heaviness

I want to share my experience, this is part of a post I made at TWYH:

New Occasional Quote!

”Change begins with first accepting, being present with that which you so desperately wish to change. When you allow the discomfort that is birthing your desire for change to exist, only then are you in an empowered position to create anew.”

-Pleiadian High Council

This quote from Lauren (TWYH)is really helping me. Processing some huge grief, sadness, heaviness. UNtil the middle of the night I was in "I've had enough of this mode, NO MORE" I was done with clearing, done with the whole ascension game. ENOUGH!!! I prayed and prayed for an inner shift. I have been processing a lot of grief about race inequality and feeling such grief about it. I have been so moved by the movies The Help, The Butler and one I watched called i think HEaven Falls. So tragic. I also have a fly infestation and am feeling a deep sadness at the cruelty of the fly traps I found. I know, crazy but I have this deep grief for the flies I am killing.

So anyway in the middle of the night with some pretty intense sleep, some inner shift occurred and I KNEW it was all ok. I have gone through the same pattern again and again. I can't take it anymore, it is too much etc. as I am passing through a huge wave of transformation. It has taken me eons to move past anxiety and overwhelm, two of my biggest challenges and yet now I very rarely experience either. I realized in the night the same thing is occurring. I am processing my grief over how heavy life on planet earth has felt to me me, how much I miss Home (pause for hot tears). I have maintained a feeling tone of my Home and it feels very different there. Life here has felt so harsh.Yes, there is so much beauty, so many loving beings. But the level of cruelty is hard to swallow and that most definitely includes all the times I have been cruel and cold.Yet in this moment I accept it all, I KNOW it is for my highest good that I release this heavy feeling before the equinox, or as much of it as I can.

Yesterday I had a very joyous experience. My daughter stayed home form school with a cold yet we decided to go ahead an follow through with a plan we had to surprise a cook at a restaurant we go to frequently with a birthday cake. this man's former wife was in jail with his children and since getting out he has not seen any of his children and he still has had a huge child support bill. He is missing most of his teeth and overall does seem like a happy camper. His reaction to the cake and his co-workers joining us in singing to him was priceless. We'd given him a card and he carried it like it was a jewel. I do not know him well at all and i just followed a sudden impulse.What a joy it was to share in his delight.

So today I am fully embracing my grief, my sadness, my heaviness. The other huge shift is that throughout this experience I NEVER moved into judgment, self hatred, self doubt, wondering if I was worthy. That is gone, healed, whole. Thank you GOD and most especially thank you soul sister Sara for helping me burst that bad boy hopefully for the last time.

Two people I have met here at TWYH have been vital to my wholing, one through a very painful experience and one, Sara, through a very joyful connection. I bow to the mystery that provides me with exactly what I need to be Whole.