Thursday, December 1, 2011

self hatred

waves of self hatred are washing over me in this moment. it is very hard for me to admit, especially here. It is important for me to own this so I declare it is so in this moment and I allow this. this is what i try to share with others, we must allow what is. this is what is in this moment so I allow it to have its way with me and I say YES! through my tears. i am afraid i will scare away new readers but so be it. Please send me light to pass through this wave. I intend to love myself through this self hatred.


  1. Someone (Carmen?) wrote today that these waves hit us at different times, so that there are always people cresting when we hit bottom. And the ones at the crest can support those being newly hit by the waves.

    Just know: This too shall pass.

    Sending light, to the tunnel, to shine your way through it.

  2. Thank you, thank you. Yes, indeed it has passed. It was a huge one. Yet I was literally able to see it as a wave. At first I thought I would drown so I struggled and resisted. Actually admitting it here on my blog helped give me the courage to fully allow it. I always get the sense as each of us heals, it helps everyone else. I was able to dive fully into my self hatred, something that has plagued me. As I wrote before, I use to teach a class called "Self Love is not for Wimps" cause boy did I need it. I cleared a lot and this is some of the residue. I allowed myself to weep. Then I went on to the land, took off my shoes and hugged a tree. I leaned my head onto a branch and allowed support to flow through me. I knew others were sending me energetic support and that helped a lot too. I was able to calm down enough to drive- that is part of what was freaking me out- I didn't have long until I needed to leave to get my daughter from school. Miraculously, much of it passed in time.
    Now I feel incredibly exhausted and depleted yet peaceful again. I know I want this hate up and out.I am so glad more of it has left my system- forever. That is the wonderful thing about Cellular Memory Release- once you release it, it is gone forever!

  3. BIG {{{smile}}}, here. Thanks for the update.

  4. Hallelujah for it being GONE FOREVER!!! As you know, I experienced something very similar last night as well ~ and though I'm not pleased you were in the thick of it too, it did bring me comfort, clarity and understanding about what was actually taking place...not that it made it any easier! Such scary blackness to feel ~ it was all encompassing, I actually felt not-human.

    As you say, though, I'm very peaceful and relieved today after doing some proclamations in a ceremonic (I invented a new word) bath. Just tried from the energy expenditure. But honestly, Savannah, after closing that door last night...I can't even IMAGINE the splendor we're in for!! BRING IT ON!!!

  5. wowie zowie, what a ride! I hear you Sister, glad we are not alone in the darkness. I actually really leaned into all of you and pulled on the land and each of you to help me allow the depth of anguish at the pain I have caused myself by rejecting myself. It was intense and I am still deeply shaken. I am so impressed with your honesty with your mother-in-law. Another point for the Light team!
    Interesting that we both have been doing so well and then suddenly, from one moment into the next, dropped into hell. These energies are powerful clearers of the egoo. Today I was at an energetic healer and at the end of the session he said he was very impressed and that there was nothing left for him to clear- a first believe you me. What a confirmation!! I had to clear another small one today- CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN!