Tuesday, September 16, 2014

remembering, intention, commitment

Yesterday I began facilitating my circle called Brining Your Dreams Alive. I felt very tired and depleted all day and actually took a nap, something rare for me. Fear was nipping at my heals and I felt a deep discouragement  and exhaustion with the waking up process.  I felt irritable and frazzled. Luckily I have done enough classes to know how the energy shifts so I was not concerned about teaching the class. However this class was extraordinary. We had heavy smoke in the air all day due to numerous fires nearby. Many women called to cancel at the last minute. A number of things were unsettling yet once the circle began I felt my energy creep and then roar back in. I felt myself become grounded  inspired, clear. My understanding reached new heights.
There was a very unsettling challenge in the middle of the circle yet I stayed in balance, grounded. The smoke cleared and that was one silly fear blown away literally with the wind. I had woken up with big anxiety over things that I would normally hardly give a second thought to. Everything seemed to be going against me. Now many of these things resolved themselves without effort yet what I see so clearly is when my nervous system is out of balance, my mind can go berserk, creating imaginary mountains to threaten to bury me with an impending avalanche. Yet at the time it all seemed so real and even though I did my best to love it, to accept it, to not believe it, the illusion had really swept me away.
We worked in the circle with specific tools to set intention and coalesce our commitment to our dreams. Afterwards I felt crystal clear and today I have been stunned to recall the level of forgetting that has swamped me for the last few weeks. It is hard for me to fathom how opaque the fears become. Now I can laugh even while remembering how badly the boogie man scared me. I know that using those specific tools of  focusing intention and commitment helped shift the energy as did coming together as a group in consciousness. I know at east one other person had an equally remarkable shift while another seemed swept by emotion.  I feel so lucid, so full of certainty and a deep remembrance of my worth and abilities. I also see how the dive to the depths cleared the way for this new level of awareness. 
I have been having the most amazing encounters with people some i have met briefly before, some I had never met before and some old friends. The encounters are beyond words, mysterious, powerful. I feel they were ordained and that often I have a message for the person perhaps to encourage them , to acknowledge them, to clarify something. The meetings are intense, soulful, real, intimate, powerful. They can occur anywhere, anytime. I feel that, as Way of Mastery says, I am merely a messenger for the Universe, speaking words that are often not mine. Sometimes the clarity and insight that emerges brings me to tears. Always I feel a deep sense of connection, the feeling of separation disappears and I feel fathomless love for the person, a love that engulfs me and is indeed a love wave. I stand in awe of the mystery. I see it as an affirmation that I am on the right path, on the green light as my friend says. Yet that does not mean the rougher waves are necessarily over.
I hope when the next challenging wave hits I shall met it with more grace and less resistance knowing beyond the level of thought that it is an answer to my prayer to fully remember and reflect the Love we all are. I wish I could install something in my brain to go off when I fall so deeply into fear. For now I shall have to just take it as it comes and enjoy the view from the top of the wave.

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