Another awareness popped in overnight. Debbie talked about not taking herself too seriously. Combined with something I wrote causally yesterday about spiritual "rules" being similar to Catholic sins triggered the ah ha. It is increasingly clear that I am still in fix it mode, trying to correct my deficient self to be worth of Christ consciousness. Bah humbug. No way Jose. Still caught in that web. I intellectually KNOW that this is bogus yet my behavior tells me otherwise. I am still focused on healing my errors and restoring myself to wholeness. Wrong on two counts. :P First, given the work I have done on the inner planes, I am past the need to heal myself and that will not restore myself to wholeness. I am like a soldier that never heard the war is over, still slogging through the trenches. Yes, the healing was essential for decades, really. But I've been there and done that. Second it places my attention on deficiency, on error, on always scanning for ways to improve myself. That focus slams the door of the kingdom on my face and then tries to have my ego find the key. HUH? If I knew how to be it, I'd have already moved into that state of being. It is never going to work. My ego can not drive me home to Myself. Can't be done. I am past the point where my efforts, my attempts at control, my taking this seriously works, this ironically keeps me locked away from my own Essence. Crazy, huh? I get it, trying doesn't work now. I am not the one that can take the final step Home. I must surrender to a mystery and power so far beyond myself. That Force knows what to do. I can fall back into it's arms. Enough with the constant self scrutiny, enough with the serious heaviness of constant improvement. Time to sing, dance, play and laugh. Ready to join me?