Saturday, September 13, 2014

endings and beginnings

Today is the first day my marriage is legally over. Yesterday I unexpectedly had the chance to go to my favorite spot on the soulful Yuba River. I spontaneously created a ritual for the last day of my marriage.  I build stone cairns to release the identity of wife and washed the old away under the waterfall. I recalled with gratitude the 23 1/2 rich years we were together, the 3 1/2 years since we separated of ongoing friendship, family, support and kindness. The memories were so varied and rich I could not begin to remember even a fraction of the wonderful times we had together. Perhaps one of the things I have appreciated the most about my now officially wasband Georg was how supportive he was, how he always had my back until the end. We traveled together for years visiting 5 continents and so many countries maybe 50. We did silent meditation retreats in Thailand, rode elephants in India and Nepal, a camels in Egypt. We saw so many beautiful sights and shared the joys and sorrows of family. We adopted a beautiful daughter from Guatemala and lived there for several months awaiting the completion of the adoption. We supported each other in sickness and health, we believed in each other. One of my greatest regrets is how I projected so much of my sadness and fear on to my former husband as our marriage dissolved. Seeing and healing those wounds took me to the depths of my being and I am a better person for it, so much more open and loving. No words can convey my gratitude and joy that I had the privilege of being married to this amazing man for so long.

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