Heaven on Earth

Something sure is afoot. I feel somehow like I am emerging from slime. My dream fragments last night point to what I mean:

in classroom with my daughter's teacher. he was very affectionate and kept hugging me, felt good and playful. Suddenly classroom which is now a room in my house is filling with water. i have been trying to show teacher hand movements to determine if P or J on personality test and we get distracted. i think, should I save anything from being washed away like my jewelry (which I do really enjoy so much) or not. see myself not acting to save anything. then suddenly at the lake where I spent my summers. My sister and daughter in a motor boat and I should get to the boat anchored off shore. try to use little row boat yet it fills with water, turns out full of holes. Then try to swim but tons of seaweed pull me down, my legs are so heavy I can't really swim and am sinking. wonder if I will be able to get to the surface before running out of air.

It feels as though I stand between two worlds, a foot on either side. It reminds me of when I stood with one foot on either side of the Equator when I was in Africa or on either side of the date line when in Fiji- one foot in today and one in tomorrow. (Actually the date line is in the middle of the ocean yet they have a plaque at a certain point to commemorate it- I have the photo to prove I was in today and tomorrow simultaneously.) I wake up in the old world, feeling sluggish and a bit depressed. Yet as the day goes on, if I stay vigilant, so many new experiences unfold- of feeling much deeper connections with my loved ones, of appreciating beauty more than ever, of my heart opening in burst of joy, of uproarious laughter. I sit now with the most appetizing wind blowing across my body, under a canopy of green backlit by the most vivid blue sky. Yet I also went into upset here at the tutor’s when I feared my daughter would again not get out of the car. I felt fear grip me and walked away to do my best not to give it reality and sure enough, on her own she just got out. To me it is critical not to give in to old fears and limiting beliefs.

On the night of the eclipse a family drama played out after a series of things went “wrong.” Since similar things had happened numerous times before it was hard not to go into the old story, fears and worries. Yet I very consciously filled my mind with good thoughts, ideas and imaginings. I deliberately slowed my breathing and centered. In the morning when the challenge continued I did not become angry or focus on a negative outcome. I did my best to choose the new world, where I see my own magnificence and that of all those I encounter. I felt compassion and understanding instead of my previous rage and upset. And lo and behold, it all worked out.

It seems clear to me that we are at choice now in a way we never have been before. If we choose the ego and upset, it will be delivered immediately. If we choose love and compassion, that too can be ours. A woman at the grocery store let me cut ahead of her with my two items. I was so tired I was about to drop and I thanked her. I wondered aloud if perhaps she let me go ahead because she could see how tired I was. No, turns out she was more tired than me and had a VERY challenging day. How delightful to gift her with my caring- perhaps we brightened each other’s days.

To actively say YES and chose life, joy, peace, understanding and compassion for me seems critical. When I went the least bit into upset and reaction as the drama unfolded on the night of the Venus transit, I felt as though my head would literally lift off. I felt incredible pressure. Funny, just in this moment I realize it may have been my crown charka activating as I really focused on staying neutral and non-reactive!

I am also noticing so much more acceptance of my beingness. Monday it was storming and pouring rain. I stayed home in my pajamas much of the day, slowly seeing myself not going to my class or the gym. It felt so rejuvenating and self adoring! “Be-ers” have never been so acknowledged by the western world so I had always felt a sense of not belonging, of being less than because I am not as “productive” in a worldly way as many. I am done with that. I now view my beingness as incredibly rich and also a gift to the world. My resting in peace and love hold a frequency. When I read Eckhart Tolle’s description of frequency holders I burst into tears as it felt like the first time I had been understood, acknowledged and appreciated by the greater world. I felt so validated and began to see my own gifts in a new way.

The other big shift for me is to accept my own inner authority rather than constantly look to others for answers. My friends Jenn and Erika helped me to see this more clearly and tell me that the challenge is related to my north node being in Capricorn. Now that is Greek to me yet they tell me it means I must learn to KNOW my own truth rather than looking to anyone or anything outside myself for answers. Reading my friends’ words where again I felt so seen, so appreciated, so loved lead to a slew of laughter and tears and so much gratitude. I now feel this inner trust arising more and more. On the night of the drama I literally wanted to call someone to ask them what I should do. Then I thought, well who would know how to handle this better than I would? Answer: no one. So that leaves me holding the bag and I am actually beginning to trust ME- now there is a concept!! Yes, the slime still can try to suck me down yet I have a choice to remember WHO I am, limitless power dancing unity, and boogie on through this adventure called life.

I was just reviewing my daughter's school work and read this on India:

“In ancient India, humans looked upon this world as unreal.

They longed to return to the real world of heaven where all was real and everlasting. They considered life on Earth to be a time in which to return to Brahma.”

Most of my life I wanted outtta here, wanted to return to my home far away, definitely not on this planet. Now I am realizing the true longing is to live here on earth, knowing we can choose to be in heaven, right here and right now. The choice is ours. Not always- o.k. still not often easy to make- yet our choice. And slowly getting easier- we just need to remember our own magnificence. Heaven on Earth- I say YES!!!