Wednesday, April 17, 2013

primal fear, the body, scarcity, freedom and a request for Light

The last week since the new moon have been a bit of a wild ride. This typeface is called impact and I choose it very deliberately. We are all being powerfully impacted by this influx of energy. If you are like me, it is hard not to cower and cry “ oh sh*t!” These are powerful times indeed. I have had insomnia, back ache, headache, exhaustion, feeling ravenous and feeling no need to eat and waves of fear impacting my body. Yet yesterday and today I am being blessed with the grace these energies bring, if we can open a space to welcome them. Yesterday my life was filled with blessings. It was extremely ordinary, writing, cleaning, walking, resting. Yet the sense of Presence, of clarity and hope were breathtaking. Everything in nature my eyes alighted on seemed to sparkled with aliveness. The trees glittered like diamonds. This valley seemed the most gorgeous place on earth. All was easy.
I have two challenges to my peace. I am aware my current financial resources are forcing me to own my power regarding generating income. I had a strong sense this would be so. I have lived from being smart as an investor and that has afford me the time to do the deep level of transformation that left me literally incapacitated for years. Now that party is over more or less. This situation is  lighting a fire under me to move into bring my purpose more fully into the world. It is the ideal motivator to face this fear that I am not capable of fully supporting myself financially. Bah humbug. I will be teaching my abundance class to antidote my fear. Clarity is powering in.
When I initially realized how relatively serious my situation was, I freaked and went into major planning mode. My mind was whirling, trying to come up with schemes to generate income. I quickly realized I was just spinning, getting nowhere. I slowed down enough to get clear. This is what I am absolutely certain about. I was trying to solve the problem at the same level of consciousness the challenge arose from. It will never work. I must come into alignment with my inner essence and only act from that place if I want to resolve this once and for all. I have gone through this scarcity drama a few times and now I have had enough.
If you have access to A Course in Miracles, please study lesson #135. It is about not planning, about turning everything over to higher consciousness and only acting from that place of awareness. I am 100% clear this is what is being asked of me and this is what will bring a delicious resolution.
My second challenge is ongoing health concerns. Most have turned out to be relatively harmless yet they too have forced me into action to support and honor my body. I find it rather ironic that just when I am finally willing to embody and beginning to authentically enjoy movement and exercise, I also now need to dis-identify with my body to actualize the inner freedom that is one of my primary intents. If I see myself as a body, I must be afraid because we all know eventually the body will dissolve. So while I am amazed and delighted with the wonderful care I am now bestowing on my dear faithful body, at the same time these health challenges make it clear I can not stop there. If so, I will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, for old age or something else to finally annihilate me. Not a pretty picture and one guaranteed to generate fear. No thanks. So my other intent is to know, beyond the level of mind, that Who I am is not dependent on this physical form, will not be erased when this physical form dissolves. Powerful stuff indeed.
So this is what I have discovered is my primal fear underneath all of these other fears, fear of isolation and loneliness. Until recently I thought my most primal fear was abandonment, not to be loved. Reading the oracle report about my black moon said otherwise. At first I was puzzled yet the longer I sit with it I begin to see how it might be accurate.  Underneath so much of my behavior was an irrational sense of isolation that  sometimes triggered bizarre reactions. I can now see how I isolated myself and made choices that did not serve me in order to prevent loneliness. Feeling such satisfaction in being alone with myself now without feeling the slightest bit lonely is a huge and welcome transformation. I highly recommend going to: 
and reading the current astrology about how we are being impacted by the black moon aligning with galactic center and Eris and I don’t know what (astrology is not my thing) which might explain how you are feeling if fear is plaguing you. My understanding is these energies are bring up our primal fear for healing. Then go to the book tab on oracle report and download the free book on the black moon. I will copy the small part that list those primal fears:
ARIES – fear of unworthiness TAURUS – fear of scarcity GEMINI – fear of rejection CANCER – fear of abandonment LEO – fear of change
VIRGO – fear of failure LIBRA – fear of loneliness SCORPIO – fear of loss SAGITTARIUS – fear of meaninglessness CARPRICORN – fear of neglect AQUARIUS – fear of powerlessness PISCES – fear of vulnerability/harm

here are some of the dates to determine your black moon, they are at the end of the book:

Aug 28 1942 - May 24 1943 Can May 25 1943 - Feb 18 1944 Leo Feb 19 1944 - Nov 14 1944 Vir Nov 15 1944 - Aug 8 1945 Lib Aug91945-May51946Sco May61946-Jan301947Sag Jan 31 1947 - Oct 27 1947 Cap Oct 28 1947 - Jul 21 1948Aqu Jul 22 1948 - Apr 16 1949Pis Apr 17 1949 - Jan 11 1950 Ari Jan 12 1950 - Oct 8 1950 Tau Oct 9 1950 - Jul 3 1951Gem Jul41951-Mar281952Can Mar 29 1952 - Dec 23 1952 Leo Dec 24 1952 - Sep 19 1953 Vir Sep 20 1953 - Jun 14 1954 Lib Jun 15 1954 - Mar 10 1955 Sco Mar111955-Dec61955Sag Dec71955-Aug311956Cap Sep 1 1956 - May26 1957Aqu May27 1957 - Feb 19 1958Pis Feb 20 1958 - Nov 17 1958Ari Nov 18 1958 - Aug 14 1959Tau
Aug 15 1959 - May8 1960Gem May91960-Jan311961Can Feb11961-Oct291961Leo Oct 30 1961 - Jul 26 1962Vir Jul 27 1962 - Apr 20 1963 Lib Apr 21 1963 - Jan 13 1964 Sco Jan 14 1964 - Oct 10 1964 Sag Oct111964-Jul71965Cap Jul81965-Apr11966Aqu Apr21966-Dec251966Pis Dec 26 1966 - Sep 22 1967 Ari Sep 23 1967 - Jun 18 1968Tau Jun 19 1968 - Mar 13 1969Gem Mar141969-Dec71969Can Dec81969-Sep31970Leo Sep 4 1970 - May311971Vir Jun11971-Feb241972Lib Feb 25 1972 - Nov 18 1972 Sco Nov 19 1972 - Aug 15 1973 Sag Aug 16 1973 - May 12 1974 Cap May131974-Feb51975Aqu Feb61975-Oct311975Pis Nov11975-Jul271976Ari Jul 28 1976 - Apr 24 1977Tau Apr 25 1977 - Jan 17 1978Gem Jan 18 1978 - Oct 12 1978Can Oct 13 1978 - Jul 9 1979Leo
Jul 10 1979 - Apr 5 1980 Vir Apr 6 1980 - Dec 29 1980 Lib Dec 30 1980 - Sep 23 1981 Sco Sep 24 1981 - Jun 20 1982 Sag Jun 21 1982 - Mar 18 1983 Cap Mar 19 1983 - Dec 12 1983Aqu Dec 13 1983 - Sep 5 1984Pis Sep 6 1984 - Jun 1 1985 Ari Jun 2 1985 - Feb 27 1986 Tau Feb 28 1986 - Nov 23 1986Gem Nov 24 1986 - Aug 18 1987 Can Aug 19 1987 - May 13 1988 Leo May 14 1988 - Feb 8 1989 Vir Feb 9 1989 - Nov 4 1989 Lib Nov51989-Jul301990Sco Jul 31 1990 - Apr 25 1991 Sag Apr 26 1991 - Jan 21 1992 Cap Jan 22 1992 - Oct 16 1992Aqu Oct 17 1992 - Jul 11 1993Pis Jul 12 1993 - Apr 6 1994 Ari Apr 7 1994 - Jan 2 1995 Tau Jan 3 1995 - Sep 29 1995Gem Sep 30 1995 - Jun 23 1996 Can Jun 24 1996 - Mar 19 1997 Leo Mar 20 1997 - Dec 14 1997 Vir Dec 15 1997 - Sep 10 1998 Lib Sep111998-Jun51999Sco 

Does it fit for you? It might take time to see it.
I listened to the audio from oracle report and they were both excited about these energies. I thought they were crazy until I saw how they are indeed supporting my growth and transformation in an extremely momentous and very visceral way. So now I can concur.
Also know that there are forces that are manipulating these energies to support us into moving into fear, who are deliberately amplifying fear, who do not have our best interest at heart. Do your best not to buy into these manipulations. Stay strong, my loves.
If you feel like you can’t go on, call on the Universe to guide you to you next step. Know that you are not alone. Do your best to trust the process.
Tomorrow I have the opportunity to face what used to be one of my most primal fears. I ask you to join with me for the highest good that all will be well and that I sail through resting in fearlessness, in Presence, with a wonderful outcome. Please feel free to add you request for Light in the comment section and know I will send you Light and perhaps others of our blog family will too. Join me in knowing that all will be well, and all will be well and all will be very very well.

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