, otherwise known as one of the great petty tyrants currently helping us wake up here in the USA. I have spent maybe four hours trying to correct 3 mistakes and am now hoping to reach a human. I went from frazzled to laughing as it is so absurd. I had another situation I had worked on for a week suddenly reverse itself after it seemed finally resolved. Ah, today's energy in my neck of the world, not terribly amusing. So I love the part of myself that feels frazzled and frustrated, slow down, soften, stay grounded, go outside to rebalance, move my body, take it easy and do my best not to get caught in the web of frustration.
I also am aware perhaps in some ways for the first time that I am not alone in not finding it easy to be happy. I have often found joy here on earth rather minimal. This is the reason I was less then thrilled to stick here. I thought I was relatively alone in this, imagining everybody else was happier then I have been. Lately I have seen this as illusion and for most, it is not easy to be happy. Until a certain level of consciousness is reached, I am not sure if it is even possible. I like the article below for clarifying some of this and showing us choice is possible if one has reached a certain level of consciousness. I have felt some of the greatest joy of my life lately with the severe contrast of the opposite. At least I am out of flatland which lasted for months and was extra spooky. So I do not judge where I am, judge the movement away from joy, into freak out. It is all a natural response to this time on earth. Nothing personal, nothing wrong, just my nervous system upgrading. It is a process, one that is much more graceful when I accept it as such. Not always easy, i know. sigh… until a better day, for now i just breath and allow, sometimes laughing at the absurdity. The deepest part of me knows it is all serving me/ us to greater joy, greater happiness. greater awakening. After the taste of the last weeks, it is easier to say YES. It is also helps that people lately tell me how joyful I seem. This helps me view myself in a new way and realize I am not the lone ranger in not having had a lifetime of happiness. I figure if I seem exceptionally joyful to other, maybe joy is finally emerging. Someone told me that a man I barely know had told her that I seemed "radiant." This helps assure me something is working, something is shifting and all will be well, it's o.k.


http://blueprintsforbutterflies.com/2014/09/20/basket-weaving-101-weaving-happiness-into-our-vibration/