I am getting at an ever deeper level how our beliefs shape our reality- this knowing continues to sink in. For so many years my belief was that the source of love was outside of myself. Believing that created excruciating pain and anguish and took me most of my life to heal. I just spoke to a friend who still beliefs it. I heard such agony in her voice. I knew she could not really believe that she could live in love without her recently departed man- ouch! I shared with her my truth how this is merely a conditioned belief, not the truth, that honestly she could free herself from this pain by realizing its illusionary nature. I literally repeated the same thing four times because she kept telling me she could not understand what I was saying. Perhaps it planted a seed and perhaps I should have minded my own business- not quite sure. My experience is that life keeps hitting us until we get that it hurt us to limit ourself in anyway- to forget our own magnificence.
The beliefs that have been kicking my butt recently are these: that the energies could flatten me and take me out and that I would never, really, really experience joy here on earth, so far from my home. To be honest with you, I needed outside support to shift those bad boys. I spoke with my guides through a medium and they assured me that these energies could actually begin to GIVE me energy instead of how they previously had been crucifying me for so many years. Honestly, I don’t get the sense that was possible for most of us until the solar eclipse seemed to set a new frequency loose. Yet by shifting the belief that these massive influxes of energy would exhaust and unnerve me, when I read how there are massive solar flares, I no longer feel my stomach drop. Except for inadequate sleep, I am absolutely fine.
Then to have the astrological reading which explained very clearly why I am not yet experiencing joy, how that relates to my purpose and that it will be resolved, I can make peace with my lack of joy. Strangely there is something joyful about that. Below is some casual musings I wrote on the site I follow. Perhaps it will bring something useful:
For me too this ancient body memory is coming alive where to be separated from the remembrance of my True Self is just too bloody painful. Yet my big ahha is that no one can do that TO me except myself- I am ALWAYS the one to kick myself out of the KIngdom. This allows me to let everyone off the hook where I formerly truly believed THEY were the one pushing me into that yucky feeling- not so- what liberation. Often I fall back into the feeling tone of believing someone is doing it to me. Yet my daughter has been firing off a bunch of nonsense and I just look at her and smile and then this Love descends- freedom!
My big challenges was that despite all the huge shifts, I experienced very little joy and I was beginning to get weary of the whole game. Having that astrological reading and seeing how my lack of joy fits perfectly with my dharma has freed me in a big way. I am now free to allow my lack of joy in almost a joyful way- hard to put in words yet the heaviness is lifting- thank the lord. So many belly laughs. And shifting the belief that these energies were trouncing me, taking me down, exhausting me etc- whoa! HUGE I AM NO LONGER AFAID AND FINALLY BEGINNING TO TRULY TRUST BEYOND THE LEVEL OF THOUGHT- YIPEE!!!!!!! What a ride. I am actually fine and just spent about an hour playing a game with the kids- previously unthinkable. And I am suddenly getting all these invitations and feeling like I can accept them. Miracles!
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