Sunday, September 7, 2014

more on anxiety

Woke up this morning perfectly at peace. Ah, such appreciation. Yesterday was rough and I yelled at a loved one. The witness in me is very strong so I was able to see how easily I was transferring my upset, my nervous system like a time bomb, waiting to unleash at the slightest provocation. Today I must make amends. Yet I have deep compassion for the aspect of myself that has suffered from anxiety for so much of my life. I was able to witness how it was more the story of anxiety and the fear of it never ending then the actual physical symptoms that were so disturbing. In others words, it was primarily my mind causing the trouble. I also have such empathy for my over active mind searching for a way out, a way to forget, get free, change, do anything for this to go away. I actually watched a delightful movie "The Hundred Foot Journey" which helped shift the energy. The cinematography was so luscious it did help. Then i tried to use sugar to help and it did not do anything but make me feel slightly sick. 
When I say to whisper I love you's to yourself, it is not to the anxiety but rather to the part of yourself that feels the anxiety, depression  fear, lose, guilt, shame. There is something so reassuring to be kind to that deeply wounded part rather then harsh and critical. Would you yell at a toddler for being afraid? Hopefully not. So never be harsh or unkind to yourself if you can avoid it. If you are cruel to yourself, love the one so wounded that it would feel the need to be cruel. I wish it would provide instant relief and it may. Yet it may be so unfamiliar to the subconscious that it will not be recognized or accepted. Stay with it, eventually it will reap huge rewards.
Despite a lovely morning, the anxiety has crept into my stomach and shoulder blades. I know the Chiron point is being activated, the wounded healer so this is no surprise. Probably like me you are tired of an astrology that is seemingly always activating one thing or another. I also see how the media plays on our nerves, manipulating fear for the means of those in power. I recommend avoiding the news as our nervous systems are under siege enough without adding to the intensity. Darlings, I send you so much love. Love yourself as best as you are able and know in time, if you stick with it, it will gradually come alive.

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