The next opportunity for healing has arisen for me, one that I thought I had long ago put to bed- scarcity. My financial fortunes have been a perpetual yo-yo, bouncing from exotic vacations with monthly massages and house keepers to driving an extra mile to save a penny on gas. I have been what I consider to be extremely abundant owning a house that sold for over three- quarters of a million to barely scraping by. I have had financial freedom for twenty-five years yet sometimes at the expense of a comfortable life style. A recent serious dip in my supply flow is supporting me in healing this for the last time.
Scarcity is a parasite prevalent in our society; scarcity of time, of money, of freedom, of love. I have healed most of them and now is the chance to heal my financial scarcity consciousness. I only became aware a week ago of the larger downward shift in supply then I had previously realized. I clamped down on my expenses like a tourniquet, my usual response to this situation. Yet two exceptions are previously booked trips. Watching my mind freak out about what to do about these upcoming trips is allowing me to witness how my previous reaction no longer serves. I hear myself talking like I live in the slums in abject poverty- bullsh*t. I have and have had an extraordinarily abundant live, living outside the USA for a total of about a decade, traveling around the world TWICE, paying for an expensive Master’s program, owning an expensive home, paying for numerous workshops, trainings, having a health coach and many other opportunities.
So my old survival method of just becoming a penny pincher no longer serves. I always said if my money would flow through 2012 I would then be able to take over and this is what seems to be occuring. I was barely functional for years until 2012 and I am soooo grateful my money held that long. Does feel so miraculous. Now it is time to grow up financially.
Now a number of false beliefs are coming to the surface, again, for healing. Examples: I can not support myself, I don’t know how to provide and access abundance, I need outside resources to support me, I don’t know how to market myself and make my work financially viable, etc. I absolutely know how fantastic I am at what I do, now to shift what stand in the way of me reaching a wider audience. In many ways my life is and has been an amazing reflection of an abundant consciousness. Yet underneath has been a slow leak, draining me of peace.
A bit over a year ago I turned my attention to my health and have gone all out ACTING to change my health. All change requires intention and action to be effective. I released twenty-five pounds, completely changed my eating habits to alkalinize my body, began cooking more frequently, eating primarily food I prepare myself, eat a ton more vegetables and I broke my dependence on sugar. All of these are things that had previously alluded me all my life. Now I must do the same with allowing my own Identity to be the source of abundance in my life. I certainly feel big time discomfort when I buy the scarcity lie. It creates physical unease which I will shift before it would slowly develop into dis-ease. I have skirted this one numerous times, playing the old game to keep myself afloat. Time to sincerely put this baby to bed.
I feel the doubt dance even as I write. The old voices attempt to fill my head, “You’ll never pull this off,” “ you don’t know WHAT to do,” “Your out of your league, you’ll never be able to create genuine abundance,” “the only way to have money is to save money”and other such charming, choking beliefs. Part of me wants to run for cover or at least take a nap. Yet I am absolutely clear this one has gotta go.
At the same time I am looking at a sense of entitlement. I somehow feel entitled to an abundant lifestyle. I belief there is an element that supports me by sensing my own inner value yet there is another aspect which does not serve me, the feeling abundance should be handed to me on a silver platter. It is hard to put onto words the difference yet I sense some subtle conflict. I know in time I will see clearly.
I am writing this riding on the energies of the equinox to publicly declare myself so I don’t chicken out (no offense chickens). No more shoving this one under the bed. Time to face it unequivocally. I notice my tendency to try to figure it out logically rather than allow my intuition, presence and true Identify to evolve the healing. I want to control it, make it happen. No such luck. This is definitely a diving into trust type dilemma. Aren’t they all? Time to take off my water wings and plunge in.