O.K., firestorm take ten. Again, in such a rage, freak out, judgment, spin, tirade, flip out. My daughter was extremely challenged yesterday and suffering. I blamed, projected, and judged, seeking the causes of her pain and my own. While she ended with incredible wisdom, recognizing her own pain body and sweetly fell asleep, I continued to shake and mentally collapse.
Later I melted as I realized that while part of me recognized and accepted what was happening without resistance another part of me bought it totally and responded as though it were all real and dangerous. That sent me spiraling back down into the worm hole, with the belief that my daughter was being harmed. I took a hot salt bath and calmed down. (I was doing that intuitively for awhile but now I read that is suppose to help balance these crazy energies.) I started asking, as I always do, what is good about this? what do I need to learn? realize? remember? I flipped to my trusty Course in Miracles and I got the other page I always get, pg. 588, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo." Seems I might as well tear out this page and the one about not being the body because I get them over and over. Geez, I wonder if there is a message here for me.
I had a vivid dream in the morning. I was sound asleep and woke up suddenly, remembering this dream. In the dream I had some kind of tuning instrument and was toning while pressing it to my lips. The sound was loud and clear and suddenly my chair and I were levitated to the ceiling. I was floating along the ceiling and noticed people staring up from their tables in awe. Their eyes showed amazement. The floating seemed so normal to me I wondered why they were staring. I awoke with the sense of the dream's reality and a strong feeling of being uplifted. It has been a very long time since I remembered any dream and this one was particularly realistic. Here, obviously I had found a way to be free.
So I have spent the morning waking up to my own separation and judgment and recognizing the finger was pointing back to me. I made humble amendments and laughed at my blindness. I was accusing another of being unloving while trumpeting my own vast superiority in the loving department. Hum, could there be any lack of integrity or clarity here? Any irony? Any lack of love and support on my part? So I cried through my humble pie. The pain of separating myself from love is showing up in my gut and letting me know I better stay clean and clear and out of the goo of my own poopo.
Later I melted as I realized that while part of me recognized and accepted what was happening without resistance another part of me bought it totally and responded as though it were all real and dangerous. That sent me spiraling back down into the worm hole, with the belief that my daughter was being harmed. I took a hot salt bath and calmed down. (I was doing that intuitively for awhile but now I read that is suppose to help balance these crazy energies.) I started asking, as I always do, what is good about this? what do I need to learn? realize? remember? I flipped to my trusty Course in Miracles and I got the other page I always get, pg. 588, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo." Seems I might as well tear out this page and the one about not being the body because I get them over and over. Geez, I wonder if there is a message here for me.
I had a vivid dream in the morning. I was sound asleep and woke up suddenly, remembering this dream. In the dream I had some kind of tuning instrument and was toning while pressing it to my lips. The sound was loud and clear and suddenly my chair and I were levitated to the ceiling. I was floating along the ceiling and noticed people staring up from their tables in awe. Their eyes showed amazement. The floating seemed so normal to me I wondered why they were staring. I awoke with the sense of the dream's reality and a strong feeling of being uplifted. It has been a very long time since I remembered any dream and this one was particularly realistic. Here, obviously I had found a way to be free.
So I have spent the morning waking up to my own separation and judgment and recognizing the finger was pointing back to me. I made humble amendments and laughed at my blindness. I was accusing another of being unloving while trumpeting my own vast superiority in the loving department. Hum, could there be any lack of integrity or clarity here? Any irony? Any lack of love and support on my part? So I cried through my humble pie. The pain of separating myself from love is showing up in my gut and letting me know I better stay clean and clear and out of the goo of my own poopo.
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