Wednesday, May 1, 2013

muzzy, clarity, limitless, not planning, control

Yup, muzzy is a word, I just looked it up. Yup, I am all over the map. Yesterday I was in a stunning world of clarity with a visceral sense of my own unlimited nature. The clarity I experienced was unearthly, unprecedented. I was facilitating a class on abundance and I felt like I was channeling my beloved mentor Karl in the ease with which I was understanding the complex lessons of A Course in Miracles. We spent well over an hour and a half attempting to fully grasp the significance of lesson 135. The main focus was on how when we feel attacked, we defend ourselves, thus buying  into a false image of ourselves as limited and vunerable. Thus to believe you have been attacked invites the very energies of danger our defenses wish to protect us from. I doubt I am making it clear as I no loner am resting in that surreal clarity. Trust me, to get this is a huge leap of liberation. It was delicious to rest in that level of awareness and unlimited power. Yup, it was fun while it lasted and now the party is over, at least temporarily.

A crucial part of lesson 135 is about not planning, about how when we plan we are trapped in ego, using the past to determine the future. It was like this or that before so now to protect myself in the future I better do this or that. To bad it doesn't work and it keeps us trapped in the limitations of our own mind, bereft of the astounding wisdom available when we let go of the planning part of our consciousness and surrender to Divine Intelligence, the part of us that actually knows the total game plan, best outcomes and how to proceed. When we plan from ego, we are really clueless to know what is for the highest good. Yet, convince us of that? Not easy.

I was told years ago this was the crucial lesson for me to "get" and I have been plugging away. Here is how the Universe is supporting me in embodying this one; sleep (ps my computer always tells me not to uses dashes so I am playing with the semi-colon aware that I don't actually know how it works). Now sleep or lack thereof has taught me many lesson about surrender and control, releasing fear and many other goodies over the last 15 or so years. I love my sleep and use to sleep like a hibernating bear. When I had a child and faced losing our home, my mind got in the way and kept waking me up. I learned to let go of the fears and the mind games and slept better. Yet like abundance, sleep is a gift that keeps on giving it's lessons. I "conquered" one level of awareness, get a break yet the other levels keep arising. So lately I have been watching, again, how I try to control my sleep. The temperature must be right, must be quiet, sheets softs, pillows just right, no light, phone turned off, etc. And if I don't get my sleep, run for cover. So since my sleep has been very iffy again for months with then periods of great rest followed by the last weeks where only a few nights have been restful, and we have the perfect set up to get my attention. Same with abundance. Years ago I taught a class called Busting Loose of the Money Game based on the wonderful book of the same name. I did bust loose and bought another house (we did "lose" the other one) plus two cars. BUT I didn't bust loose all the way. I have still been depending on my ego to save me, keep my body functioning and keep me from financial ruin. I never truly surrendered to my own Being. I really get now why this won't work. I really get how attachment to my body identification is limiting me (I won't even TRY to get into that one right now so you'll have to take my word on it.) It is truly time to release control from my ego, release seeing my body as 'me', release the need to plan to stay safe, release the belief I can be attacked. Many beliefs are coming up to say bye bye to such as: I am my body, abundance comes from my supply of money, I can control my sleep and my body, I can't function without a certain amount of sleep. if I don't get it I must be grouchy and fogged, I must plan ahead for eclipse days etc so as not to be too busy as I may feel wiped out, I must change plans to avoid not getting enough sleep, etc. This message feels important yet I don't have the clarity now to articulate it fully. I only hope I can pass on a glimpse of what I am understanding and KNOWING. Definitely a work in progress. The Universe is cleverly putting intense physical activity requirements on the days of the eclipse and black moon transit to force me to bust through some of those beliefs or suffer big time. Among other things my daughter's Medieval games, the responsibility of all of the parents, falls right in the middle of this, an event involving hundreds of people and a massive amount of work. I am doing the bare minimum and it still feels H U G E! Oh joy. Be quiet mind! Time to release control and surrender all my plans, trusting only my connection to the Love that I AM to wing my way through (and allow my dear body from imploding with these intense energy influxes and shifts to our physical bodies and DNA.). I'll be fine. Will report further as clarity is restored and beliefs are healed.

My loves, something huge is on the horizon. I feel and know it and sometimes even trust it. It is love and liberation. The increased light i see in others and in myself is proof positive. Hang in there. Be good to yourself, know all is well. I send a huge hug.
(postcards from the edge)

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