we are Home

I just read a quote in The Course in Miracles I did not remember. It said something like: you are home dreaming you are in exile. For some reason this struck me in a whole new way. So I realized it is like sitting in my own gorgeous mansion lamenting I am homeless. O.K., I get it conceptually but still fear arises. Again and again I feel at Home inside myself and then fear kicks me out. I get how I believe it is my body that is the store house of fear yet it is really my mind. I am passing through a ring of fear now, knowing conceptually it is illusion yet the feelings in my body make it more challenging to question. 

The start of the school year is bringing up the fear. I am catching my thoughts that it will be a nightmare. It comes down to the fact that my daughter is not controllable and I am questioning whether or not the answer is to bring in more force to control her. In some situation, yes, she needs to comply but when and how? Plus it seems mission impossible so that puts me in a bind plus makes me a “bad” parent according to society’s rules. We are talking small potatoes- not eating her vegetables, going to bed late, lots of media but not at my house too much, not keeping her room clean etc. Yet it comes up again and again and is often a battle- a battle I am tired of and questioning. I am clueless and it no longer feels good to try to control her. I question so much of the education system I am clueless in that area too. So I am just one unclear, fearful woman off and on lately. It forces me to fully understand I can not control anything actually so I better learn to surrender and trust, but REALLY, or continue to suffer. I realize I have surrendered control of my life yet feel compelled to continue to try to control her life because that’s what good parents do, right? She is watching a video now against my wishes and I am at a loss to know what to do. Consequences are meaningless to her and she takes them without batting an eye so that gets old. I can only intend to trust, keep my desire for Love and wholeness present and allow it to unfold as it does. Wish me luck. Sure wish I could see the mansion.

church of love

Just received this from my friend Elizabeth- sounds good to me. I'm in!!! Want to join me? Thursday's energy was VERY difficult for me- felt my body would snap in half. Yet love reigns supreme and I chose to know all of this is in support of my fully remembering my essence as Love and I feel that intent grow ever more fully in my being. These words bring tears to my eyes as in this moment I feel so joined with all of you in love. I sit on my hammock and feel all of your presence surround me in a soothing bath of love. Kisses to you, my Beloveds.

THE CATHAR  PROPHECY OF 1244 CE

The last of the Cathars was burnt by the Inquisition of the Roman Catholic Church at Montsegur, Languedoc, France in 1244, but they left this prophecy:
 that the Church of Love would be proclaimed in 1986. 

It has no fabric, only understanding.

It has no membership, save those who know they belong.

It has no rivals, because it is non-competitive.

It has no ambition, it seeks only to serve.

It knows no boundaries for nationalisms are unloving.

It is not of itself because it seeks to enrich all groups and religions.

It acknowledges all great Teachers of all the ages who have shown the Truth of Love.

Those who participate, practice the Truth of Love in all their beings.

There is no walk of life or nationality that is a barrier.  Those who are, know.

It seeks not to teach but to be and, by being, enrich.

It recognizes the whole planet as a Being of which we are a part.

It recognizes that the time has come for the supreme transmutation, the ultimate alchemical act of conscious change of the ego into a voluntary return to the whole.

It does not proclaim itself with a loud voice but in the subtle realms of loving.

It salutes all those in the past who have blazed the path but have paid the price.

It admits no hierarchy or structure, for no-one is greater than another.

Its members shall know each other by their deeds and being and by their eyes and by no other outward sign save the fraternal embrace.

Each one will dedicate their life to the silent loving of their neighbour and environment and the planet, while carrying out their task, however exalted or humble.

It recognizes the supremacy of the great idea which may only be accomplished if the human race practices the supremacy of Love.

It has no reward to offer either here or in the hereafter save that of the ineffable joy of being and loving.

Each shall seek to advance the cause of understanding, doing good by stealth and teaching only by example.

They shall heal their neighbour, their community and our Planet.

They shall know no fear and feel no shame and their witness shall prevail over all odds.

It has no secret, no arcanum, no initiation save that of true understanding of the power of Love and that, if we want it to be so, the world will change but only if we change ourselves first.

ALL THOSE WHO BELONG, BELONG; THEY BELONG TO THE CHURCH OF LOVE.

THE CATHAR MANTRAM 

I am the fountain of Light

I am the Truth

I am all Consciousness

I am all Being

I am the spirit of Love, deep unconditional and forever

My gift to the Light which is around me is the spark of life

I carry it freely, generously, in purity of the Soul

And thus it shall be for ever and ever. 

vulnerability and miracles

Thank you to any of you that sent me energy- it worked!!! (see previous post) I used the energy I gathered to call the school and speak to her tutor. This for me was like walking into a den of lions- I was so scared. Yet I told her the truth, was absolutely vulnerable about my fear, my confusion, my doubt and uncertainty. I told her the proposed work for the summer had not been touched. I told her I did not believe it was in her best interest to do schoolwork this summer when my daughter needed a break from the pressure and what it triggers in her. I had been sending love ahead to the school, tutor and new teacher who is said to be very strict and not so warm and fuzzy. The tutor was so compassionate and understanding. I told her honestly that we would probably leave the school as I could not see my daughter in school 7 hours a day and then doing hours of homework each night and weekends. I said she needs time to recharge. I said how much my two hours a week with my health coach drains me because  I feel so incompetent and I could not have her under that kind of pressure day and night. Why do we think it is acceptable to pressure ourselves and others so much? There has to be another way. She proposed something I had never considered- that she could stay in this school without homework. I burst into tears and had to hangup. Why did it move me so much? Because it was the answer to my prayers, because I saw I am not alone, that powerful forces join me in working for the good of all. I saw my faith is justified, I saw the compassion of another person. I felt understood and supported instead of judged as I imagined would happen and has happened so many times before. I cried as a release of tension, I cried for all beings everywhere, especially children who suffer. I cried because I knew without a doubt that vulnerability is my strength and that miracles are daily faire when I join forces with the Divine and surrender without attachment or control. I can not begin to put into words how touched I was and am. Suffice it to say, I feel blessed and touched by magic. May miracles unfold in you lives, my beloveds.

all children are magnificent- a clarion call

I just talked to my beloved friend Uschi about something that is tearing at my heart. School starts next week and both my daughter and I are feeling fear and dread at the thought. I am completely changing my perspective on education, on how to best educate my daughter, on what is valuable. I am frightened because I don't feel in agreement with much of the education system. My daughter is in a Waldorf based school. We moved to this area to have her go there. And still it is so challenging and painful for her due to her learning differences. I have spoken to so many adults about the learning differences and how it affected their core self image, making them believe they were somehow stupid, inferior, defective etc. As I become more aware of this dynamic I experience deep, deep grief. I can not understand how we continue to push and shove our children to comply with the school system, often destroying our relationship with our children by forcing them to do what is expected, without compassion of understanding of why they are not complying, of what is going on for them. It is starting to feel like lemmings running mindlessly into the sea. I was given a parenting course by a respected teacher and it say categorically- force your child to do what is required, use punishment through the withholding of desired objects, experiences, freedom to make them comply and do not care or respond to how they feel about this!! This is becoming shocking to me. My daughter is at an excellent school yet there does not seem to be a deeper understanding of how to meet the needs of children who learn differently. More and more children are being born with a predominance of right brain activity yet all the education systems teach mostly to the left side of the brain. This left brain behavior has gotten us into a world of trouble as it favors dominance and force, power over. The beautiful gifts of children with a different orientation are either ignored or minimized. Their gifts begin to atrophy with neglect. I sometimes feel like David coming up agains  Goliath, how can I make a difference? How can I make a change? I have no answers, only questions and an unwillingness not to care about how my daughter feels. I care passionate. I can not "fight" the system, I recognize how dedicated and caring her teachers are. Yet my sense is they are simply unaware. I fought with my daughter for years, trying to force her to comply with school demands. I did so without true compassion or understanding, often with anger. No more. I do not agree. I am shocked at my own obliviousness and lack of compassion. Now that I see her pain more clearly, I want to stand up and be part of a solution to this dilemma. I want to have my voice be heard. I intend to join with all of you parents, students and teachers being adversely affected by a system that marginalize and shames children for which part of their brain is dominate, that has not gone to the trouble to fully understand their visual learning style and implement it in a mainstream way. I have no answers. I feel afraid and unclear. I don't want to be against anything, I am simply for the dignity, worth, magnificence of every child. I am asking if your are willing to join me energetically in holding for all children as schools around the world begin the school year. Interestingly enough while I was writing this a school friend of Ciela's called me and I asked her to join me in this prayer/intention and she agreed. Thanks Lucia! I had been waiting to get more clarity before writing about this but my friend Uschi sounded the clarion call and I have decided to move forward without clarity, with only love and deep compassion in my heart. Will you join me in calling forward an unexpected solution to this imbalance, this source of pain and grief, of lost self worth? If so, I extend my deepest gratitude. 

giving myself tender loving care

I am feeling called to post this journalling without editing,:
woke up today back in struggle. More than a week of above 100 degrees and now looks like we have 4 more days until it drops in the high 90's- by far the hottest summer since I moved down in elevation 3 years ago, probably will be a record heat. Plus lots of fires which today are resulting in very smoky conditions. Plus got long email about school, web site for daily homework, trip we are suppose to gear up 2 weeks after school starts. Finances not so wonderful blah blah blah. Yes, would love some tender loving care. It is not bad, not like I think I can't take it, not like it use to be where I was ready to throw in the towel, yet challenging after feeling so good for a while. I really get how much easier it is to feel emotionally good when my body feels good, less easy when body off. Plus for about a month or so, my class in Sacramento doesn't feel inspiring- use to be the center of my week. Saw how I wanted to power through and force myself to be cheerful and positive- yet really doesn't work. So I am allowing this to be as it is, holding myself tenderly since no one is here to do it for me. I did come home late last night to flowers and rose petals on my stairs from my wasband- now that is one incredible thing. I am guessing I may be the only woman on the planet to be so gifted by their wasband- what a sweetheart. For now, I will allow this pit in my stomach to be there and love myself tenderly through it.

August energies

Just watched this and found it quite useful- gives emphasis to the importance of staying centered, in balanced, resting, spending time alone in silence and nature, whenever possible- I am throwing in the nature part as I know it is soooo helpful.

http://leeharrisenergy.blogspot.com/

lion's gate- welcome to the 5th dimension

I am reading that we recently passed through the portal to the 5th dimension. This, combined with the turning point in July is giving us access to unlimited power to create. That's the good news/ bad news scenario- good if you have mastered your thoughts and beliefs otherwise not so much fun. I feel this powerfully in my body. For almost five days, I felt energized, normal, able to handle stimulation and noise like I have had not been able to since the start of the Galactic Wave of the Mayan calendar in 1999. I was in Roseville yesterday in 106 degree heat, shopping with big crowds and a pre-teen who's taste run very counter to mine with loud music playing in the background and I stayed calm! Now that is miracle territory. I remember in November 2011 I went to a museum in Sacramento and was so thrilled I could go into the city at all- let alone a crowded mall. So I feel in my body this shift and it gives me continued faith and courage that we will all pass through this portal into unlimited power to create. It feels sooo good. Unfortunately, when I slip back into control mode as I am today, as my dragon (Chinese zodiac), Leo, Eight on the enneagram (spelling?) offspring and I disagree on what is acceptable pursuits with one's time the feeling of separation is increasingly painful. Ah well. It was so delightful while it lasted and it last longer and longer.

Because this is such a crucial shift and portal, I want to repost a link to a post that explains what the different dimensions are. This shift in dimensions is not optional. This is a required course for all of us. I believe for now we can move back and forth between dimensions. My understanding is that will not be an option at some point. Thus it feels vital to me to know where we are heading. Welcome to the 5th dimension- happy creating!

http://the2012scenario.com/2012/01/jim-self-what-do-you-mean-the-3rd-dimension-is-going-away/