intense transformation

I am in a period of intense inner transformation I feel everything and everyone reaching out to support me, to support all of us in coming home to ourselves. A bluebird just tapped on my window, many have been landing on the rail when I am outside. Two coyotes sauntered by a few days ago. A deer held my gaze for over a minute yestersay. The birds sing such a sweet song. Even the wind chimes serenade me with their symphony. Two more days of the ellipse wormhole; beloveds focus on what you desire and know it is on it's way to you. Know that all is well. Do your best not to buy drama or focus on what you do not want. Together, we are invincible.

new resource

This woman's work and mission resonate so completely with mine. I hope it will serve you too. Very intense times with so many opportunities for healing and awakening. Much of my energy is still directed to internal shifts right now. I look forward to the time when I will be able to be more out in the world again.
May the road rise up to meet you. Much love. savannah

http://www.sandrawalter.com/dna-during-the-gateway-and-integrating-the-merge/

and an interesting UTube from her asking for our service opening portals and gateways during the eclipse wormhole:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCFqqrSTjOs  

tips for exhaustion

Here is a comment I made on Brenda's blog. I am feeling fairly well despite huge influxes of energy and insufficient sleep. I am so clear we are about to take off on a magic carpet ride. I have felt well for three days running! Now for me that is miracle territory lately. Let's see where the ride takes us. For now, no energy to write in depth.


Seems many of us having same experience of exhaustion and eating a lot, including sugar. I know a number of people having same symptoms including me.
The exhaustion got so bad for me I was afraid it could take me out. Here’s what I learned. A lot of it was my mind running my experience of the past; i.e, 5 hours of sleep third day in a row, you must be exhausted. I needed to stop having any thoughts about the lack of sleep, not easy i know. I have needed to stop trying to control my sleep, another excellent ego lesson. I can have no opinion about how much or how little I sleep. I try not to look at the clock so I actually don’t know how much I slept, easier then to keep the mind out. I affirm I always get exactly as much sleep as I need to move through whatever needs moving through. Sometimes 5 or 6 hours feels so delicious and then I say to myself, I am sleeping like a baby and I do. For me the main thing was to surrender and stop giving it my power.
An excellent book for stopping the mind/conditioning games is called “Busting Loose of the Money Game.” I am teaching a class now using that book and I needed to use the technique called the Process so far about 12 times today to bust loose of things I was getting upset about and thus giving my power too. It is about reclaiming our power and true identity from any limitation. 
See you in my dreams.

i stand corrected

My dear friend Uschi pointed something out to me. She talked about how on one hand my daughter can not and should “save me” as I spoke about in my second mother’s day post. On the other hand, she does. Paradox, again. I immediately got what she meant. My daughter must do whatever is true for her. Yet I recognizing that her presence in my life has been one of my greatest gifts. There were times when her love and care felt like the last thread keeping me from going under. Being in contact with the unconditional love she emanated as a baby was one of the most healing experiences of my life. For the first five years of her life, I did not feel separation, the plague of my existence. I felt bathed in continuous connection and love. So yes, she did and does save me merely through her existence. We are constantly supporting each other through our being. This is so vital and should never be discounted. I want to acknowledge and thank everyone and everything that has ever ‘“saved” me. Most of us have no clue what a gift we are to others. I am glad she helped me recognize the need to clarify that point.

to move or not to move

I have been feeling discouraged and inert, unmotivated and blah. It is hard to get myself moving. Yet luckily I had the intuition to set up various task that must be done. I notice that when I finally drag myself up and get moving, I invariably feel better. I make myself go to yoga, teach my class, clean up the house and lo and behold, I feel better. Yet I notice I was slowly creeping into self judgment and comparison. My friend is in better shape then me, why am I so lazy, unmotivated etc. I notice this ALWAYS drags me down. It is better for me to remember to say, oh, I feel unmotivated and it is leaving. Then if I can shift my attention to anything else and not focus on the problem, I feel better. So simple to remember. I feel... and it is leaving. Easy, right?
This blog is spot on for what is going on for me and gave me the motivation to get out of bed. Perhaps it will speak to you too.

 http://www.LifeTapestryCreations.com  then push the blog button, May 14, 2013

mother's day lesson, expectations hurt

Ah well. I was doing so good until the crash and burn. I was so prepared for my birthday, releasing all expectations and false beliefs, I forgot to clear myself for mother's day. My expectations were so low I felt sure they would be met. I just wanted somebody to make me a cappuccino; is that too much to ask? Apparently yes.  I was so certain my wish would be fulfilled it felt safe to put energy into it. Yet all turned out differently. 

Here's how it unfolded. I let go my expectations of gifts or cards but hearing how my love of cappuccinos had been discussed ahead of time, I thought my wish would be granted. Things were looking good until one potential donor seemed too wiped out to comply and the other revolted. So here's how I reacted. Big tears and sadness. Here's what I told myself, "no one cares about me, no one loves me." This was after receiving two of the most delicious hugs of my life and several hours snuggling. I mention this because to me now in hindsight I am almost stunned at how quickly a lie can appear true. My wasband was again on lawn duty he proscribes to himself, my daughter was helping me learn some games and other sweet activities. But I had to have my cappuccino or a present. Now my daughter never responds to manipulation, commands, demands. Sure enough, under my supposed gentle request was a hidden demand that she sniffed out from a thousand paces. She is the only one with whom I still carry any signifiant energy of special relationship. If she doesn't love me, grant me my boons, shower me with love the way I want it to show up and when I want it to show up, it doesn't count. I went out on my hammock in the blistering heat and had a pity party. It wasn't pretty. I fell for it again like it was the first time. No one loved me.

Now I had heard that post the last solar eclipse a few days ago, we would be able to process the BS, ego dramas lickety split. Sure enough within about 10 minutes, I began to question my drama. Hadn't she just hugged me and told me several times she loved me? So why was I doing this to myself, burying myself in sorrow? Because my conditioning told me it was true. I came in and tried Non Violent Communication, manipulative style. Poor, poor pitiful me, if you cared about me you'd do this. That you can't do this little ity bitty thing for me means you don't care. Lucky for me, she didn't go into the rescue game like most people would. Yea, I guilt tripped her and I am guessing I created pain and maybe even shame in her. I am not blaming myself because I was not a conscious being in those moments, I was a bundle of reaction. Just grateful these dang 12 year olds are too smart to buy the sob story.

Trust me, that's NOT how I felt in the moment. I was still VERY SAD. But I went back to my hammock and decided to see if there was another way to look at this. I had to have my good cry and allow the emotions to run through my body. Attempting to stop or diminish them would have just locked this new pain into my cellular memory. 

No thanks. 

So I had the wherewithal to allow the emotions to sweep through my body. It was not fun. I felt about two years old and very sad. Yet within maybe another ten minutes, I was looking to see a way out. It almost immediately came to me that I was being manipulative and that was a more likely explanation of why she would not comply rather than my initial story that she didn't love me. I immediately saw how many ways she had proved she loved me already this day. Just not the ways I was looking for, that I was conditioned to believe mattered. I also witnessed what I believed was a soul agreement where she got to play the role I assigned to her, to help me set myself free. I am trying to detail this because most of you might think I was being silly or childish. Of course I was. This is what we do when we are caught in our conditioning. I am sure your wounds and stories look different from mine. Yet the liberation is always the same, to recognize we are believing illusion, that we are believing in some form of fear and forgetting our own Essence which is always Love. I can not be separated from love even if she screams she hates me (she has), she chooses never to see me again or whatever she may choose to do. If I make her or anyone the source of love in my life, I am at her mercy and I will manipulate, trick, cajole to save myself. There is no freedom, no true love. Does this make sense?

So I got off it. I began to appreciate the love that was showing up in my life the way it was showing up even though it didn't look the way I wanted. I began to see how many gifts I am blessed with. I felt sorry I had caused a scene. Unfortunately, I wasn't quite done. 

 That is a good mother’s day. That is a good mother’s day.

My wasband made the mistake of asking me if I'd had a good mother's day. Now more loving behaviors had come down the pike since my hammock tears. Yet I still had to say no. I hadn't gotten my bloody cappuccino. No wonder no one in my family ever wants to hear that word again. Can you blame them? He looked so sad and promised to take me to dinner next year. O.K., now I am sad and so over my demanding manipulative ways. I want to take my words and behaviors back. I really see how much they both care for me. How could I have been so blind? Ah well. Now I was truly done with the whole thing. My eyes opened again and I was back home inside myself.

I bet you won’t be surprised to hear that just before they left, my daughter handed me a bracelet she had just made for me and my wasband brought up the flowers he had forgotten to give me.  There is nothing like no longer needing it Later I made myself a gorgeous cappaccino. I know there is more to this story yet for now the lesson is learned. Now that is a good mother's day.

happy mother's day

A huge hug of gratitude to all the mothers of every kind, mother's of children, of animals, plants and the mother of us all, Sophia, our beloved Earth. May each of you know the gift that you are and recognize how much you contribute through your dedication an devotion. YOU are SO APPRECIATED and LOVED!!!