I AND MY FATHER ARE ONE- in celebration

Beloveds,

A year ago today my marriage ended. On March 1, 2011 my will to live was very weak. I felt defeated and sometimes hopeless, confused and frightened. It was one of the worst days of my life. Yet I had the intuition to call someone I had met a few months before. He told me he did not work with people privately any more yet he would check in with the “Holy Spirit” about working with me to support me in the “unraveling” a term from Way of Mastery. He is a teacher of The Way of Mastery and The Course in Miracles for many decades. Unraveling refers to the dissolution of the ego and return to our original nature as Divine. I called him in despair, absolutely at the end of my strength and he answered the phone (a very rare event) and spoke to me for hours, without an appointment and with no mention of financial renumeration. He told me I had to surrender this, to a power great than my little ego. His words and presence sunk in (Karl, thank you from the depths of my heart) and I deeply surrendered, open to listening, to being directed regarding what I should do about my 23 1/2 year dissolving relationship. I woke up crystal clear my marriage was over, something that my husband had realized before I did. Yet now I could begin to take action with clarity. What followed were some extremely difficult days, weeks and months. What also followed was liberation. I had been a slave to external circumstances, so afraid that something, someone outside myself was what my life, my well being depended on. Not a good way to be at peace, to feel free. Yet I had no idea how much that dependency had cost me until I let it go. Now, a year later I experience my center within, I know a quiet joy and frequent deep peace. I am connected more and more to a Source way beyond my puny ego- a Source that makes my words for this year accurate- limitless power dancing unity. I am sitting on my deck, the sun is warming my feet with its burning rays, the birds singing their joyous song, the trees standing in silent support. 

Yet if I am honest, I have to admit there is still periodic doubt and resistance. This played out very tellingly in the last few days. The first was my on going battle with a cell phone company. After three months of not resolving my challenge, I was pissed. I had a number of problems come up in the last week, yet I gracefully surrendered them, trusting they would resolve and they did. Not with the cell phone issue- one time after another I was given inaccurate and very time consuming misinformation. I called already on edge, my stomach clenching, trying for maybe the eight time to resolve the situation. I was again told I’d been given wrong information that had led me to waste time spinning my wheels without resolution. My blood pressure sky rocketed and my stomach heaved. I was about to go supersonic. Luckily I got put on hold. I asked myself how I imagined my current negative thinking and angry energy would play out. I had had a horrible day the day before after getting the run around from the cell phone company. It had affected my whole day very negatively. It was clear my resistance and frustration weren’t getting results. I was able to calm down, declare I would resolve the problem on this call and all would be well. Sure enough, the man, Chris, got back on the line, said he was sorry, he was wrong and my information was correct and we quickly worked it out. Alleluia! More importantly, I really got how quickly my thoughts and feelings create my current reality. Lesson well learned until the next day. My daughter and I were again going toe to toe about homework. Again, blood pressure through the roof, stomach in knots but I caught it more quickly. I went to the kitchen to get a drink and deep breath. I sincerely surrendered to a power greater than myself, to the Mystery that I know is infallible, to the knowledge in the words of Way of Mastery “I and my Father are One.” In other words, my little ego would never resolve this yet by surrendering to my own limitless power, my connection to Divine Intelligence, nothing is impossible. I came back in the room, we made a joke, the energy shifted, the homework got done and more importantly peace and love were restored after anger, frustration and blame.

I have no clue how many more times I will have to play the control game, were I think I have all the answers and try to impose them on the Universe, but I hope not too many more. You’d think after all the miracles and synchronicity I have experienced, I’d remember more quickly not to try to use my ego to power through my life, dictating how things must be; you’d think I’d be a bit more trusting. But hey, I’m doing the best that I can. Tonight I will celebrate the shift from despairing, limp noodle a year ago to empowered, sometimes awake woman. Wherever you are, I’d be glad if you’d join me in raising your glass, toasting the certainty of our own Identity as all powerful, wise and Infinite- that is Who we all are and I, for one, intend and desire to remember this Truth.


P.S. If you are like many people, you may be turned off by Christian language and terms such as "Holy Spirit" used in these teachings. Try to reinterpret the language so it works for you. Use Universe, Higher Self, Divine Love intelligence, whatever feels appropriate for your view of the Mystery. I know it creeped me out for a long time, given my Catholic upbringing which was less than always beneficial. I encourage you to use any term that feels comfortable for you.