Wednesday, January 22, 2014

monsters, questions, feeling good

written a week or two ago- finally getting around to publishing it:

The first thing I want to mention is how i caught myself in the act of self rejection. My eye caught  my blog about vanquishing the monsters. huh? I thought I was choosing to love the part of myself that is afraid, that feels anxiety- then how can I call it a monster? Guilty as charged and now in self reform school.Catching myself more frequently being out of self love and that is now a no fly zone. But I will not judge myself for not loving myself, nope, see that trap from afar.
The second thing is how much I love questions. I have sat with the question of how to  release the egoic energy of trying and effortless action arrived to answer my question. Then I had a question about how to feel safe and keep my heart open with uncertainty so often looming. I wanted a magic answer to sooth all my concerns. Instead I found another area I was a puppet to- first to external love and relationships, then to anxiety and overwhelm, now to uncertainty, money, my old definition of success. Adios old energy, you no longer serve me and you definitely don't feel good.  By the way, the answer to feeling save with uncertainty is just to accept and allow uncertainty- duh! I can feel a sense of mastery arriving that allows me to accept uncertainty, at least more often than before. Shew, what a ride.

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