Thursday, April 12, 2012

at ease

Today I had a similar day to yesterday with many of the same stressor, even a few extras. Yet I had an entirely different experience. I didn't "buy" any of it and stayed relaxed. I had two amazingly loving interactions with total strangers, so much love with my daughter. I held a strong boundary which at first seemed as though it had created upset and turmoil yet again, I didn't buy into it. I am ending the evening on such a love wave. I fast one day a week and even that was graceful today. I can't articulate exactly how i did it- perhaps I will borrow some words later from a friend who described something similar. Another friend had a comparable experience yesterday and today. I feel so empowered that I could allow this day to unfold with so many challenges and be extremely non reactive- simply allowing! Who knew it would bring such joy. I was able to detach from all outcomes and yet received many results that surpassed my imagination. Just now got a phone call where again I was able to stay neutral, not try to be right as I would have hundreds of times before- I feel so free! Beloveds, may you know the freedom of your own spaciousness. I wish you a sweet night.

I decided to quote my friend Jenn about her experience with staying a ease under stress:

"This last week, I've had to remain very alert & conscious- as well as remain centered in everything I did. From the moment I woke up, until the moment I went to bed- I had to live each moment on purpose. Focused, but fluid. Strict, but flexible. Intentional, but yielding. I couldn't think about the immense amount of stuff I was working to accomplish, or it would have thrown me into a tailspin that I had no time to pull myself out of. I didn't think of the list of things that needed to be done, I was simply there,fully present, with what was happening at that time. 

I kept in mind also, what things were important to me. I remembered to keep feeling my feelings, and keep in mind that my relations with others was more important to me than things like work deadlines. I kept in mind doing things I enjoy was still of importance, even during tight deadlines and took time for them too. I listened to my physical body, and when it wanted rest... I gave it rest. When it wanted to just sit in the hotel lounge on a couch where the sun was coming in, instead of going to a lecture... then I sat there basking in the sun like a content cat. When I needed to cry, I cried. When I needed to dance, I danced. Even when it was in front of others.

As long as I just stayed with myself, and didn't push, and just was, and didn't allow panic into my awareness, but still remained open to life and whatever came my way, and kept my heart open... then my life fell into a type of grace and I had all of the time I needed for all of the things requiring my attention. It did, however, require a lot of effort to stay in this disciplined state of being for such an extended period of time. But as I left the office last night, and got in my car- I felt a huge grin of satisfaction spread across my face - and heard myself say out loud, "You fucking did it!""

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